Friday, March 28, 2008

a clash of colors

i was chatting with captain b through ym. for me, he was basically perfect. he is tall. dark. handsome. beautiful physique. sharp mind. intelligent. except there's something about the two of us that says we can never be. chemistry.

he's had 3 boyfriends already. the last one broke his heart when he left captain b. because they're miles apart. they lasted almost a year. a year of long distance relationship.

which brings me to some reasons why he will just remain my crush and obsession.

we have different senses of humor.
i irritate him with what i think and say.
he sometimes irritates me with what he thinks and says.

our personalities are on opposite wavelengths.

but i still like him the same.

and yes, we're just friends. so cliche. so sad. it's pathetic.

i swore i wouldn't post lyrics as much as i can... there are always exceptions to every rule.

We all lead such elaborate lives
Wild ambitions in our sights
How an affair of the heart survives
Days apart and hurried nights
Seems quite unbelievable to me

I don't want to live like that
Seems quite unbelievable to me
I don't want to love like that
I just want our time to be
Slower and gentler, wiser, free

We all live in extravagant times
Playing games we can't all win
Unintended emotional crimes
take some out take others in

Too many choices tear us apart
I don't want to live like that
Too many choices tear us apart

I don't want to love like that
I just want to keep your heart
May this confession be the start

I know you'll give me courage
to face what I must face
with all these complications
in another time and place

captain b, this is for you.

because you'll always be beyond reach.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

secret whispers

"sir, are you done?"

"yes."

he comes in. takes of his shirt.

"do you mind if i remove the towel?"

"sure, go ahead."

i feel rough, warm hands kneading my back muscles.

"sir, is the pressure okay?"

"yeah, kinda, uh huh."

"you work out?"

"not anymore... been 2 years since. why?"

"you got the build."

"thanks, glad to hear that."

"is this your first time here?"

"no."

"ah, just your first time with me, then."

"yes."

don is a masseur. dark, atractive, goateed, and with naughty chinky eyes.

massage, massage, massage. slippery fingers grazed my inner thighs. slowly. going upward. his fingers slyly crept inside. rubbing and grazing. teasing and lubricating. i inhaled deeply.

"you like that?"

"uh huh..."

"have you ever heard of extra service?"

and the rest is history.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

fortune favors the brave

saturday night spent first with shir. for approximately 3 hours. taking silly pictures, and taking some artsy ones. well, artsy to me anyway.

finally spotted coswani, aka pepito. and spotted bubz's goateed guy, aka florencio. gosh. spied bubz on the way to see his beloved barbers. ahem. and heard all about ruel. yummers. i like.

oz arrived to join us. and made taray to one of the supervisors at sm. which left me speechless. because i've never heard him spout never-ending narratives of how incompetent or incapacitated people and services are. my ears were devirginized.

others arrived for coffee and a much talked-about topic: coming out. hearing my friends' stories just made me realize how fortunate i am. that evening just made me appreciate my family more. i didn't go through the whole crying and blaming scene, with the parents wondering where they went wrong, that being gay was probably a phase, that i just haven't met the right girl, that i would probably start wearing make-up and dresses, that i might lose a fortune to money-hungry hustlers, and all that drama.

i came out to my parents during college, and then to my sister. then to my friends. and they were very very supportive. or perhaps they kept their worries to themselves. that, i wouldn't know. until they share it with me. but it was a very freeing experience. i didn't have to be anyone everyone wanted me to be. i was free to be me.

the evening ended with me singing mariah's ken lee (ib dibidu widau chu) at the beat. which was awkward and embarrassing, considering i am tone deaf and pathetically out of tune.

oh, the trials of being trey.

Friday, March 21, 2008

pre-relationship blues

a full moon.

cool sea breeze.

the gentle sound of waves lapping against the shore.

what was missing?

a boyfriend.

listening to aida doesn't help.

sigh.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

disclosure

craziness on a wednesday night.

i find out tonio has a girl admirer. and they're meeting at a bar later. platonic, of course. which left ian a bit selos. daw.

i find out through gj that someone has a small wee-wee. and that he used to peddle it.

but the most shocking thing that night was finding out gj did something intimate with jay. gosh. i never thought. of all people. these two together. gj claims it's the brains that got him going.

jay is not someone who is traditionally attractive to me. i find him annoying sometimes. or maybe it's my self-inflated sense of humor that drives me to get annoyed. god. i can be such an asshole.

i took my shaved head to the bars. it wasn't packed. ian managed to introduce a cute guy to us. lawrence. he whispered, "you're cute." big flirt. i whispered back, "you're cute, too." slut.

someone grabbed my hand as i went out. sorry, sweetie. not my type.

but all that was after going to the tree. where i was pleasantly surprised to have my limb tugged. but not by the masseur of my choice.

looks like i'll be going back to climb the tree.

but after i recover my sleep debt.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

churva

i shaved off my hair. well, rather, the barber did.

i love love love it. so free from the restraints of having to shampoo and apply hair products. because without them, my hair looks like a troll's do. which is a don't for me, yet seemingly a do for many.

celebrated bubz's birthday. it was fun. almost everyone was there. laughed our asses off. and i love bubz's blue candle holder. it's so damn cute. and gave him my starfish necklace. some people are born with that it factor to wear that beautiful necklace. i'm not one of them.

saw the hot bobson guy again after months of absence. daaaaamn!

i'm glad to hear that the last pay mess is almost over. they're just revising the amount. sigh. i heard my former manager went nuts reading the email. apparently, she didn't appreciate that i went over her head directly to all the directors without informing her of my concerns. whatever. she's not exactly the most honest or even most principled managers.

do i not look gay enough? apparently, a female salesperson cannot believe that i prefer men. because i told her i would buy her products if they came with a hot guy whose sole job is to apply the skin products on me.

sigh. if only that was possible.

i need a boyfriend.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

an ex-employee rants out

this is an email sent to a company trey used to work for.

understandably, particulars will be edited, and some terms and phrases will have to be changed or omitted to protect both parties from further exposure.

Dear Paymaster,

"Likewise, on the incentive you were asking, i asked (Name) of audit and confirmed that no incentive was computed nor given."

Thank you for the quick response to my request.

I am extremely disappointed, terribly shocked, and deeply upset that the (ValueS) incentives were not included. We, as a department, had done so much effort to sell this particular promotional package for 2007. If this is the case of no incentives ever, were we being misled? Is this on one instance or has this never been implemented at all? What happened?

I would like to request electronic copies of all my pay slips to see if there was ever any incentive bonuses as well during my period of working at (Said Hotel). From day one to my last day, please.

Never mind that the incentive dropped from P1000 pesos down to only P75 per night stayed under (ValueS). I basically made 100 nights' worth of reservations for December alone. The calculation should not be that difficult to make.

Our incentive followed this guideline: for each month that we hit the target number of nights, we were informed to forward a copy of all our reservations made under the Value Vacations promo. For each night a guest stays under the (ValueS) promo, the reservations agent who sold and made the reservation gets P75. Per room per night. We were able to hit the target several times during 2007. Or so we were told.

I expect that a timely resolution and a concise explanation be given for this situation, and within a few days, as we have been reminded and promised of this incentive plan for months on end. I can speak for myself that I have been encouraged to sell the promo due to the incentive promised from day one. Kindly inform the responsible people and department to forward any resolutions and explanations to my former colleagues at Reservations as well. I prefer them to know what the truth is so that any extra effort on their part would not be further wasted.

Reading about this new information has made me highly distrustful of the company as a whole. What other things have been kept from us? Were we being blatantly lied to? Or is it just for my case alone? If so, is it because I was an exiting employee on the way out from this 5-star resort? Please explain.

It would be very unfair practice if a promise was made to me and/or my colleagues at Reservations, and to find out that delivery of the promise was inconsistent or never made at all, well, that just makes me shake my head in disbelief.

I know that (Said Hotel) represents fantastic delivery of value-added services intended to delight its paying customers. I also hope that the same applies to its working employees as well, whether present or previous. I appreciate all honesty and transparency regarding (Said Hotel)'s decision - to whether honor its promise or not.

If I am entitled to the incentives, kindly help me understand what really happened.
If I am not entitled to receive the incentive, kindly help me understand the guidelines, the fine print, and the loopholes for the lack of entitlement. I deserve at least the dignity of an explanation. At least future exiting employees would not also feel the way I do.

And, regarding the processing of my last pay, HR informed me that they sent the clearance February. The exact date escapes my mind at the moment. To inform me that Accounting received it March 13 makes me raise my eyebrows even higher. Which department is telling the truth?

I feel so seriously betrayed and manipulated, specially when I trusted so much on (Said Hotel)'s competency as a 5-star company with 5-star service with an aim to honor its 5-star delivery of a promise.

I hope you will not confirm all my fears, as I believe (Said Hotel) to be a wonderful brand and an excellent group of company to work for. I certainly hope that this incident does not further tarnish my perception of (Said Hotel) and other properties connected to it. That would be a shame.

I know that the Paymaster's Office is just one of the few departments which need to be involved. I would appreciate if all responsible departments and persons can quickly coordinate and efficiently resolve this situation, explain everything to me and to the untiring, unrecognized, and extremely stressed-out Reservations Agents who have made the extra effort to help increase revenue for (Said Hotel).

Thank you for your time and effort.

Kind regards,
Trey

Sunday, March 16, 2008

i'm yours

that's jason mraz for you.

i love this song. so breezy. and so light. it makes me smile. green grass. sunny afternoon. wildflowers. fruit juice over electrically cold globs of ice. white and yellow butterflies. the smell of jasmine in the air. faint sound of laughter and conversation. a bowl of strawberries, some mint leaves and green tea syrup over vanilla and orange gelato.

which is a welcome respite from my morning so far. i've received an email from my former employer stating that all the incentives i've worked hard to meet apparently count to nothing. and i'm cc-ing everyone including the new gm my reply. we'll see how well it goes. *evil grin*

i got krispy kreme!!! sigh. drooling as i write. with the limited easter edition. i love shir for giving me a dozen of the devilishly heavenly donuts.

still not over the flu. i might need to go get a sauna and massage session. ahem.

i think i might continue the job with bubz. i've asked him to fire me. he just laughs. grr. bubz, fire me already!!!

i can't afford to use eye creams on dark louis vuitton bags under my eyes.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

caught in the middle

i awoke to find i had aching joints. fantastic. i have the flu.

my body is trying to tell me something. is it old age? hahaha! i laugh out loud as i think of this reason. and maybe some might say so.

i say it's the strange hours i've been keeping.

kudos to bubz for doing the work he's doing for so long. i don't think i have the capacity to even do half of what he's doing. i don't think i'm cut out for this thing.

i have to tell bubz that this line of work is not for me.

and so, with my newly-bought striped pink mug filled with hot brewed coffee, i open my mailbox. and i'm rattled to see a debacle going on.

apparently, i've been linked romantically to a good friend overnight. who's presently attached to his jealous bf of 8 months. working outside. ay yay yay. the joke was posted on an online message board. sigh.

damage control from the posters. apologies offered all around. i hope everything works out well for those two. it's always the trust issue.

on the other hand, i am delighted to have a new friend. a masseur. who is hot. and a damn fucking good teaser with his massage.

ay. i'm in lust.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

the battle of the oc's

i don't know if to cry or to be brave.

work has never been more challenging. meetings take hours to start. and to think this is my fourth day. it's difficult to work in an unstructured and fluid environment. such a new situation for someone who craves limits and scopes like me.

on the other hand, the project is a big one. it helps a lot of people get empowered. helps society. i hope it does. it seems promising. but there are still doubts. there is something off. i can't pinpoint it. but there is.

and if only the people involved would be a bit... time-conscious. no, that's not the word. or maybe it is.

i think i shall go crazy eventually if this keeps up.

according to rona, i baptized someone with my acid tongue.

i was slightly cranky from lack of sleep. sleep debt is now 8 hours from last week. yes, dear reader. i count my sleep debt. and a chirpy over 30-year old woman i was just introduced to plunked down beside me and proceeds to dull my ears with inane chatter. and managed to finagle my phone from my hands and play with it.

trey loves order.

trey loves to help.

but trey can't have both at the same time.

what would trey do?

Sunday, March 9, 2008

what my name means - daw! (char!)

There are 6 letters in your name.
Those 6 letters total to 25
There are 2 vowels and 4 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 7

The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:
Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth.

You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor.

You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations.

You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word.

You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it.

You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

Your Soul Urge number is: 11

A Soul Urge number of 11 means:
With the 11 Soul Urge, much of your thinking and interests relate to the abstract, the spiritual, and utopian dreams. You are motivated toward idealistic concepts, and the sharing of your ideas and concepts with humanity. This number is not one that is giving in a material or a practical sense, but rather one who desires to help mankind with a more abstract commodity such as religion, spiritualism, occult studies, or even psychic abilities.

If you possess the positive 11 Soul Urge traits, you have a dream of the perfect world; you are highly idealistic and inspirational. Your inner strength and devotion to your beliefs are extremely strong. You have a very good mind that is especially well equipped to handle the higher, more abstract forms of thought.

If there is an excess of 11 energy in your makeup, you may possess some the negative 11 traits. There is a tendency for the 11 to produce considerable amounts of nervous tension which is bought on by a very high level of awareness. You may be too sensitive and overly emotional. In some cases, these sensitivities and emotions are quite repressed, and this tends to add even more to the sense of nervousness in the makeup.

The strong 11 is not a very practical person because of the extreme idealism; often, there is a degree of self-deception present. There is usually a rather fixed idea of right and wrong held by those showing strong 11 traits, and with this very often is a resulting attitude of inflexibility.

Your Inner Dream number is: 5

An Inner Dream number of 5 means:
You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplish.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

sexy, silly, scary

scary:
saturday, 1:30 am

i am home, breathless, panting, sweaty. my nerves are shot. i have just lost my stalker.

i saw him in the corner of my eye as i left chowking colon. he was gay. thin. dyed blond. slightly effeminate.

i did not pay any attention when he started to follow me on my way home. i glanced back to check for oncoming cars. that's when i saw him. walking purposely, staring at me.

i quickened my pace. turned another block. i looked over my shoulder. he was still there. i made a plan. i would go past the side streets and turn around a corner, and then run to the next corner and walk the other way. and it worked. to my big relief.

fyi cruisers and dear readers:
this is not how you cruise a guy. it should be obvious that if the guy is walking quickly, he is just not that into you.

silly:
saturday, 12:45 am

i just left mt. i'm hungry. oops. my favorite chicken place is closed. i go somewhere else.

i am enjoying a hot, spicy noodle concoction from chowking when my concentration is interrupted by the voice of an articulate woman, by herself, announcing without pause:

"i am wonderwoman. i'm on the top of the world looking, down on... yes your honor. the litigation process is under way. jose rizal. mandaue. cinema. oh, it cuts like a knife... how many woodchucks make wood and c is for the candy cane around the christmas tree... i'm telling you that the deal is impossible to make because you can hold me close, let your love surround me, bring me near, draw me to your side..."

it continued for almost 30 minutes, much to the giggling of the 3 employees and 5 customers.

and senility became a topic between che, the super nice and thoughtful night manager, and me. soon after, the deranged dame quieted down, and several customers came in. i thought it was time to leave, as i had already been entertained quite enough. little did i think that i would be in a suspense clip in a few minutes.

sexy:
friday, 11:00 pm

met mt for updates, chika lang. he still has a very impressive body. rock-hard, solid muscles. we ended up in the shower.

he loves the mango body scrub. so do i.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

excerpts from my escape

warning: conversations may be condensed and/or edited for privacy and relevance.

after filling out the employee exit survey, hr reviews it and asks follow up questions. below is a part of the follow-up.

hr: why do you think that management decisions aren't fair?
trey: (smiles) there are too many people who should be promoted, but are not. instead, those who are promoted tend to be lazy and pretentious.

hr: what do you mean?
trey: promotion means a reward for a work well done. in our department, promotion tends to be how much of a suck-up and backbiter you are.

hr: who are you referring to?
trey: (laughs) come on. everyone knows who he is. it's *****.

hr: (smiles) alright, i just wanted to confirm it. why do you think everyone dislikes him?
trey: (smiles) he says the right things to the people who make the decision, whether it's to advance himself at the expense of others, or to just present a negative impression of the person to everyone. he is very good at politics, i have to hand him that.

hr: mar is resigning. you know that?
trey: (laughs) yes, and i believe she has the same reasons as me. and she won't be the last. she is one of his backbiting victims.

hr: i have a feeling she won't be as well. what do you think is the problem in your department?
trey: i think it's the inability to be open to ideas, to acknowledge that there are problems, and that big decisions should not be hurried. the inability to distance personal and professional ties. the inability to be humble. the inability to be humane.

hr: would you say that there is a lack of communication?
trey: um, if not lack of, then it's the lack of the right form of communication. this is what is important. acknowledging the strengths of people and helping them overcome their weaknesses. not highlighting the mistakes and ignoring the achievements. it demoralizes employees.

hr: should we ask you to return, would you?
trey: (smiles) you know, i really like the job. if circumstances were changed and different, probably. otherwise, i would not want to be supervised by a stupid asshole.

hr looks visibly shocked.

hr: really?
trey: (laughs) would you? this guy is obviously unqualified. it's just that hr doesn't have a choice because all the qualified people have resigned. you know, it's sad to see this company go down like that because the culture is so pervasive on personal relations rather than on merits and achievements.

hr: (laughs) that's true. we don't have anyone else. but what do you recommend we do?
trey: you don't have a choice. that's just it. i believe that our department is not the only one suffering from the following: overwork, stress, pressure, unqualified power-hungry ass kissers - one of them or any combinations. am i right?

hr nods.

trey: to change the company's culture would be like trying to change a tree. it may need a big change such as massive uprooting, or you may continue to treat the symptoms rather than treating the cause. you may be left with undeserving people while good people continue to leave the company in droves.

hr: what do you think is the cause?
trey: complacency. the fear of change. how change would affect the people and the profit. the reluctance to let go of the familiar and to embrace the new. people are often afraid to challenge and improve themselves.

hr asks trey more questions. then after a while, the interview ends.

a day in paradise

i went to visit my ex-company yesterday. and was i surprised to see how many new people have come in because of the number of employees that left. and to hear that there are more leaving is just sad. such a shame to see an international luxury brand go down.

i did my exit interview. and aired out my concerns. i doubt much will be done about my concerns. which can be frustrating. i know i won't be the last one to voice the same concerns. mar is staying until the 31st. with the same concerns.

and i went to visit my old office. half were new people. my god! amidst shouts of "oh my god!", "you're here!", "we miss you!", and "you're looking good!" (ahem), i realized how much i missed most of the lovely people i used to work with.

beso here, beso there. my god. i miss them. we'll probably go out this friday for coffee and chika. although i did catch up much of the office goings-on with liza and mar. mid and top management have really gone power-mad.

and then there was red. the guy i constantly tease to make chula with me. tall, dark, and hard. ahem! he looked good, albeit a bit haggard. i used to think he wasn't my type. but he could be. could i possibly turn him?

and i couldn't believe they haven't processed my last pay yet. it's been more than 2 months.

i don't know why i'm excited today. is it a spillover of my high from yesterday? or is the universe telling me something else?

maybe i'll find out later. if not, i'll find out soon enough!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

chika lang

i just chatted with 6 people simultaneously today.

i scrambled to reply to everyone while maintaining the conversation as if nothing happened.

and it's not really easy. well, for me, anyway.

first was with my ex-officemate. apparently, they're getting more pressured than before to perform well. it's a great company, but the management just sucks.

second was with a matchmaker friend. he believes that i should end up with chatter 3. or with another guy. or with some other guy. yes b, that's you.

third is a friend who is in a relationship and has a situation to deal with. i admire his responsibility and drive. i don't know him well enough aside from that.

fourth is a funny witty guy who keeps a blog too. j, that's you. if you do know about this blog and if you do happen to read it on one of your rare days off.

fifth is my bludgeoning man-hunting buddy. hi-ho, hi-ho, many men to go. wait, did we suddenly become gay dwarves?

sixth is a friend selling nutritional supplements and checking to see if i can get him more referrals.

all at the same time.

funniest thing happened last sunday. i got hit on by a girl. then stared at by a married man with his family. and then flirted with by a fastfood crew. and then stared at by a cute high school boy.

maybe it's true, b. maybe it's the hair. even though i've been dying to shave it all off.

i forgot how it feels to be wanted, and to want in return.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

saturday

curled up in bed? check. but did not sleep. 30 hours and counting.

luxuriating in spa treatments? next week.

went out for coffee? well, mango passion burst in starbucks. a fruit mix at a coffee shop.

hit the bars? the only thing i hit was my head on my pillow. without sleeping.

eating pears - my favorite. coming in at 6 in the morning, showering, and getting decaf with lots of cream and some sugar, eggs and toast, milk crackers, strawberry flavored knick-knacks, and watching arrested development.

after a night of much fun and laughter with good friends.

never mind that my temporary crown for my root canal fell off twice after laughing my ass off.