trey's trap

(caught in a) bad romance

2009-11-29T13:58:00.000+08:00

finally

2009-10-18T11:36:00.003+08:00

after months of absence, all self-imposed, i have decided to start writing again.

i've been in so many ups and downs. mostly downs, but i've managed to stay up.

one thing that has helped me maintain my faith is, let's just call him mr king.

mr king and i began exchanging messages via email, then via ym, then via sms, until we met up. and we did not meet up for sex, or for friendship, but for vitamins. lol! yes, vitamins. sad, isn't it?

from the moment i saw him, i had a huge crush already. the feelings i had were unrequited, however, and i accepted this fact without ill will. though it did make me feel a little bit unwanted though. lol!

recently, on one of my rare reorders, we chanced to talk more and at length, as it happened that both of us were in no hurry to leave the meeting place. and i learned many things about him, and we shared so many views and preferences, which led me to like him even more. except that i had to stop myself from doing so.

then, it so happened that we spoke about fantasies we had sexually. and it turns out that we have similar tastes in terms of fantasy and fetish preferences. i liked this, he liked it too. i like this done to me, he liked to do that too. i was the car, and he was the driver. i was excited, he got excited. and then i remembered something that stopped me in my tracks.

i would forever remain a friend to him, yet i know that so few men like him exist.

it was all i could do not to sigh out loud. but i did tell him that there should be a clone of him made just for me, without the gene that would make him think of me only as a friend. lol! he laughed, and again brushed it aside. ouch!

the hours whizzed by, and soon we had to part. i left him, and i left the lighted area and walked into the wet and dark streets that sadly comforted and gently welcomed me.

obsessed

2009-08-18T10:07:00.002+08:00

masseur-crush finally did it.

let me begin at the very start.

it was sunday. i had planned a massage at one of my haunts days ago. and i wanted that massage because the last one i had was not as i had expected. and it would be masseur-crush who would handle me this time.

so there i was on my stomach, naked as the day i was born except for a flimsy piece of towel covering my ass. masseur-crush came in, smiled, and began the massage.

we've always had very wholesome - though playful - treatments, so i felt myself relax and gave up my body to his expert hands.

"whew. it's hot here." masseur-crush commented. he took off his shirt, and he looked better than i saw him last. he smiled again when he saw me glance at him. then it was blissful wholesome massage as usual.

suddenly, towards the end, it became playful. just like old times. hands everywhere, touching, groping, rubbing, kneading, squeezing, fondling. and without warning, his hands were between my legs. in my hazy state of arousal, i was a bit surprised.

without a word, he continued to touch me, and then his hands slowly but deliberately ran up and down my hard-on. it excited me more, and even more so when he positioned himself on top of me. the excitement was just too much, and i came without warning and without delay - which would have been normally difficult since i'd already jerked off several times that day.

he smiled and handed me the towel. and in my startled daze, i scrambled to give him a huge tip, even though we've never talked about rates before.

and now i wonder. will my future massages be like that?

i'm sure many will find it the most perfect situation. hot masseur, free extra, and good massage.

but i'd always categorized him under wholesome. then he is no more. and then i am confused - though sated.

i came, we saw, he conquered.

the color purple

2009-08-16T10:01:00.001+08:00

apparently, purple is the in color for the country - when it should've been in two years ago.

ugh.

what's new?

call me

2009-08-15T10:05:00.001+08:00

because i got a new phone.

the sony ericsson t700. i've been salivating over this phone for ages, though i was very happy with my nokia 6300.

though there are more high-end models out there, i really don't believe in paying for something so expensive that depreciates quickly due to its technology. and i always prefer bar-type phones over clamshells and sliding phones.

that was what made me buy nokia 6300.

a few months later, i saw the sony ericsson t700.

a year later, i got it because of a three-thousand peso discount.

each brand has its own pros and cons, but i have no regrets at all.

i love my new phone.

noel, noel, noel

2009-08-06T10:03:00.002+08:00

let's call him noel. i don't know what his real name is. it was a case of mistaken identity, and i tried noel for the first time per bubz's suggestion. and honestly, i was curious too. i mean, i want to try who is good and bad at wholesome massage.

noel is good at soft massage. quite good. and i normally don't go for soft massages. and then his fingers suddenly got brave and explored places and things that wholesome massages don't.

i opened my eyes in shock and pleasure.

his fingers just felt so good. and soon, his pants were undone, his cock was out, and he was jacking me off.

i came, i saw, i conquered.

manjam

2009-07-27T09:05:00.004+08:00

i opened an account with manjam last week, i think. and then i have the most stupid questions asked of me. i guess it's only telling of the kind of people who populate the site. including me. LOL!

i do love a lot of the members there, mainly because they have very funny and witty profiles. i'm just going to note down the non-lovable ones.

anyway, i got this account because g4m has long since died and joined planetromeo in the nether regions of cyberspace. and planetromeo sucks. i don't know why, but it does.

there's also pinoy g4m for those who miss the original g4m. it's admirable in the sense that they wish to keep the functionality of g4m.

i guess that it just proves that, regardless of the sites, questions and demands of moronic proportions persist. and here are some of them:

top or bottom?
answer i'd like to write: it's in my profile, you lazy illiterate fucktard.
answer i gave: it's in my profile.

pics.
answer i'd like to write: if i had more, they'd be there, wouldn't they?
answer i gave: none, sorry.

friendster.
answer i'd like to write: then why the hell are you in manjam?
answer i gave: none, sorry.

game?
answer i'd like to write: card, online, or word?
answer i gave: for what?

sup?
answer i'd like to write: 7, surf's, bottoms
answer i gave: hello too.

email?
answer i'd like to write: whose?
answer i gave: what?

discreet?
answer i'd like to write: shhh.
answer i gave: what?

i guess i really am too sarcastic, but at least i've kept it in check now.

thank you, Lord.

Jill and Kevin

2009-07-26T09:47:00.002+08:00

AM SO TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH THIS VIDEO!!!

i love that they took a chance and made their wedding fun and memorable. i heard that they didn't ask the entourage to rehearse, but rather, asked them to dance to however they wished.

LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!

time

2009-07-25T09:07:00.001+08:00

vegging out today.

i was planning to go out but then laziness took over and here i am, mindlessly flipping through channels.

let's see what's on.

attack of the show. i love this show, when i can catch it. brings out the geek in me. i see avatar made its debut, though no details have emerged yet.
graphic novels. comic-con. good lord. i am drooling!
sandman. my god i love that series.

hm. shark. i love the tall black guy. hot.

ftv. french coutoure. interesting.

cnn. news. where is anderson cooper?

velvet is showing hair shoppe. queen latifah. and years later, she'd be on hairspray. coincidence?

the nanny is on. campy. nasal. zingers.

frasier. god. i love the series.

food network.

hbo. some boring movie.

cinemax. another boring movie.

star movies. ice age trailer. even more boring.

what do you know? it's six pm already.

short story - elsa

2009-07-21T08:50:00.004+08:00

i'm starting a series of short stories that will help me in writing better tales. this one came up to me from nowhere and i just had to write it down.

*****
The girl awoke from her dream. It was a strange dream, filled with people and languages she didn't understand.

Her name was Elsa. She lived in a luxurious penthouse somewhere in Park Avenue, left to her by a senile uncle who had leapt to his death from a balcony.

She was an orphan. She didn’t have to ask, she already knew. It was obvious that she did not inherit her fiery red hair and pale milky skin from her known relatives. And her eyes – well, they were just the most peculiar shade of green. Which was why she often wore dark glasses whenever she went out. If ever she did.

Elsa took a deep breath and closed her eyes in the darkness. The dreams she thought had left her years ago had come back to haunt her once more. She remembered the first time she dreamt of them. She had been a frightened ten year-old child, clutching her worn yellow blanket provided by Uncle Emory. Aunt Emily had just passed away, and Elsa’s bizarre dreams had been explained by Uncle Emory as a traumatic experience of losing a loved one.

Elsa had never believed it. Aunt Emily had never cared for her. In fact, Aunt Emily had often complained about her. She had secretly believed that her aunt had taken a dislike to her mainly because of her unusual appearance. It seemed to cause many women to loathe the sight of her.

She got up from her bed and went to get a glass of water. She stood outside on the balcony, the same balcony that Uncle Emory had jumped from almost a year ago. The cold air revived her. She looked down. The city was bathed in artificial light, garish and soft, glittering and still. It calmed Elsa’s soul.

She turned back and headed towards her bed, her bare feet soft against the hardwood floors. She paused as she passed by the hallway mirror, looking at her reflection.

I need to go out, she mused. It’s time.

She glanced at the clock. Three o’clock. Elsa headed to the bathroom, where she took great care to clean herself before she doused her translucent skin with rich lotions that smelled of exotic flowers and secret promises.

She grabbed the nearest skirt and top from her meager belongings and quickly put on her most lavish purchase: a pair of scarlet high-heeled shoes that made her taller than she seemed. She brushed her hair once more. And then she was ready.

She came back to the apartment an hour later, but not alone. Elsa guided her companion inside her penthouse, where she quickly took off her silky lilac dress and stood before him naked. She could see lust in his eyes as she posed provocatively in front of him.

She ran her hands through her body, and she saw that he reveled in the sight of her young nudity. She took his rough, calloused hands and ran them through her body. She shivered at the coarseness and it excited her. She felt herself growing moist, and soon enough his hands found her womanhood on their own.

She gasped as he slid one finger inside, and then two, and then three. She heard him curse under his breath as he marveled at her wet snugness. Elsa hurriedly unbuttoned his pants and then it was before her.

She turned around and pushed against him, without any warning. Elsa realized it caught him by surprise as she impaled herself against him. Their coupling was violent, and she was his master.

She pushed him to the floor and sat on top of him, rocking fiercely. She could feel him protest slightly as she viciously rammed against his manhood. And it didn’t take long. She felt the waves coming. Her nipples got harder as she felt the first ripples.

Her naked thighs grazed against his dirty jeans, halfway undone, and the sensation drove her to greater heights of passion. Elsa crouched above him like a pale naked spider trapping her still-clothed prey, feeling him inside her, unaware that the sight also gave him a great and uneasy pleasure. She felt him squeeze her erect pink nipples, and it was that that drove her over the brink.

Suddenly, it was flowing, and it didn’t stop for some time. She gasped and contracted, shuddering. Elsa heard him yell out to stop, but she was too caught up in her frenzy to think clearly. It came over her, overwhelming her senses, shattering her sanity. She never heard his pleas, nor did she notice that he had stopped.

She ran her hands down his face sadly, the whiteness of her skin contrasting with the darkness of his. She would have not given him a second look if not for the dream that she had had. But it, finally, had made sense tonight.

She had to take a life to start hers.

She began to understand everything and everyone around her. Elsa opened her mouth slightly. Her red, chapped lips parted halfway, but nothing came out of it. She felt a flash of panic as she realized that her actions might have been a mistake after all.

It can’t be, Elsa despaired.

She tried one more time to move her tongue, and finally a sliver of sound escaped from her throat. She fell over the body of the dead man in relief, her warm tears soaking his grimy shirt as she collapsed in exhaustion. She took a deep breath and slept soundly, still on top of the body. At last, she dreamt of black stars in a red sky.

The next days to come, the media would dedicate their headlines to the strange and miraculous recovery of 13 year-old Elsa P. Straussberg , who had been mute all her life despite several consultations with top medical experts. They would rehash the strange deaths that haunted her famous and infamous family the past few years, thus making her the sole surviving heir to the almost incalculable Straussberg fortune.

And at the back section of some newspapers, there would also be a small column reporting the body of an unidentified man found dead, a few blocks away from Park Avenue, from apparent heart condition.

the second time around

2009-07-15T09:28:00.000+08:00

my newest fave from lady gaga.

i wish i could upload the song on this blog. i just don't know how, and i don't see any option to upload it on this particular blog.

one of the most surprising songs from lady gaga, and it's on constant replay.

hero

2009-07-14T09:24:00.002+08:00

ever since his appearance as sylar on 'heroes', i've always had a thing for zac quinto.

tall, lanky, and beautiful, he plays one of the baddest villains in the series.

guess i'm a sucker for bad boys.

season three has him paired with my girl-crush kristen bell of 'veronica mars' and 'gossip girl' fame, who also happens to be a good friend of zac's in real life. the most intriguing pairing of 'heroes', if you ask me. too bad she dies in the script. as we know it.

the other pairings were just blah, except for hiro and ando. who do you think is the top, and who is the bottom of these two?

xoxo,
trey aka mrs zac quinto

fields of gold

2009-07-13T09:23:00.001+08:00

i've got grandpa syndrome.

while reading a back issue of details, i chanced upon the article, and it sort of amused and horrified me.

several indicators i think, matched me up to the syndrome, which i totally find hilarious.

- i find most bars too noisy.
- i sometimes talk excitedly about what a good deal i got on a purchase.
- i carry tissue (only if i carry a bag).
- i look over my shoulder at the atm.
- i'm terrified of, not turned on by, tila tequila.

not that i'm afraid of growing old. i welcome it.

but the article was just too funny for words!

trey's godiva gelatin

2009-07-11T08:24:00.003+08:00

it's one of my guiltiest pleasures, and one of the easiest to make.

i'm a sucker for desserts, and this is one of my most favorite to make and devour!

ingredients:

gelatin powder or sheet
instant coffee powder, either caffeinated or decaf is fine, but you can also use freshly brewed coffee in place of water to make the gelatin
milk, or powdered milk in whatever variant you prefer - full, skimmed, low-fat, soy
sugar or honey, to taste
tapioca balls (optional)
vanilla extract (optional)

1. prepare the gelatin as it should be. directions depend on what kind of gelatin you're going to use. sheet or powder, just follow the directions in the package.

2. as soon as the gelatin melts seamlessly into the water, add the instant coffee powder. you can add the instant coffee powder before or during heating of the gelatin. if you're using freshly brewed coffee, use it in place of water. bring liquid mixture to a boil while stirring constantly, preferably with a whisk.

3. pour coffee gelatin into your mold. i suggest a flat mold. i also use ice cube trays in shapes of stars and hearts that i got from projekt, a store in parkmall. it makes for interesting display.

4. after the gelatin has cooled and firmed, you may slice it into strips with a blunt knife if you're using the flat mold or remove the gelatin shapes from the ice cube trays. you can also use cookie cutters to make shapes too.

5. prepare the milk. if you're using milk, add sugar or honey according to taste. if you're using powdered milk, add sugar to taste before mixing with water. if you're using powdered milk, add the honey after. you may also add vanilla extract at this point.

6. pour the coffee gelatin strips into the sweetened milk, and you may add tapioca balls at this point.

7. chill the mixture.

8. spoon the cold concoction into serving plates or glasses.

9. eat, sip, and enjoy.

coffee has anti-oxidants.
honey is good for the body.
milk promotes health.

and you can use freshly brewed tea instead of coffee for a different twist, which i do from time to time.

good girls go bad

2009-07-09T08:08:00.001+08:00

one song that has been in constant replay for the past two months!

kiss me

2009-07-09T07:14:00.001+08:00

i ran errands yesterday, and it was very hot and muggy in the downtown streets, so i took refuge at the coldness of emall.

while perusing the grocery market, i happened to see an ex-fb. one that i have never seen in ages, and it made me remember the first time we hooked up.

his name is mark. we had met years ago, while pic-link was one of the more popular online social networking and friendster was still in the start-up stage. we exchanged messages, sent each other our cellphone numbers, and we started to text.

we decided to meet up. he is tall, almost six feet tall. athletic.

we went to a local motel. mark was a good kisser, and he had no inhibitions about showing his passion. we kissed, our tongues played against and with each other as warm water coursed over our slippery bodies in the shower.

"what are you into?" i asked him while he held me in his arms and pressed me against his hardness.
mark paused from kissing my neck. "i'm open to anything."
"okay. rim me."
he looked at me. "rim?"
"yep."
"what's that?"
i was in a very QAF moment.

i smiled and said nothing. we soaped each other down, and i made sure he was thoroughly clean before we got out and headed to the bed. one thing i liked about mark was that he was not... typical.

he knelt on top of the bed and motioned me to come to him. and we kissed again, this time long and slow kisses.

"suck me. please." mark begged.

i obliged him. my mouth closed over his hard-on, and he gasped as i took it whole and leisurely. when i ran my tongue over his balls, he almost cried out.

"open your legs." i told him.
he spread his legs wide, panting and hard.
"no. wider." i grinned.
"what are you going to do to me?" his eyes were glazed from our kisses.
i didn't say anything. instead, i ran my tongue down his crack. he cried out, loudly.
"now you know what rimming is." i smiled. "get on your knees and down on all fours."

the rest of the night passed by too quickly.
we had a lot of fun, and we did a lot more than rim.
(grin)

i have to say that mark is still one of the more uninhibited guys i've been with. damn. in hindsight (no pun intended), i should've gotten his number at emall. except that he didn't see me at all since he was with his girlfriend. damn!

but all in all, our first hook-up was indeed, a very good friday on a week that most would consider holy.

yeah, i'm bad.

paparazzi

2009-07-07T08:08:00.003+08:00

crazy about the video, obsessed with the song.

hungry like the wolf

2009-06-30T07:27:00.001+08:00

abover contacted me again. i had previously posted about abover before, but under a different name. i just can't recall, for the life of me, what name i had posted him under. so abover it is for now.

he wanted to meet. i love abover's body, but i just can't really get over his face. not that i would call him ugly. i don't think he is. he has a great body, very muscular. he also has a good dick, with a beautifully-formed bulbuous head. he loves to fuck. yet there is something about him that makes me hesitate.

maybe it's because i'm inherently not attracted to his category of beauty. on paper, he seems good. i know for a fact there are many admirers of his. there's just something off about him to me.

so, for the meantime, i still long for mt.

til we meet again

2009-06-29T07:26:00.001+08:00

a few days ago, i was with rm, introduced by a mutual friend.

rm is younger than me, shorter than me, and very muscular. in fact, he had competed in a recent bodybuilding contest, though he didn't win. it was a shame, though it was pretty obvious to tell that his chances were slim right from the start, considering the bulk of the contestants were in his competitive (short) category. at 5'5 he did cut an impressive figure, with his very broad shoulders and heavily muscled torso that slowly tapered down to his taut six-packed stomach and splayed down to his heavy thighs and legs.

he wanted to meet at a motel, so we did. i fulfilled part of my muscle fantasy. as he headed to shower up, i washed him down. water and soap made our skin deliciously slippery. i stood behind him as we lathered, marveling at the size and hardness of his body. he leaned back against me, my hard cock nestling between the cheeks of his bubble butt.

and so the dance began. it was not tango, it was not waltz, it wasn't even a frenetic dance one would dance with gusto.

it was more like a shuffling of the feet to an awkward beat that soon ended on a low note.

so there we were, in bed. i, on top of his warm body - as he hugged me, suddenly had a thought. this was the second time we had been together, and the second time that it was unexciting. he didn't do much, the sex was not really passionate, nor was there even a foreplay. it was, as samantha jones would term it, a deal-breaker. and then and there i decided, it was over.

though he was hot, he was not mt.

i still crave for mt.

so it was over for rm.

without you

2009-06-28T07:27:00.002+08:00

i think it's time to post about mt.

mt is a bodybuilder who i mistook for someone else i know. it was a rather embarrassing experience, but it did make us acquaintances, and dare i say, friends.

he is tall, very muscular, and unconventionally attractive. i also find him charming and funny. and he has one of the biggest dick i've ever seen in real life. unfortunately, i suspect he is married with a child, though he did not confirm anything. he gave me my first hickey. well, it was a series of hickeys. i hated that. i didn't know he did it until i saw them.

"just so that i'll know if you have someone who'll get jealous if he sees them." this was what he said when i confronted him. i must confess, it did make me a little tingly in certain places.

yet we've never gone past anything farther than touching.

strange, isn't it? it has been over a year since we've been together. two years even, i think.

he's been busy working as a personal trainer.

oh, how i miss him.

strange stories, amazing facts

2009-06-27T19:24:00.000+08:00

almost a month without posts.

i've been a little busy, catching up on my sleep. i haven't even checked my usual online haunts.

i've decided to write this post on the unseen world, which is totally out of character for me. but it has always been such a part of my life - it's just that i haven't told many people about the other side of me.

being pinoy, we are all used to everyone we know having at least one supernatural story.

i have several.

actually, i think my so-called sixth sense is semi-operational. i am a little used to it, though. as a child, i used to play underneath a large tambis tree. and i was told that i sometimes seemed to play as if i had a playmate. but i don't remember any of this at all.

as a child too, i would hear voices calling my name. this started when i was around grade three. now, i know this sounds schizophrenic - and i could be accused of worse, and these voices called out to me from the strangest places. i would be walking in the streets to or from school, and i would hear a voice calling me from above me. in the restroom, in the classroom, in the shower at home, and in my room too. they ceased after i ignored them for months. but i can't ever forget that episode.

nor could i ever forget the week in my fifth grade when i got so disoriented. i had three successive nightly dreams that would become true and live out the next day. the most mundane things confused me, because i was sure i had done them already. the assignments, the lectures, even down to the snippets of conversations i had with friends. well, one would think that it was a good thing that i dreamed about the assignments ahead of time. but i wasn't that conscientious of a student. thank god that successive dream phase only lasted for a bit.

although, after that, i still had dreams that would occur later in my life. nothing major most of the time. i've dreamt of deaths, of happiness, of monotony. sometimes they happen a few weeks later, or months later, or even years later. even up to a decade. one just recently occurred to me while i sat in a waiting room for a consultation with a doctor, and i'd dreamt that exact moment more than ten years ago.

i think they call it deja vu. or precognition. whatever. i've learned to live with it. but it still jolts me from time to time when it happens.

and this is just one of the several strange things that continue to happen to me.

the rest will be in other posts.

going gaga for lady gaga

2009-05-30T11:04:00.003+08:00

oh my effing god.

lady gaga's paparazzi video is out now.

i've had this song in my head for forever!

and the video does not disappoint!

thank you GOD!

dove

2009-05-27T10:49:00.002+08:00

i was very pleased to find that one of the supermarkets i frequent had the dove energy bar. and the dove pro-age soap. and there was dove with the extra cream thing. i really forgot. i think it must've been the minutes i stood there, sniffing each variant, trying to decide which one i like best.

and then i found out that dove also had a buy-three-free-one bar deal for their original cream bar.

someone definitely broke the bank that day.

dove has always had a special place in my shower. i remember as a kid, we used dove before we were told not t0. not because it was bad for the skin. but because dove, way back then, was associated with the lalatz-for-hire. apparently, because dove was so prized, these lalatz-for-hire would often bathe themselves with dove to appear more enticing to their johns for the night. the girls were told not to use dove in case they be mistaken for lalatz-for-hire, and the boys were told not to use dove in case they be mistaken as having used the services of the lalatz-for-hire.

flash-forward to current times. dove has become a beacon of light for all. it's continued to champion the definition of real beauty. it's also continued to develop its market. i think i've never had better skin with dove. i also love its shower gel variation, which i used for the first time in high school when an aunt from spain sent it to me. i can't wait to start using dove again, as i've experimented with olay's soap, which is good, but not as good (for me) as dove.

i've experimented with a lot of products, and so far, in terms of quality and price, dove still beats its competitors in the same price category in every way. i just wonder why they haven't done the men's skin line yet. or at least create a campaign that's more unisex. i think they should. men, specially gay men, are very particular about grooming, and have been one of the biggest market with the highly-dispensible income, even in these trying times. just look at the abundance of massage parlors popping up all over.

who knows? that whole dove unisex campaign might take on a life of its own.

heal the world

2009-05-26T09:10:00.004+08:00

i've recently succumbed to one of the most dreaded addictions ever: gardening.

situated in the city, i don't even know why i pursued gardening in the first place. i hardly have direct sunlight, much less any ground to nest my plants in. so i opted to buy pots, pots, and pots. i do have several old world plants with me at the moment: sampaguita, rosal, gumamela, sanseviera, ground orchids, a yet-to-be-identified jasmine-like plant, and forget-me-nots.

maybe it is because there isn't any flora around that drove me to seek out planting these wonderful greens around. plus, i've always loved plants and trees and flowers ever since i was a child. i remember growing up in the then suburban area of pardo with a caimito tree, several tambis trees of different colors, the local bayabas (with the deliciously soft and sweet pink flesh) shrub, and even a cacao tree. we also had calamansi, chinese jasmine, tiger lilies, the ever-reliable santan, san francisco shrubs, african daisies, rosal, vanda orchids, and of course, the sampaguita. just the memories alone make me smile, when i ate tambis every summer.

i now realize how fortunate i was to live in such wonderful greenery at that time. so now, i attempt to recreate the spirit of my childhood. i shudder to think that this may be my mid-life crisis. lol!

currently, i have this plant i'm having problem identifying though. it starts out with a five-leaf cluster, and then some of these five-leaf cluster become six, seven, eight, or even nine leaves on one cluster. everyone says this plant is a lucky one because of this effect. so whoever knows the true name of this plant, i'd really appreciate it.

i am still awaiting several other plants to come in: chinese bamboo, money tree, and tuberoses. and maybe the ylang-ylang. will experiment with lavender and mint too. i wonder how they'll grow in a semi-shade environment that is my terrace. i'll have to see.

yes, i have a small little terrace in my place, which i later plan to make my little getaway. even though it is very near the hot exhaust and grumbling noise of several split airconditioners. lol!

plus, with some greenery around me, at least i'll be reducing some carbon footprint. even if that footprint turns out to be a little toe print. at least, there's a print. lol!

all the grayness and the mechanical noises around me in this concrete jungle of the city can make me a little too tense.

thank god for plants!

budbud kabog

2009-05-25T10:50:00.002+08:00

just enjoying this scrumptious treat from tuburan.

(super happy mode)

scandal galore

2009-05-24T10:50:00.007+08:00

i really don't understand what the big hoot is about the belo-kho-halili scandal.

i mean, just the conglomeration of their last names alone makes me giggle.

say it again. belokhohalili. makes me think of halitosis.

so they had sex.

so they made a sex tape.

so it was released.

in hollywood, it's how one becomes known. paris hilton wouldn't be paris if her sexual romp with the hung rick salomon didn't "accidentally" leak out.

who else? pamela anderson and tommy lee. colin farrell. kim kardashian. though there were those others who released their sex tapes, didn't take, and their careers became major flops, pardon the pun. it's how people fuel their careers, to become bigger celebrities than they are.

we can't deny it. it's done its purpose. the whole country is in uproar over it. also, please note the correct usage of "it's" and "its" in the same sentence.

i've seen the hayden videos. nothing groundbreaking. just a hot guy having sex with some girl. if they were doing the dirty sanchez, now that would be something else.

trey's basic marinara sauce

2009-05-21T08:23:00.001+08:00

the marinara sauce, for me, is one of the most multi-function sauces ever.

it can serve as pasta sauce, as dipping sauce, as pizza sauce, and as a base for soups and rice dishes.

so here's my take on the classic homemade marinara.

fresh tomatoes, seeded and peeled
garlic
onion
salt and pepper to taste

1. in a pot of boiling water, gently throw in the tomatoes for 30 to 45 seconds, then scoop them out into cool ice water.

2. peel off the skin, and remove the seeds.

3. sautee garlic and onions, salt and pepper to taste.

4. add deseeded and peeled tomatoes, simmer for 10 minutes.

5. pour mixture in processor or blender, then puree.

6. cool and store mixture in the refrigerator (or freezer) if not needed immediately. for the best taste, consume within a week.

of course, this is the homemade artsy fartsy version for those who have the time to do this. there is a very quick version of the sauce, specially if meant for pasta, which i will post another time. i only make the drawn-out version when i have the time to do so. otherwise, i always use the quickie marinara cheat sauce.

promise yourself

2009-05-20T08:04:00.004+08:00

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

Christian D. Larson

trey's salacious seasonal salad

2009-05-18T08:25:00.001+08:00

cucumber, seeded and sliced (or cubed)
carrots, cubed
potatoes, cubed
fresh apple, cubed
fresh pineapple, cubed
bacon bits, crisped
chicken, cubed
cheese, cubed
yoghurt, chilled
1 clove garlic, minced
1 large onion, minced
salt and pepper to taste

1. boil chicken meat for 15 minutes, then add potatoes and carrots. boil for another 10 minutes. this will also give you chicken stock, which you can later use by itself or in other dishes.

2. while boiling the chicken and vegetables, crisp the bacon bits until golden brown.

3. mince the garlic and onion, then stir into chilled yoghurt with salt and pepper to taste, which is to be separated from the salad until serving time. place seasoned yoghurt in the refrigerator to chill.

4. cut and core the apples and pineapples into cubes. combine both immediately, so that the acid in the pineapple juices prevent the apple from browning.

5. combine the cheese cubes, bacon bits, chicken meat, carrots, potatoes, and cucumber into the fresh apples and pineapple, mix, and then chill if you're serving it later.

6. when serving, pour chilled yoghurt over the salad.

7. enjoy.

notes:

cucumbers - i like them seeded, but not peeled. or go for seedless if you can. just wash them carefully if you want to retain their skins.

potatoes - i also like to leave the skin on. just make sure they are thoroughly washed. you can also substitute yams for a different take on the salad.

apples - i like them seeded with the skins still on. they make fantastic visuals against the green of the cucumber, the orange of the carrots, the yellow of the pineapples, and the brown of the potatoes.

of course, this is a basic recipe, and you may choose to alter it to suit your taste. but basically it's figure-friendly with mostly fresh and homemade ingredients, with little or no msg. you control what goes in. you can even make it totally vegetarian.

other ingredients you may choose to add or substitute:
fresh seafood, steamed (or buttered)
turkey, cubed
cauliflower
broccoli (my favorite)
roasted eggplant, cubed or sliced
cooked beans, drained
olives, pitted
fresh corn bits, steamed (or sauteed lightly in butter)
bulgur pilaf, cooked
tabasco sauce or rubbed chili flakes, for that spicy kick
citrus fruits, sliced
ginger, minced
vinaigrette (olive oil and balsamic vinegar, seasoned)
fruit dressings (olive oil and citrus juice, seasoned)
cebuano dressing (olive oil and pure tuba vinegar)
asian dressing (soy sauce, vinegar or citrus juice, sesame oil, with or without honey)

what i love about this salad is that you can make it as summery or as hearty as the seasons (and moods) change. i made my first one in the summer, so it was pretty light. i soon tried different dressings, and i discovered that each one created a different mood. the cheese choice also influence the overall taste. blue cheese, goat cheese, even your common cheddar cheese at the grocery. add spice for that middle eastern flavor, or olives for that mediterranean feel. the choices are endless.

bon appetit!

and so the wheel turns

2009-05-16T16:04:00.000+08:00

i took another online test.

and it's fun.

plus i love the card that showed up. dragon, phoenix, tiger, and turtle.

and i totally agree with its symbolism.

what goes around comes around.

sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down.

very me.

char.

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

mirror, mirror, on that wall...

2009-05-16T15:55:00.000+08:00

holy crap!

while reading mcvie's blog, i checked this out.

kinda true, the way i see myself. but not sure that this is how others see me.

but either way, it's a very very easy online test. i did it less than five minutes.

radio gaga

2009-05-15T10:00:00.001+08:00

i'm still behind on catching up on my sleep. yes, i'm one of those people who count sleep debt.

i should have known that a night out with bubz meant the following: coffee, massage, and then downing bottles of beer at the bar.

not that there's anything wrong with it. well, maybe a little. if i am going to age, i want to age well. and bubz's routine is not the way to do it. lol.

well, massage is one way. coffee is okay too. the bar scene can be okay. but not all mixed up in one night.

a few nights ago, bubz laid it out for us. by us, i meant bernz and me. it was to be in the following order: coffee, then massage, then the bars.

i was slightly disappointed that the spa we were going to was the birdland. it was not a spa that i was expecting to have a relaxing wholesome massage. and i was not wrong. the therapist assigned to me was a hustler. quick to cut to the chase, he almost immediately massaged my balls, then my cock, and asked if i wanted a happy ending.

no, i said firmly. i'm not here for that, i wanted to add, and your fingernails are too long and remind me of a woman's hands. but i kept quiet.

i glanced at the time. he spent less than 40 minutes 'massaging' me. but what did i expect at this place? i would've probably changed my mind if the therapist was hot. but he wasn't.

and he kept disturbing my nap by tweaking my nipples. it was annoying. but i slept for a bit anyway. in short, the massage i got was terrible.

good thing that i was able to accumulate points that it turned out free.

bernz joined me afterwards, all quiet and contemplative. god knows what went on his mind. bubz took longer. i could only guess what went on inside, as he was the first to get in his cubicle yet the last to come out.

let's go for a nightcap, bubz said.
yeah right, nightcap, i thought while rolling my eyes. i knew what it meant. it meant going to the bar and drinking beer and cruising. ugh.

so there we were, bubz, bernz, and me at the bar. having that 'nightcap', according to bubz. i now have very low tolerance for alcohol, unlike when i was in my teens. and soon i was flushed. maybe it was the redness of my face that caught the attention of several people. but let's be clear. i wasn't there to pick up guys. i was there out of respect to bubz, who does this ritual each and every time we go out. it never changes. and i was insane to think it would.

one guy was bolder than the other 3, and came over. you're cute, he said, and would it be okay if he went home with me. and mind you, he wasn't fugly.

but i was not in the mood for one night stands, so i just smiled back at him and said, maybe another time.

he smiled, and leaned in. when you go home, let me know, because i want to make sure you get home safely, he said.

sure, i said. and i turned around to face my inquisitors.

why'd you let him go? bubz wailed as not-fugly guy left.
i'm not here to pick up guys for one night stands, i retorted.
who said it was? it could be the start of something beautiful, bubz insisted with a vehement shake of his head.
bernz merely smiled inscrutably.
bubz rolled his eyes.
hurry up and finish those bottles and let's get out of here, i shot back at bubz.
not before you do something with not-fugly guy, bubz glared.
fine, i'll kiss him when we leave, i said, now hurry up!

and so i did kiss not-fugly guy when we left fifteen minutes later, but not before he asked for my number. i had the feeling i gave him the wrong number. i was sleepy and slightly intoxicated. i think i scared him off by kissing him impulsively. lol.

bernz insisted i was drunk. i like to say i was tipsy. bubz went off to go to another bar, being the social bar-fly that he is. as we stood in the taxi lane, i noticed 2 guys looking at bernz and me. one was sort of cute, with a ponytail. he came over, but i looked away, so he ended up talking to bernz. turns out, they were asking where a club called the host 78 was.

i've heard it was nearby but i've never been. a third guy overheard them, and joined the other 2. bernz gave instructions, and they went off and got into a taxi. being tipsy, i called bubz immediately.

i remember you wanted to go to the host and review it, i said.
yes i did, he replied.
well, it's nearby, so you wanna go?
wait for me.

so there we were, inside the place. turns out to be one of those macho dancing clubs, but without dicks showing, hard or otherwise. and the men? not really my type. a little too short, a little too trendy, and not muscular at all. the guys that had asked for directions turned out to be macho dancers called in to audition, and were done auditioning by the time we arrived.

some queens were there, obviously enjoying the show, with a few of the dancers at their table. the curvaceous floor manager sashayed over in a scandalously scarlet dress.

which ones do you fancy? she intoned in a deep voice to bubz.
bubz smiled and shook his head.
just sit there and i'll have them all go to the stage and you can pick from there, she commanded.

there were none that we fancied.

and the whole place was too... ho-hum. it wasn't exciting. it wasn't even hip. i think i saw old-fashioned ruffled curtains. a few framed artwork hung on the rough cement wall. i guess they were not allowed to paint over the wall. one of the wall hangings was a framed needlepoint of a ballerina. there was also a framed poster of mickey mouse. maybe they're some sort of metaphor to the penis? i didn't get it though.

if it were up to me, i'd have painted the whole walls black (or scarlet red), put in mirrored walls onstage, get some metallic accents and phallic decor. and no blacklights at all. get hot wait staff. and more diverse dancers. the beer was expensive. san mig light at 85?

someone should finally open a dance club here that has hot men in their underwear dancing in cages, i thought for the millionth. but would the concept be too western for us pinoys?

we stayed at the place for 30 minutes and then we left to go home.

having stumbled home at 3 in the morning, i made a half-assed attempt at sleeping soundly. but i failed and merely closed my eyes, drifting in and out of consciousness. and all too soon, i woke up at 6, with still a buzz on and my mouth tasting like a rat died inside.

all in all, the whole affair left me a little hung over, a little exhausted, and a little ambiguous.

a promise i make to thee

2009-05-14T16:52:00.000+08:00

When I'm feeling like there's no love coming to me...

And I have no love to give...

When I'm feeling separated from the world...

And cut off from myself...

When I'm feeling annoyed by every little thing...

Because I'm not getting what I want...

I'll remember that there is an infinite amount of love available to me.

And I'll see it in you.

I'll remember that I am complete within myself...

So I'll never have to look to you to complete me.

And most of all, I'll remember that everything I really need I already have, and whatever I don't have will come to me when I'm ready to receive it.

the art of gagaism

2009-05-13T07:43:00.001+08:00

"Some people didn't get it. Some people still don't get it. I read reviews sometimes and I'm like, 'Wow, that guy really doesn't fucking like me.' Like, they really don't get it, but that's cool. You've got to create some kind of stir. You've got to say something that's got to upset some people, and that's the risk-taking that makes music so fun. The real struggle is that they didn't want to play my music on the radio. We fought and we fought and I played every club. I had chicken dinner with every program director I could get my hands on. The turning point for me was the gay community. I've got so many gay fans and they're so loyal to me and they really lifted me up. They'll always stand by me and I'll always stand by them. It's not an easy thing to create a fanbase. … Being invited to play [the San Francisco Pride rally], that was a real turning point for me as an artist."

- The Lady tells MTV News about last year, 2008, before the world's current GaGa obsession

paparazzi

2009-05-10T10:57:00.004+08:00

this song has been haunting me ever since last year.

and it only took jessie's cute friend sid to jar my memory, to listen to lady gaga's album again.

and i found it! paparazzi.

much thanks, sid.

neverending story

2009-05-09T07:57:00.005+08:00

i've been starting and stopping on a story i've been trying to get out of my head. it is longtime dream of mine to have this story out in the world. it's a very mixed genre, and i guess the nearest classification and the broadest one i can think of is plain fiction. lol!

it involves a mysterious young boy who is hunted down by a secret organization. as the story unfolds, we learn that the mysterious boy is not as young as he seems, and he holds secrets that may preserve or destroy the human race, but he has lost his memories in the process of escaping from his enemies. he slowly regains some of his memories, but he is not sure if they are real or illusions. he encounters several people who might be able to help him: a beautiful socialite, a failed scientist, a dark goddess, and a shadowy assasin. oh, and yes, he's gay.

this is just the general outline, but of course there is more underneath. everyone has a reason for doing what they have to do, but the reason, or reasons that they have, doesn't have to be told. there is a lot that i've borrowed from myths and legends too, but with a twist, of course.

my dream is to have it written down, finalized.
and the ultimate dream? have it become a graphic novel.
oh. my. god.

if only i had the talent to draw like comic artists. i have already the vision of how it looks in my head. it's just pulling everything together to make it tangible.

i've tried posting it on multiply. i've posted a few entries, but that's as far as i would allow the posts to go. the next stories, i want to keep editing. omit, add, change.

so it really is a challenge to me. do i make it simpler? or make it more complex?

i would love to meet with someone who can create a rough graphic novel, with panels and everything. but first, someone who can help me with putting down my ideas into words. i would also love to meet with people with the same interests. i know b is one. i think he's already almost finished his drafts.

i keep having ideas. putting them down is another thing. lol.

it's looking like it's gonna be sequelicious. and i haven't started on the first one!

help! :-)

the name of the game

2009-05-06T06:29:00.002+08:00

few days past, i happened to see married guy with a much older guy, probably twice his age. i passed by their table accidentally, and married guy and i made a nanosecond eye contact. i sensed that he didn't want me to say hi to him, which was fine, as i was in a hurry to get to the supermarket for some groceries. beetroot juice, yum.

less than a minute, i received a text message from married guy.

"sorry, i can't talk to you while i'm with my boyfriend."

i didn't mind the people who were staring at the insane person who suddenly burst into hysterical laughter after reading the text message on his cell phone.

let me see if i get this straight-bi-gay. married guy is cheating on his wife with another man.

i wonder, does the other man know that he is being cheated on with other men?

threesome redux

2009-05-03T09:44:00.005+08:00

seeing how a threesome piqued my interest, i went back for seconds.

it was still with the married muscular guy, but this time, the third guy was a friend of his who was joining a contest in a few days. i was quite surprised to see him, as he seemed familiar to me. then i recalled having seen him before in a contest a year back.

i remember him because of his bubble butt. though shorter than me, he was very cute and very muscular. wide and hard, his body was a work of art. he shook my hand, said his name was ed. warm, hard, and rough his hands were. he smiled, and his eyes twinkled.

he suddenly stretched, allowing us to see his muscles through his worn shirt. sorry, he said sheepishly. he was tired, he had been working out the whole day. it was as good as any opening could be.

maybe you need a massage, my married friend said while looking at me.

he didn't reply. instead, he took off his clothes and got on the bed. and soon, we were on top of each other, writhing and rubbing against each other. we made a delicious bed sandwich. nay, a delicious napoleon dessert.

here we were, each so different physically. married guy was smooth, dark, and rough. ed was tanned, muscled, and cute. and me, chinoy and with more hair on my legs than they did.

suck me, ed whispered. we took turns sucking him, then each other. married guy did not lie. ed was packed too. all too soon, they mentioned that they wanted to fuck me. they looked around for condoms. without warning, the lights went out.

it's a sign not to fuck me, i blurted out.

they laughed, and we continued pleasuring each other in total darkness. married guy suddenly moaned. he was cumming, he groaned. he felt around for my face and forced me to accomodate him while he released all he had. he liked to cum in my mouth, he told me once. truth be told, i didn't expect him to cum so soon that night. maybe the darkness turned him on.

i felt someone grip me close to his chest, pulling me on top of him. it was ed. every part of him was like stone. he had been working out straight for a week to prepare, he had said earlier. i felt him poke around, looking to find the hidden hole.

i don't have condoms, i whispered loudly in the dark. i lied. i heard married guy laugh softly. he knew i wasn't so much into it.

ed sighed underneath me. i'll just jack off then, he said. i straddled his muscled body in complete darkness, taking control of my own explosion. i felt hands all over me, squeezing and rubbing. they were either ed's or married guy's. i didn't know, and i didn't care much because i was suddenly on the brink. then i toppled over, spent and exhausted, over ed.

i could feel ed still furiously pumping himself as i laid on top of him, our skin sticky with sweat and with... something else (grin).

i want to cum in your mouth, i heard him whisper. i guess they both had that fetish. i didn't reply, but instead pressed myself closer to him. he gripped me closer. we were panting, him from excitement, and i from exhaustion. suddenly the lights came back on.

married guy was beside us, looking on with a smile as he watched.

there i was, on top of his friend, our mouths beside each other's ear. ed was moaning. and then he suddenly pushed me down. i was caught off-guard, though i couldn't utter a sound as my mouth was suddenly filled with... a lot of things (lol).

many minutes later, after having sexily washed up and gotten dressed, i ended my weekend.

disturbia

2009-04-30T07:46:00.003+08:00

i've often wondered what death would look like. i've run its images through my imagination thousands of times.

haven't we all?

when i was little, i used to think death as a huge monstrous beast. dark, hairy, menacing. growling through sharp teeth, its dank breath issuing poisonous fumes as its beady red eyes glowed at me in the dark. i imagined it would hide and scurry in the shadows, afraid of the light. a creature of the dark, a hound from hell. persephone's pet. i imagined it tore the soul of the very being it was sent to kill, shredding its victim's soul to pieces before it allowed the bits to drift down into the dark earth, where it would eventually be swallowed into a pit of wailing souls.

when i was able to read, i imagined death as the familiar hooded and cloaked figure, silent and grim, and as merciless as the scythe it wielded. this time, i imagined death walked among the living, neither seen or heard, but always felt. it did not fear sun or shade, but welcomed it. i figured it saw into every person it met, and it waited for a visit until the person was deemed to die.

as an adult, i began to think of death not as an enemy, but a partner of life. it was not merciless, but only performed a function that we all needed to go through. be it a death of a relationship, a pet, or even a flower. death is not grim. it is not a monster. death shakes our comfortable lives and allows us to remember that we must live as if we were about to die.

suddenly, i rethought all i knew about death yesterday. passing by a funeral procession, i strangely associated death as a woman. as a woman, death could be very heartbreakingly seductive and alluring. she could also be beautifully clothed in scorn and fury. yet she could also be merciful and excruciatingly kind as she tells brutal truths and menacing lies. doing all this while wearing 4-inch heels or fashionable flats.

she breathed life to her children,
for sisterhood among the brethren.
smooth and supple, her old skin could be.
aged and wise, her blind eyes will see.
her cold lips, luscious and red,
warmly speak of nothing but our death.

so, why not death as a woman?

eat me

2009-04-27T09:19:00.004+08:00

at the top of my head...

i love dark chocolate. the bittersweet kind. i've always loved them, back when everyone wanted the light brown sweet milk chocolate. dark chocolate for me all the way.

i love coconut oil, either way it's extracted. some may wrinkle their noses at its strong smell, but for me the earthy scent is very seductive. specially when it's used for massages. (grin) actually it is quite good for massages, even if it doesn't have a happy ending. while i was in manila for several months and several years ago, i remember having my massages using carica cold-pressed coconut oil, and my then suki masseusse commented that the oil i was using smelled too strong. i didn't care, because it wasn't greasy, and i ended up with really moisturized skin. so, ha! take that, joy.

i love brewed coffee, the local ones. somehow, there's nothing better than having home-brewed local barako coffee in the morning. i'm currently enjoying cafe de lipa, which i love because of its smooth taste. i have one other favorite local coffee, except that i forgot the name. but it's not really hard to find it, as it's often in stock in local groceries. all filipino, all good.

i just realized that i also love cooking. but i don't like so much to eat what i've cooked. strange. and i've got tons of recipes in my head which i've to translate into words. i think i'll write down some of them later on. at least if i forget them, i'll have my blog for reference. they're quite eclectic, some very continental, some very asian, and some just fusion.

i think i would've made a good chef.

you learn

2009-04-23T09:35:00.001+08:00

recurring experience has one aim: to teach you what you do not want to learn.

choices

2009-04-22T08:08:00.006+08:00

it's always up to you on how you're going to run your life.

run it for good, or ruin it that bad - yes, people will care and try to shift you back to the right track.

but at the end of the day, it's still your choice that matters.

choose what you love, and then love your choice.

bittersweet symphony

2009-04-21T08:17:00.002+08:00

the most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you - it is when you don't understand yourself.

seussism

2009-04-19T10:20:00.003+08:00

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Dr. Seuss

to be or not to be

2009-04-17T08:48:00.004+08:00

Love is the answer, but while waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Woody Allen

prayer for serenity

2009-04-16T08:30:00.003+08:00

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

the law of unattachment

2009-04-15T08:16:00.003+08:00

don't cling to anything that needs to go.

everything in this world is not permanent.

you just have to love it while you have it.

reflections

2009-04-14T08:05:00.003+08:00

As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape - with any degree of success - is the person in the mirror.

Kerry Patterson

the three enemies of personal peace

2009-04-13T08:36:00.003+08:00

regret over yesterday's mistakes

inattention over today's blessings

anxiety over tomorrow's problems

gold digger

2009-04-07T07:43:00.003+08:00

we know the type. usually belonging to the lower strata of society, whose favorite past time is bettering themselves by leeching onto decrepit old men who can provide them with fake louis vuitton purses.

but i'm not talking about whores in the strictest sense of the word, who simply spread their legs once they receive cash.

i'm talking about the new breed of bitches, who study english or nihonggo and caregiving in the hopes of meeting that foreigner gullible enough to sully their hands with such vermin.

profile:

age: teens to early 30's

physical features: usually dark skinned to attract caucasian (and some asian) men, although there are rare cases of heavily bleached skin ones, with long rebonded hair which they toss in the air to appear seductive to their victims

tell-tale signs: fashion victim, or more appropriately, fashion roadkill usually sporting garish make-up and imitation designer bags to go with their version of the latest trends

where to find them: online chats, the french baker (sm city cebu)

usual story: poor provincial lass in the harsh city making a living to support her large family depending on her, looking to find someone she can exploi - oops, i meant love, who can support her dreams of a better life.

usual outcome: she lives with and marries the foreigner, supporting her extended family, but eventually gets dropped by the foreigner when he discovers she has been keeping and supporting a not-so-rich but virile male lover, who can satisfy her sexually, on the side who eventually lives with her in squallor and shame.

i spotted the latest specie yesterday, and i wonder what her problem is with me. she seemed to want to attract my attention by constantly going out of her way to irritate me.

either she likes me or envies me. fortunately, i don't care for her that much. it just amazed me that i seemed to bring out the claws of insecure women everywhere without doing anything much at all.

one thing i realized though. in a world where women think they rule, these rabid gold diggers ought to be rounded up and put to sleep forever by their own genders.

let the hunt begin.

three's a company

2009-03-05T14:44:00.004+08:00

no, it's not about the 70's sitcom.

no. for someone who seemingly is jaded (to myself anyway) about sexual exploits, i haven't been very adventurous when it comes to group encounters.

so. i finally tried the much-hyped threesome, with one bisexual married man and his bi-curious straight friend, both in fantastic shape. and when i say fantastic, i mean my dream body type - bodybuilder muscular.

yes. it should have been orgasmic fantasy, coming out of a porn scene.

and. i learned 3 things from my threesome.

1. i have a misconception about dick sizes. it turns out that my impression of an average dick size is most peoples' large. so i guess i have been pretty lucky so far. (grin)

2. first time bi-curious men aren't the best partners in a threesome.

3. i sort of liked it.

gotta be somebody

2009-02-14T12:02:00.001+08:00

anderson cooper

2009-02-14T10:11:00.005+08:00

that hair, those eyes.

that nose, those lips.

that wit, that smile.

won't you be mine?

viva la vida

2009-02-10T17:15:00.002+08:00

shall we dance?

2009-02-10T11:53:00.006+08:00

my suki masseur-crush has finally taken the extra service route.

strangely, it sort of saddened me.

true, i did want him, but not that way. not paid anyway. haha!

if i did go for the extra service, would it mean that future massages would always have that tone?

would the quality of his massages suffer because he would then rush to the happy ending?

i do so enjoy his massages very much, although they haven't been necessarily totally wholesome and innocent. if i went that route, would everything change thereafter? (of course it would.)

"i'll do it only if we were both naked, and not in this place." i dared him with a grin.

he took it in stride. i did notice him take a pause while he continued to massage my chest, as if taking deep considerations about it.

"why not now?" he whispered, gently stroking the base of my semi-hard cock, his large fingers ocassionally grazed between my legs, tentatively (and unsuccessfully) trying to find the rabbit's hole that went into the wonderland.

i searched for an answer, and several ran through my mind. one, i can be really noisy when aroused, and easily aroused by my partner's noises. two, the place is not conducive to make such noises, even though i see the thrill of the whole situation. three, i want you, but not in a quickie hand job kind of way. i want to have you, to taste your lips, your body, your sweat. leisurely, wantonly, frantically.

finally, i smiled silently in reply. he smiled back in the dim light.

we finished the massage without the happy ending, just hopefully, a happy beginning.

dirty little secrets

2009-02-04T13:34:00.002+08:00

i thought this would make a fabulous entry. everyone has at least one dirty little secret. sometimes they're big, sometimes they're irrelevant. but mostly, they're insights into our inner selves when we think no one is watching us.

the following are dirty little secrets - some of which are mine, and some of which are not!

- i secretly cut off a part of a girl's hair with a pair of school scissors while riding a jeepney because her hair kept flying in my face
- i like to pick my nose
- i sometimes like to pay for sex
- i terrorized three kittens as a child, and when one died from fright, i laughed really hard when rigor mortis set in
- i sometimes wish i had a vagina
- i peed in a perfume bottle that belonged to someone i did not like
- i faked orgasms just to get it over with, and i'm not a woman
- i spat in someone's tea just to get even with them
- i find it difficult to cum when having sex
- i cheated on a few questions during an entrance exam to a prestigious school, and it may have caused me to get accepted
- i kept my father's smelly underwear to sniff on
- i made up a story that i submitted as a true story, and it became famous in school because my religious education teacher read it to all classes
- i have performance anxiety in bed
- i pooped in my pants while walking in a mall

there you have it! compiled and written down. dirty little secrets.

what are yours?

goodbye, heartbreak

2009-01-13T12:03:00.006+08:00

i've noticed something about me this year.
i've started to mellow. perhaps like some wine, i get better with age?

i hope so. but in a way, i hope not, too. lol!

been away for a while. i've had a crazy year, despite not working. and when i say crazy, i mean bad-crazy.

good things have happened, and even more shiteous things have come up. but, at least i'm starting to be on the mend. in my wildly deluded optimistic mind, i think i am.

i've also had interesting... near-encounters with men. i've had funny and provoking proposals thrown my way. one, an invitation to be a paid escort. another, to be in a threesome. and the usual can-we-have-sex with guys i'm not attracted to. and some girls. am i not that gay yet?

i've also noticed that i've been receiving more signs from the universe. it has enforced my belief that i am walking on the right trail, however hard it may be. it reminds me of the story from a much-loved book of mine, the alchemist. in it, a boy dreams of finding riches and treasures beyond his wildest imagination, and he is determined to make his dream come true. it eventually happens, but not the the usual storyline. during his search for his treasure, he encounters allies, foes, and insights he would not have known if he had stayed at home and forgot about his dream.

and i am that boy, seemingly lost, yet found. confused but determined, knowing and naive, open though vulnerable. and it is with this spirit of new-ness that i've decided to live as though i am a child again. to view each day with wondrous eyes. to remember that yesterday has given me joy and knowledge. to trust in myself. to forgive myself. to love myself.

perhaps one day i shall write about it. but i feel now is not the right time. it is enough that i acknowledge it. for now.

lucky

2009-01-13T11:09:00.000+08:00

losing my grace

2008-12-28T07:47:00.001+08:00

i'm still a bum.
sure, i could easily finagle a job entertaining irate callers at night. i just choose not to.
i applaud call center agents, even though some of them can be irritating.
or maybe i'm just jealous. hehe!

perhaps also that i feel a little more letdown, more than the past few months. you see, i've been dreading december. because this december meant something big: my best friend getting married.

it was a rite of passage that marked adulthood and an apocalyptic ending to happiness. well, to me anyway. i was happy for her, sad for us. it would never be the same. i hugged her, but i didn't cry. i let her go.

and i hated weddings ever since i was conscious to know what a wedding was. it always seemed so staged, so pretentious to me. and i was often one of those in the procession of the entourage. i nervously waited each time for someone to discover my guise and exclaim "faker!"

i often skipped weddings and wedding receptions of friends. i know, that sounds terribly rude. but it was just depressing to find that with every year, your friends become one of those couples who cannot function without their mate by their side.

you've seen those. wives possessively holding on to their man, shooting daggers with their eyes, and teeth bared in a strange grimacing expression of warning and supposed love to the audience. oh, sorry. i meant, to their friends. husbands, once hot guys, drinking beer, reminiscing bachelor days, their bellies as round as a pregnant woman's, leading one to wonder if it is possible for human men to be like male seahorses.

however we try to sugarcoat it, there will always be that line between the marrieds and the unmarrieds. couples end up flocking together, like noah's ark of twittering twosomes. i envy them. i want to twitter too, even though it might be for a few times.

inevitably, i end up being the unmarried person in our circle, subject to so-when-are-you-getting-married style of questions. perhaps they don't get it yet.

and i end up saying "i don't believe in marriages." to a table of married friends. whoops!

i love my married friends, i really do, but i think they've become cult members of the married market. they can't be as free as before, going out for a little bite and a few drinks later. no. they have their husbands and wives and children to think of now.

i brought my lesbian friend to the wedding reception. and for the night, we were supposedly straight to those who didn't know.

the wedding was beautiful, and the reception was even more so. even i, jaded and cynical of such gestures, found it really fabulous and touching and wonderful. so i guess there might be hope for me yet!

i hugged my best friend, her family and relatives, and finally shook the hand of her husband before my date and i left the reception.

in one day, with one rite, with one kiss, i had lost her to him.

so i did what any guy who lost a girl would do: swallowed and guzzled too many drinks at a bar with a lesbian friend, laughing and babbling incoherently as the night drew to a close.

er, well, maybe it's just me.

i think we're alone now

2008-12-26T14:53:00.007+08:00

angel

2008-12-18T08:23:00.004+08:00

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug , and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

supermodel

2008-12-10T07:22:00.005+08:00

one gorgeous sunny day, on my way to get some groceries, i nonchalantly worked the street like i was on a jil sander runway, with madonna on my mind.

quite a number of people stared at me.

some smiled at me.

a girl shouted in surprise.

pleased but nonplussed, i continued striding.

the shouting girl eventually caught up with me, panting with exertion.

i stopped as she tapped me on the shoulder.

i turned and asked her, "yes?"

"i just wanted to tell you, you've got a huge rip on your pants that runs from your butt to your thighs."

soon we'll be found

2008-12-01T12:38:00.003+08:00

Sia Soon We'll Be Found - A funny movie is a click away

relax + say it right (mash up mix)

2008-12-01T12:17:00.002+08:00

or here for the audio.

amazing

2008-12-01T12:11:00.001+08:00

vogue

2008-12-01T12:10:00.001+08:00

i've been loving you too long

2008-12-01T12:00:00.000+08:00

anata ni aitakute

2008-12-01T11:59:00.000+08:00

walk on by

2008-12-01T11:58:00.001+08:00

wake up

2008-12-01T11:57:00.001+08:00

a change is gonna come

2008-12-01T11:50:00.000+08:00

closer

2008-12-01T11:41:00.001+08:00

hot + cold

2008-12-01T11:36:00.001+08:00

rehab

2008-12-01T11:30:00.001+08:00

take a bow

2008-11-26T08:16:00.005+08:00

i finally understand what got me so riled up.

it seemed to me that the person who replied (a touch cuntily to my comment by broaching on internet filtering / policing, and that my blog has too many pictures of gorgeous nude men, thereby inducing minors to become horny, resulting in them seducing "innocent" adult gay men), was in essence saying that the adults get a free pass, all because the minor was the seducer.

again, wtf???

is he saying that it was all the minor's fault for provoking the adult to lustful actions?

therefore, the blame is on the minor, and not on the adult?

holy crap.

this is the kind of thinking that gets me.

as adults, we are responsible for our own actions.
we should know what to do.
shouldn't we?

never mind that the minor was the one who made the first move.

the adult shouldn't encourage it.
nor should the adult make the first move, or any succeeding moves.
at all.

what if it were to happen to their children? to their relations' children? to friends' children?
would they sing a different tune?

we know what's wrong and what's right, and given that we lean towards the good, we should firmly discourage sexual invitations from minors.

are we that weak, that cowardly, that irresponsible to blame others for our actions or reactions???

if one ends up blaming the minors as the instigators, and they the adults as the victims, who has the more responsibility to know what is right and wrong?

who becomes the adult?

my god.

and i think it was just less than five who protested it.
the rest seemed agreeable.
i was disappointed, horribly so.

i think it's time to start thinking of leaving that group and its strange sense of morals.

first, it was the group owner who cried "stop your faggotty ways!", and now this seemingly indifference towards adults having sex with minors.

viva la loca.

why

2008-11-25T12:27:00.007+08:00

why is it, that once girls, gay men, and fag hags know of your sexual orientation, they immediately think you can speak various versions of swardspeak? (i can't and i don't)

why is it, that once men know of your sexual orientation, they immediately think you are attracted to them, no matter how unattractive they are (to me, anyway - hehe)? i actually have a theory on this one.

why is it, that once people know of your sexual orientation, they immediately think you must be attracted to young or teenage boys? (so far, i'm not)

why is it, that once people know of your sexual orientation, they immediately ask why you're not very girly? (because like the rainbow, gay men come in an assortment of colors)

just some thoughts that occurred to me while reading reactions to a post i made about gay men having sex with hardly legal-aged seducers.

i quickly determined that my sudden and violent reaction to the nonchalance of this event was due to my idea of a utopian society. which means i live in a dreamworld.

i will not be a hypocrite and say that the thought hasn't crossed my mind when i was a teen. in high school, i did imagine myself kissing someone older, a 15-year old boy. i was 14. hehe. that was probably the extent of it. i guess i lived a sheltered life in terms of sex. i still do.

and i will admit i have daddy-son fantasies. and i'm always the son. how vain of me. (lol)

and it's a good thing i don't like children very much. it serves a purpose that is twofold: one, that i have less chances of being sexually attracted to one, and that two, i wouldn't have to worry about having a child in the future that might indulge in sexual encounters (with adults or peers) without being equipped emotionally and psychologically.

although if it is indeed true, that most youngsters today are experimenting with sex at an early age, what would that entail, in terms of moral and legal parameters? or in emotional and psychological definitions? would the laws change? would society change?

are children today much more matured than their previous generations? i don't think i would be as much disturbed if todays teens are sexually active with their peers, and not their peers' parents.

true, sex is messy. but it's messier when one belongs to a (gay) society that has already been marginalized, categorized, and ostracized by the majority. ized, ized, baby.

gay adult men having sex with legal minors.

i think i was the one of the few who protested that this is just wrong.

gay adult men having sex with legal minors.

i kind of think it takes the civil rights and gay recognition movement back a step or two.

kind of like electing a black president into office, just to have an equal-rights proposition overturned in the span of a few hours.

but who among those i communicated with, would care?

as perezhilton would say... WTF?

when we deny ourselves

2008-11-11T13:39:00.003+08:00

i admit it. there are some times when i am not my biggest fan.

some moments that shame me are those when i am reminded of my lack of courage. courage to fight for myself, courage to fight for others, and courage to just be.

so it is with a little bit, a wee bit, of courage that i write this.

i do not know why many discriminate amongst ourselves. i include myself in this category, though i prefer to think i am not the most homophobic gay man out there.

"yuck, ka bayot niya! (yuck, how gay of him!)" - from a 'discreet' man who has sex with other men.

i smell a hint of self-loathing with a base of delusion and a whiff of self-importance in this common street fragrance.

perhaps when one is drowned in this stench, it becomes like perfume.

spay it. don't spray it, sister.

cause i think i still have that stink on me.

the cutest thing ever

2008-11-11T12:47:00.001+08:00

on a typical saturday morning

2008-11-08T11:14:00.006+08:00

i just discovered i like watercolors.

i made several sketches today (since i was bored and a little creative at the same time), and it seems i'm more suited to watercolors than colored pencils.

this means if ever i plan to add colors, i'm going to use watercolors. i've tried pastels, and it's a no. oil is a bit expensive for me.

and i'm terribly frightened of using cracked photoshop/coreldraw installers to create artwork. luck doesn't seem to be on my side for these things, as they tend to end up destroying my pc. now, sharewares are a different story. i love them, and they love me back.

so i'ts manual for me, for now.

i posted the first part of the story, which i hope is intriguing at the start.

there are two versions of the drawing, both in mixed media of ink and colored pencil. the difference is that the second one has watercolor over the ink and colored pencil.

but probably, i'm most kilig by this one, which i also made today.

black in white

2008-11-05T18:31:00.002+08:00

obama: a new hope.

when models talk

2008-11-03T11:50:00.004+08:00

while perusing the quite limited channels of interest on cable tv, i chanced upon a "real" local show with a model as a host.

truth be told, she was rather pretty and delightful, if one turned off the volume.

perhaps the head honchos thought that just having a pretty face is enough to host a tv show.

no.

one needs charm and tact, and definitely a more tolerable voice.

but wait, maybe it's not entirely the girl model's fault. the editors also have to be blamed for letting the show come out like that.

i could tell she was trying to be witty, charming, and informative. i think she's been trying for over a year without success. or maybe she really is all that. but it just didn't come across as such.

the funny thing about this local channel is that they are trying to promote a hip style. but their style is a little lacking. maybe it has to do with their vision of what exactly is hip.

i've seen other good segments before while flipping through the channels, but oh my. overall it's a little sad.

and if what i heard about the late salary payments is true, i can't blame the employees either if they turned out lackluster products due to ill feelings.

i was happy to know one thing: i could switch the channel.

which i did after a minute of her inane chattering with a human resource personnel from a call center company.

i love remote controls.

a rose by any other name

2008-10-30T17:13:00.003+08:00

i've always known i was a little bit pickier than most people i know.

which is not always necessarily a bad thing.

some call it eccentricity, some call it flaky, some prefer the term obsessive compulsive (oc).

i just realized something. a breakthrough, perhaps.

an opinion from a reader got me thinking. perhaps i should've answered yes. yes to my married crush.

but i don't know if it was said in jest, as we often joke around with each other. and i've always thought married men would make horrible choices as boyfriends. or perhaps i am spoiled to the point that i've made up a romanticized list that makes up an ideal relationship.

i know relationships can be messy. tedious. difficult. and time consuming. but that's human.

so while i am ticking off checklists for the ideal, i may be missing out on having an actual relationship. aha. this is the breakthrough.

i read kasper's blog, and i admire him for having the courage to do what i would not: to pursue a relationship, regardless of the complications it presents.

i don't think i could ever do what he does. he hangs out with his bf's girlfriend. in his shoes, perhaps i would've immediately gone temporarily insane from insecurity and jealousy. sleeping over with the two of them? unthinkable for me. i am not that strong.

which is a funny thing, because like kasper's man, my married crush is also a massage therapist. is this an epidemic i notice? gay men falling in love with (straight/gay/bi) masahistas. it reeks of a tagalog digiqueer film.

another thing which i find hard to do is the secrecy factor. i don't think i have the guts to stay hidden for so long. i think i would have wanted to shout out to the world that the guy is my boyfriend, and i wouldn't have cared less what others thought.

strength is not always about being brave. it can also mean surviving for something worthy.

what should i have said?

2008-10-27T14:54:00.005+08:00

"kita, kanus-a man sad ta ma-uyab?"

- as asked by a certain married crush.

supergirl gone bad

2008-10-20T14:50:00.003+08:00

this brings out the pervert (and the lols) in me.

i love fan fiction art specially when it's erotic.

click here to view the webcomic.

two of a kind

2008-10-18T08:13:00.003+08:00

my best friend was doing the 16k run when she spotted a guy at a corner bar near sunflower city. she heard someone call her by her full name, and when she turned, she saw me. so she waved and smiled, and i smiled back.

this was according to her when she called me to confirm.

apparently, i have a doppelganger.

i think this is the first time a close friend has told me about my 'twin'. although i have heard from various people that they have already met me somewhere, i usually do not recall meeting them until that time. i've always been in the impression that i have one of those common faces, so people tend to believe we've met before when we haven't.

i would like to meet this guy. to see how alike, or not, we are. if it weren't for my best friend being so staunchly sure that he did look like me, i wouldn't have been curious.

but according to her, we do look alike. same build, same shaved head, same skin color, same thick eyebrows.

maybe one of these days we would meet.

that should be interesting, to say the least.

but wait. isn't meeting a doppelganger risky?

like a virgin

2008-10-15T07:22:00.006+08:00

i downloaded the first ever onscreen gay fuck by zeb atlas and adam killian.

and it's so fucking hot.

maybe because the scene is (almost) one of my fantasies come to life.
almost, because in my fantasy, it'd be zeb and me in the shower. (lol)

oh, zeb. should i reconsider writing you in?

again, what's in a name?

2008-10-13T16:24:00.010+08:00

this is what my real name supposedly says about me as a person:

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

this is what trey supposedly is as a person:

and this is how i think i am:

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

whatchu think?

friday i'm in love

2008-10-13T07:59:00.005+08:00

well, not really in love. but it was pretty much how i felt the whole day.

first, it was my last visit to the dentist for sometime. finally, my tooth is now well. yes! at last i can eat normally. well. not really. less crunchy food to avoid my tooth breaking. (lol)

then, i met up with a former crush. i'm so over him now, but was i pathetic when i was so into him. and i ended up spending two hours with him in sm, browsing for shoes for a wedding he was attending. i almost asked him if it were he who was getting married, but he beat me to it. it's for his, uh, i don't remember. sister? brother?

ay. but i ended having fun talking and laughing with him, although there was one trait that showed up that really turned me off. he was way too critical of others, specially in how they looked and what they wore. i mean, i admit i'm guilty of that sometimes, although i try to curb the temptation. what matters more to me is how you look without clothes anyway. (lol)

then i bumped into an ex-officemate, then after she left sm i met jessie, and then i met up with my beautiful lesbian girl friend, and together we bumped into an old high school friend of ours.

my head was buzzing by the time i got home.

atlas, the best man to have shower sex with

2008-10-10T07:50:00.008+08:00

other things first.

i am totally entranced, enchanted, and enraptured by neil gaiman's the sandamn: the dream hunters. the story is so beautifully written, and i love, love, love the lavish illustrations by yoshitaka amano. i really have to get out there and read more books. i think i shall look for the once and future king.

the funniest thing happened the other day when i went to eloy for a card reading. his first read was that i was doing a project that involved writing, or involving books. i laughed out loud at that. and it was kinda creepy at how he guessed it.

now, to lead to my main post.

i'm up to page 43 now. i think i enjoy writing more about my character's past than his present, but i am also excited about his present as he will be meeting porn stars. lol!

yes, porn stars. i was thinking of creating a character based on zeb, but then i realized no. not zeb. probably in a non-sexual role mirroring his disappointing performance in real life. i'd have to think of others. zeb would have been my third porn star. lol!

why no to zeb? for one thing, he is too controversial now. he's been linked to allegations of giardia, gay for pay, and being totally a money-grabbing whore.

i recently read some updates about his first gay sex (thanks for tipping me off, gin.) and i have to say, i am extremely disappointed.

i hate that he didn't honor his agreement with matthew rush and falcon, and instead had his 'initial' onscreen blowjob with rich old queen jake cruise. horribly disappointing. because one was beautiful, the other wasn't. i was given a link to view it. i watched it with morbid fascination, the way one would watch a horrific car crash. obviously, zeb was offered much much more by jake cruise, and the video was released way earlier than falcon's.

and when he did do the blowjob scene with matthew, he allegedly passed on giardiasis to matthew. ick.

the gay for pay thing is not such a factor, but i've got to admit, my admiration of the guy as a person has lessened.

i might get the video of his first gay sex with adam killian, a production assistant who has also been featured in playgirl, and no longer with matthew rush (who backed off because of giardiasis allegedly from rimming zeb's butt), but i guess i would now be more turned on by zeb's body rather than zeb as a person.

zeb, get a new manager!

a change will do you good

2008-10-05T19:27:00.007+08:00

various thoughts running through my head for the moment.

reading and watching sexy sarah palin in action just makes my head ache. i'm sure she's probably nice and all, but way too unqualified to be veep to mccain. let's face it, mccain obviously drafted her to hook in the clinton votes, and the women voters. watching her fumble during her onscreen interviews was just excruciating, and i guess voters really do get what they elect to office. the way she answered questions. boy. did she get picked only for her gender and age. and i think she knows that, deep inside.

when asked by katie couric if she had any favorite newspapers, sexy sarah answers, oh i read them all. and when pressed for a certain newspaper, she couldn't answer, and then she rambles on and on about alaska. sweetie, we get it. you're from alaska and proud of it. so proud that you wanted to build a bridge to nowhere. we know you're proud you're a soccer mom. we love soccer moms. unfortunately, that's not the only qualification you need to run for office. i think tina fey would do a better job than sexy sarah any time.

dear sexy sarah, you need a good grasp of world affairs. and if you're not sure of certain things, it's better to shut up than to trip up. because tripping up really highlights your ignorance. which is not a bad thing. ignorance can always be cured by knowledge. stupidity is another thing.

and let's not dwell on local politics. we can go on and on about how stupidity elected popular but unfit people into positions of power.

that's why i'm going to dwell on good things. like how i finally made the a sketch of my "demonic" race. who doesn't look demonic at all. angelic in fact. if demons were to tempt humans, why would they tempt us with scary looking faces? let's face it. desire motivates us more than fear.

or how i finally edited the pages i've made so far. with so many huge edits. scenes erased and changed. scenes added. thinking of names. it's just crazy. but fun.

another sunday evening. i wonder how b is doing. i haven't chatted with him for the longest time.

i need to shake up my life.

i think i shall go to eloy this week for some card reading.

i wonder how it will go.

and then ngohiong right after!

more, more, more

2008-10-02T19:53:00.006+08:00

i just came from a wedding reception. well, it was a more intimate reception than the usual.

the wedding was at 7:30 in the morning. formal reception at lunch. then a more informal reception at dinner.

then the inevitable question came. when are you getting married and having kids?

precisely why i avoid weddings.

for one thing, i don't like children. and yes, i'm still single. and no, i want a husband, not a wife.

the past few days have been serendipitous. while enriching the back story of my humanoid demon character, i came upon a greek god's tale that echoed his story. so i am going to use the greek god angle. and lord knows i love greek myths. i'm surprised i didn't think of it sooner.

i'm up to page 33. i'm not so happy with the way the story has been unfolding, and i think i shall be editing the next few days.

two girls, a guy, and a coffee shop

2008-09-26T20:48:00.003+08:00

i happened to meet two girl friends within 24 hours.

one was a friend from high school who married an ex-officemate of mine, without me knowing about it until a chance conversation. she was conditioned to see life negatively, and it just pains me to see her so down on herself.

we happened to talk about relationships, and she proposed that perhaps i was commitment phobic.

and perhaps it is true. i am afraid of falling.

i told this to my bestest friend. we had a grand old time catching up, dissecting ourselves and dreaming of travails and travels.

ah. lovely walks in paris, lunch in greece, and tea in london.

then our phones rang and we got back to our real world.

wandering thoughts

2008-09-15T14:04:00.009+08:00

pregnant women freak me out. i always think they're about to give birth in front me, and i have to help them give birth.

the fact that i actually know the words to some sappy tagalog love songs (bakit nga ba mahal kita, kahit di pinapansin ang damdamin ko, di mo man ako mahal, eto parin ako nagmamahal nang tapat sa yo?) has me totally rolling on the floor laughing...

irritations:

women with their long hair free who sit beside me in jeepneys or stand near me, tossing their stiff rebonded manes like they're starring in shampoo commercials. in reality, they look more like insecure aswangs in the daylight. i wish i always brought a pair of scissors with me. all the time.

fat women who think they're not fat and squeeze in with you. don't you find that a little claustrophobic?

or trannies who brush up against you. it's not that i don't like trannies. i just don't like people i'm not attracted to, to be touching me. i end up dusting myself involuntarily. it's a mental thing. i might need a shrink.

copycats. from the most obvious pinoy movies/telenovelas (think: desperadas) to the remakers of hit sappy love songs (think: crazy for you/especially for you/love moves in mysterious ways). though i get it. remakes can be hot. just don't overdo it. fyi... loving darren haye's cover of madonna's dress you up in my love.

salespeople who tell me this celebrity wears this item and uses this product. say those magic words, and you'll have lost me. good bye.

women who think they deserve special service just because they exist as women. listen. you wanted equal rights. you can't have it both ways. you can't wear pants and expect people to treat you as if you were wearing gowns. of course, i can be a gentleman to ladies i like. just not to delusional ragdolls with diva attitudes. i can be one too, you know. (LOL)

i just thought of this. late, flaky, disrespectful narcissists.

disappointments:

the series moonlight. i hate it. the story is so scattered, the dialogue is so predictable, and the characters are so boring. i sooo regret buying it.

inspirations:

the beach. forests. animals. nature.

simplicity. ostentatiousness. luxury. opposites. yin and yang.

color. texture. smell. taste. music.

friends. creativity. humor. optimism.

fruits.

the occult. magic. spirituality.

food. food shows.

good furniture. design shows. appliances.

love/hate them:

clothing trends. however baduy they can be. some can be darling (skinny jeans). some are just plain crazy (bomber jackets in the philippines?).

fried food. chicken. ngohiong. bulaklak.

gadgets. i love the mac air. though sometimes i wish i weren't so techy. it can be hard and expensive to keep up.

nail biting - well, not really

2008-09-10T09:04:00.002+08:00

i finished a draft of the story. yes! draft, because i constantly add, delete, and change the words.

i have decided to send the draft to several people in the hopes that they can provide valuable insights and critiques. i've already made up my mind that my writing is a little too flowery and too melodramatic. i guess i'll have to wait if others think so too. (lol)

i've already one big critique. tony from guam, who said that the names are too western. and asked if there would be any pinoys. yes. i'm going to make it a benetton world. doncha worry your pretty lil head about it.

b mentioned that it might be too graphic. it's meant to be. it's for adults. it's got words like cock, fuck, shit, and all the cusses we're probably used to. and of course, the sex is going to be there most of the time. it's going to cause discomfort to many, and maybe pleasure to some.

b's going to make his work a bit more family-friendly. i envy him. and i think his work's going to be funny too.

i've already mentioned how i am concerned that my work might be accused as plagiarized work, or become a plagiarized work. so for now, i don't think i'll be posting anything other than the occasional mention of ideas or names. besides, i don't think it would get that big an audience. and there must be dozens of other writers who are more talented than me. i'd just like to err on the side of caution.

i've already been inspired by several experiences, which i've yet to put down. i've discussed them with some people and so far they've found it amusing. which is what i need, since humor is not really injected too much (if at all) in what i've finished so far.

one problem i'm struggling with is how to get the lead out of the country and into the city. the transition story. that'll have to wait for inspiration to strike. then to the city he cometh!

the good thing about writing this story is that i'm more conscious of words. and how to arrange them as best as i can. i've even begun to put apostrophes (which i spell-checked and came out correct) in my sentences. now if only i'm not lazy enough to do upper cases in proper nouns and at the beginning of sentences.

yes. i was a spelling bee wannabe.

this story (and its consquent success, or most likely, the lack of it) is probably a dream, maybe a pipe dream. but at least i've done something about it. at least i won't sing the coulda-woulda-shoulda song.

yes, you!

2008-09-10T08:56:00.002+08:00

i've always been in the belief that people usually show themselves not in their words, but by their actions. or lack of it.

commitment, or lack of it. if you can commit to something small, you can probably commit to the important stuff.

imagine this: you tell someone you'll meet them at so-and-so at this time, and you don't do it.

then, failing to realize that you were past the designated time, you send a reply to a barrage of where-are-you's.

you reply with "i'm watching excorcist on dvd, i'm not dressed yet."

when the other party is intentionally ignores you after you show up almost two hours later, you send your arsenal of calls and text messages. both styles ignored.

"where are you?" "sorry na." and you send it repeatedly, hoping to force that person to realize that you were being gracious by apologizing and forcing him to accept your "cute" way of doing so.

you write it, hoping that he thinks it's sincere.

you write it this way, sending him the subconscious message that everything was his fault, and you are the innocent victim.

what does it say about you? if you failed to respect a person's time and effort, wouldn't that make you disrespectful?

and you wonder why people don't really care for you much, if at all.

your stock has plummeted so much, it has to be mined. it barely made the stock market in the first place.

and yet, you still wonder why people avoid you.

let the madness begin!

2008-09-05T08:15:00.010+08:00

i've started on something i've always wanted to do: write a story.

since the sixth grade, i've harbored a secret wish to write a book. in my mind, the story would blur the lines between reality and fantasy, thrown in with a good dose of my wishful desires, a dash of humor, and a wee bit of angst. some characters would be based on real life, and some would be fictional.

and of course, the main character would be based on me. it's so obviously a self-promoting story. (lol)

that wish laid dormant for years. until an exchange of ym's with b, who i discovered, also shared the same passion for fantasy works and graphic novels. the conversation triggered the longing, and we both agreed to share our ongoing works with each other via blogs.

that was about two weeks ago. from a simple story, it has evolved, in my mind, to be a complex one. i've already made up my mind who the character will look like, what he will experience, and all that. except it's come out longer than i expected.

the character is the result of a union between mortal and demon centuries ago, who has abilities he has yet to waken and understand. he is seemingly immortal, and has to find out and deal with his current situation.

i've already begun a draft of the first few chapters. i've also included a creation angle as an afterthought. hm. the wordings are a little dry. i guess i should try to use a few big words, like undulate (used) and enunciate (not yet, but will it ever be?).

i don't even have a good character name! i know it should be a simple name, yet strong and classic. i've decided on the name chase. pryce is a good contender.

i've also made some research on various studies on demonology and myths, which would be loosely used as basis for characters, settings, and beliefs.

i did post the creation story on multiply, though.

b's plan would be to form a group who would critique each other's works and provide assistance and guidance. i'm a little skeptic. but whatever. as long as it isn't accused as a plagiarized story, and won't be plagiarized, i'll be happy.

dexter's lab 3

2008-08-21T14:47:00.003+08:00

we were almost inseparable at work, dexter and i.
i was thrilled whenever i teased him by touching him inappropriately.
his stubbled jawline, his broad chest, and his bubble butt were not immune to my inquisitive hands.

i wrestled with the idea of kissing him.
the angel in me won out easily.

i was young. i had experienced the joy of just recently.
i wasn't ready to have an office affair.
i wasn't ready to have it with a married man.
i wasn't emotionally ready.

i was afraid.

and so nothing happened.

fast forward to present year.

i am enjoying an overrated and overpriced frozen coffee drink, with friends.
bubz got me reminiscing as he brought up the topic of the one who got away.
of seemingly straight men who are curious.

i was reminded of dexter.

i told b about dexter in a spate of innane chatter revolving around relationships.

what would i have done differently?
would i have gone for it?
did i regret not acting on it?

i would like to say i regret it.
but knowing me then, i don't really regret it.
the affair would've been messy. or at least it would've messed me up.
and i wouldn't have liked it.

i do regret not pursuing him the moment i left the company though.

i did try to look for him though. old colleagues, the phone directory, even online.

a chance search on friendster produced a result.

upon closer look, it was obvious it was his wife who made his profile.

i learned that dexter was in dubai, due to arrive this yearend.

and to answer b's question, yes, i would go for it this time.

dexter's lab 2

2008-08-15T13:42:00.004+08:00

over the next few weeks, dexter and i had gotten along well.

so well, in fact, that even officemates had begun commenting on it among themselves and to me.

"i've never seen him like this before."
"he usually is very aloof."
"dexter doesn't have a lot of friends."

i usually arrive early because we were on flexi hours, and i'd catch dexter early as well.

he would often put his arms around me, and bury his head in my neck, and then proclaim that i smell good.
then, we would have coffee, chat a little, and go to work.

sometimes i would receive a call from him, asking how i was doing, if i needed any more training.
looking back, maybe i should've taken him up on his offers. but i was innocent then. hehe.

eventually the calls turned naughty.

"lobton tika ron!" would be the first thing he'd say.
"gusto ka ana, no?" would be my laughing reply.
the calls would lass less than a minute, but would come regularly.

i started to notice him differently.

his chest was moulded firmly. he had a slight belly, which i would rub sometimes.

his bubble butt complemented his noticeably protruding bulge, which everyone commented on.

he was dark-skinned and had facial hair, both my weaknesses.

i started to like him sexually.

dexter would ask me to give him neck massages, and didn't seem to mind if i strayed a little farther.

he started to get a little physical too. he would sometimes squeeze my body parts, as if he was imagining something else.

and he wouldn't mind if i squeezed him back.

except i have a rule: don't shit in your own backyard.

dexter's lab 1

2008-08-11T16:21:00.001+08:00

years ago, i had just started at an engineering plant, and was designated to work under a large account for our team.
assigned to train me was dexter, who was leaving his post for another spot in another team.

for the past few days, he taught me everything he knew.
i guess i was too excited to work to notice dexter right away.

he was slightly older, with a stubbled beard, broad shoulders, and was extremely masculine.
his deep voice would reverberate during our one-on-one training, asking me if i understood anything.

sometimes what he taught was too technical, so i would just nod yes, hoping that it would soon be over.
after a month, he felt i was ready to take his place.

i sat in his chair, trying to dig in on the work left.
dexter would sometimes sit with me to check on my work if he had the time.

another month passed, and we became good friends.
it was after work, and almost everyone had gone home early because of the monday blues.

i had just finished, and was clicking on personal mails when i became aware of someone standing behind me.

"what's that?" i heard dexter ask.
shit! i hurriedly minimized the teensy-sized browser.
"er, nothing." i heard myself reply.
"did i just see a...?"
double shit! that mail had gay porn attached.
"you saw nothing." i smiled confidently and stood up.
"i'm sure i saw something. let's open your browser."

he started to reach for the mouse.
"noooooo!" i grabbed the mouse and kept on clicking while dexter tried to wrestle it from behind me.
we grappled for a few seconds before i realized how silly we looked, and i started laughing.
he joined in, and soon i was sitting back down on the chair, winded down from horsing around.

"so what was it that you were trying to hide?"
i saw that i had managed to close the browser.
i looked up and saw that dexter was grinning at me while he sat on my table.

"like i said, nothing."
he gave me a strange look.
"what?" i asked.
"nothing. never mind."
"good. let's go home. i hate mondays."

teenage love affair

2008-08-07T14:29:00.004+08:00

while aboard a jeepney, a gaggle of giggling, barely-legal girls in skintight short shorts got on with a couple of older ladies.

it was obvious they just came from an internet cafe.

girl1: it was fun!
lady1: yeah, you liked it?
girl1 and girl2 (chorus): yes!
lady1: you want him for a boyfriend? i can give him to you instead of girl 4.
girl3: i want one too! i've never had one before!
lady2: yes, but we'll have to find another one for you, he thought you were too young.
lady1: yes, he'll have a problem with visa, that's what he said.
girl1: the guy was strange.
girl2: that's what happens when the guy is old.
girl4: i don't want to live in the states. i want japanese men! they seem rich.
lady2: japanese men are difficult. they require a meet up before you marry.
lady1: yes, unlike americans. they can process everything even before you meet.

my stop came and i left the girls while they argued on who's getting the next international vict - er, i meant, man.

and here i thought romance was dead.