loving from afar

tony just left to work in dubai, leaving behind his lover.

i can only imagine the feelings those two must have had during the whole time.

i asked him a week ago if they would still be together after he left.

he just shook his head and said he didn't know. aw.

relationships can be complex. and they can also be simple.

except that i'm not the best person to answer that. hehe!

it reminded me, strangely, of my newest favorite series pushing daisies.

if you were granted a relationship full of everything you hoped for with the person you've always dreamed of - except that you will rarely touch (or see) each other (if at all) - would you go for it?

it's a question that boggles the mind.

on to lighter things. i've been battling flu, coughs, and cold for 3 days now. i hate it.

it didn't get better that i had to be at a welcome-to-cebu dinner for a dear friend and a despedida after for tony going on until 3 in the morning. yes, i am to blame for that. but it's not often that it happens.

and so i suffer the consequences.

this is one of those days i wish i had that someone special to keep me company in bed.

oh captain, wherefore art thou?

hahaha...

powder on a little self-love

sunday morning found me with a bikil that needed a little hilot.

thank god it got the massage it needed in the afternoon, now i feel better. and i just need to rest.

with nothing much to do except download music and perhaps download a little bit of porn (hehe), i find myself browsing through handwriting analysis sites while listening to tracks which include garbage's cherry lips, beverly knight's coulda woulda shoulda, and goo-goo dolls' black balloons .

i blame gina for getting me hooked on these tests. hehe!

besides, who doesn't like or even love these things?
they appeal to the ego. well. my ego.
most tend to be sugarcoated.
i found one that's more honest.

so this one is for me to remember and improve upon.

you are straightforward in your approach and know your mind basically.
you can handle any situation with your poise and maturity.

you are active and basically impatient due to which you act impulsively without much consideration.
you may also be prejudiced. (er, yes, i can be. sometimes.)

you are an easygoing kind of person, but that does not mean that you are least concerned.
you seek recreation and work on equal scales. (TRUE!)

you being permissive, handle money and events of life munificently. (munificent means generous, which i found in an online thesaurus.)

you are cautious, such that you think several times before taking an action or starting a new venture. (hello, libra!)

you project just a part of yourself to the world, letting them know your ideas and thoughts a limited extend.

you are an active person who is a quick thinker and efficient.
but, you also tend to be restless and impatient. (that's true.)

you are a dependable and trustworthy person.

you are not very ambitious and hence, do not keep your goals very high. (hehe! guilty.)

you handle criticism with your cool temperament and dignity.

you have reasonable keenness in the task you undertake.

you like to remain secluded and do not enjoy limelight.

you are least concerned about gratifying the world and rather look forward to your own contentment through the completion of your task. (ahem. yes, i agree.)

you believe in exacting and being accurate.

you are an extrovert and hence, like to socialize with the people. (yet i shun the limelight. huh?)

you show keen interest in learning new things. (you bet!)
you love to explore the ever-changing world. (hell, yeah.)

you are contented and material pleasures do not concern you. (um, really!?)

you lack vital strength of mind and will to accomplish you work. (aawww.)

you are flexible and practical which works to your advantage.
the balance outlook of yours helps you adapt yourself according to the crowd.

http://www.truthstar.com/graphology/free_graphology.asp

and how do you write?

got this from gina's blog.
this is so funny.

yet so true!


Trey is moderately outgoing. His emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart-rendering stories. In fact, he can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. He has the ability to put himself into the other person's shoes.

Trey will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes he will be happy, the next day he might be sad. He has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because he is in between. Psychology calls Trey an ambivert. He understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, he will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." He doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing him to buy a product or an idea, a heart-rendering story could mean a great deal to him. He puts himself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet he will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Trey is an expressive person. He outwardly shows his emotions. He may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Trey is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. He weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when he finally has to. He basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Trey doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

When Trey expresses an opinion on a issue he will stick to that opinion, and probably will not change his mind. In other words... Trey is stubborn. When he is wrong about something that he has decided upon, he will have trouble admitting he is wrong. Changing Trey's mind can be very difficult. Once Trey makes up his mind, he doesn't want to be confused with the facts!

Trey will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell people what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if you don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!

Trey can be defiant. He sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way he is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which he thinks are infringing upon his freedom of action.

Diplomacy is one of Trey's best attributes. He has the ability to say what others want to hear. He can have tact with others. He has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Trey can disagree without being disagreeable.

In reference to Trey's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Trey slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Trey can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Trey is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down-to-earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. He finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Trey basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.

Trey is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Trey has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. He lets new people into his circle of friends. He uses his imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct, Trey has left some white space on the left side of the paper. Trey fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as he moves down the page. If this is true, then Trey has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Trey is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Trey is leaving the past behind and moving on to what he perceives as an exciting and enticing future.

http://www.handwritingwizard.com/

damn you

i met mt for the second time last night.

updated each other for a minute.

then our clothes were off.

he was still beautifully rock hard. large muscles in all the right places.

he had shaved for a contest.

too bad he also shaved his face. i love his stubbly chin grazing all over me.

apparently, his girlfriend almost caught him on his way over.
his new girlfriend.
awww.
how sweet of her to be so vigilant.

drove me crazy with his tongue and hands.
arms and legs tangled in a warm heap.
licking, rubbing, and slippery.
rubbing, squeezing, spanking.
he had to put something in my mouth to silence my moans and groans.
*grin*

at least he didn't try to put it inside.
i don't think i could handle anything that big.
seriously. it's been so long ago since i've done that.

then a good long shower together after.
kneading, kissing, and kneeling.
dried each other carefully.

and what is it about me that encourages people to lift me up?

i have been lifted up like a blushing bride within the week by two guys already.
flattering, i guess.

maybe because it's almost june.

haha!

and minus points on mt for branding me.
forcibly and against my will.
kind of sexy and kinky.
but a little sophomoric.
sigh.

why do testosterone-driven aggressive guys have to do that?

at least the marks are not visible while clothed.

lock, stock, and barrel

we meet up at a nearby mall.

he was wearing post-gym workout clothes.
i was wearing basic black.

we took a walk to his dorm.
we got inside his room.
started fooling around.

he was sweet. cute. stocky.
aggressive.
serious.

damn, you're so fucking hot, he says.
shut up, i say. and i kiss him long and hard.
we move to the bed.

i want a boyfriend like you, he pants.
shh. don't say anything, i say.

then one of the bed supports cracked.
i guess my bed knows how to choose who i should have a relationship with, he says.
i stop, and look at him.
we barely know each other, i say.

i look at his eyes.
i wish you were my boyfriend, he says.
we just met, i say.

so? he asks.
he starts exploring my body.
i sit up in surprise as a finger goes inside the cave.

wait, i don't do that, i say.
why? he asks.

i just don't. it's a special place and it's a special act, i say.
if i were your boyfriend, would you let me? he asks.

i don't reply. instead i just kiss him.

and spent a lot of time trying to stop him from entering.
stop, i protest. many times.
please? he begs.
no, i'm sorry. everything but that, i say.

we took a bath after.
soaped each other up.
kissed. fondled. teased.
toweled each other off.

you'll be mine soon, he growls.
he takes me by surprise as he lifts and carries me off the bed and towards the door.

put me down, i say.
he lets me down and i kiss him one more time.

and i leave him.

i don't want no scrubs

well, that was what i thought.

then i thought, what the hell. i'll try them body scrubs.

and so i went to a nearby spa.

arranged to have ground coffee beans, honey, and warm water scrubbed all over my body.

the bed was slippery. they used linoleum. ick. should've used rubberized material. it's an accident waiting to happen.

a careful citrus body wash came first. then came the scrub.

the treatment itself was interesting. interesting because i loved the coffee smell.

except when one gets a body scrub, isn't the objective to get all your parts scrubbed? no hanky panky stuff here. i mean, shouldn't your jewels get a shine too? and shouldn't the entrance to the pearly gates be scrubbed as well?

did i expect too much and got too little? or is it just how scrubs go?

was the therapist expecting something more than a mere scrub?

a few of his not-so-subtle hints:

"sir, would you like to turn off the lights so it's more romantic?" (er, whatever do you mean?)

fingers graze the jewels. (hell, if you should graze, just go ahead and polish them outright. right?)

hands enter the neatly trimmed forbidden forest. (again, just go clean the woodlands, will ya?)

a carefully placed showerhead to moisten the entrance to the pearly gates. (should've scrubbed it before hosing it down, man!)

and as i stand showering, clearing myself of the ground coffee, the half-naked therapist watches unabashedly at james and the peaches - dangling and wet- and smiles. (um, you like what you see, j?)

*sigh*

i must try another spa's scrub for comparison.

a matter of size

most of the men i've met are pretty much endowed.

except that during those times, i thought their dick size was average. based on my dick. because i based my size on the porn i've watched.

only to find out that when most guys say large, it is average to me.

i guess i am large to most people.

i am pleasantly surprised.

fuck it. no mr polite.

i'm fucking proud i got a dick larger than average.

i guess i have been pretty lucky so far.

although i've had my fair share of small pickles.

there was the masseur who boasted of a jumbo hotdog to me. and when he revealed his prized possession, it was half of mine.

or the med student i met. attractive, good body, and flawless. except for the vienna-sized sausage looking straight at me. hard.

lucky, or maybe i just lack more experience with guys...

i'm glad to have realized i am a bigger man than i thought i was.

*grin*

do you hate me now?

morning call

date set, time set, place set.

shower. tee. short. flip flips.

i can still make it.

i run outside.

and nearly melted from the scorching sun.

arrived to find mr teaser slightly sweating from the humid heat.

he did not lie. he was slightly taller than me. he was good-looking. in a mestizo kind of way.

charming, personable, and gracious. i drank a glass of water before following him into his room.

pretty soon clothes were off. hairy places visited, caressed, touched, licked, and gently bitten.

moaning, groaning, grinding, and melding. sounds and bodies pressed together.

the sweat made skin slippery. deliciously so.

lunch time came and went.

muttered oaths as precious seed came forth.

and i kissed him happy birthday before i left.

to bake and burn in boracay

boracay-bound, traveling by boat. the trio of tony, ian, and me.

arrived to find the beach not as powdery or white as advertised. i think panglao has a much better sand quality. whatever. i'm there to relax and have fun.

hot guys around. oh, so many, so little time.

hot girls too. if you were into girls. i do have to admit there were hot girls.

one of the hottest guys i saw was mr hot-pecs. he had gorgeous dark skin, infectious smile, and beautilfully mounded body parts. ah. he really had my full attention. except that he seemed to be into his chubby friend. i couldn't tell if it was just barkada play or for real.

bars, restos, and shops. god. i love the ylang-ylang soap.

on the morning we were to leave for cebu, i received a text message from a hot paraw guide. he wanted to meet. and so we did.

and we nearly missed the boat going home because of me.

some hot guys were on the boat for cebu.

there, we met mr hot engineer.

what a manlicious summer escapade.

*sigh*

i'm still reminiscing.

spank me, i'm bad

got this from edik.

love the results.

who'd have thought i'd be so sinful?

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	High
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	High
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

paid like the whore that i am

after airing our my grievances.

after writing an email and demanding a correct figure.

after more than four months, i finally got my last salary.

i find out many have resigned.

and more are resigning.

too bad i wasn't able to get the contact number of that hot security guy.

written in the stars?

fortune-telling with eloy was crazy.

i've always loved divinations. they amuse me. sometimes they're right on, sometimes they're totally off the charts.

or perhaps it's the affinity to the occult. i don't know. but i love exploring the world beyond the material.

my reading went pretty okay. a warning or two. family matters. a little career.

then love life. it was like reading a page of my life containing the relationship parts. one page. with perhaps just one paragraph. a short description of my love life. or the lack of it. haha!

'you are presently single. someone is thinking about you right now.'

and i'm thinking, great. who the hell is that? and would they at least come forward?

'beware of gossip. you may become a center of it, or become a link in the chain.'

i listen to gossip. but i don't start it.

'there is a dark haired man in your life.'

er, asians all have dark hair. big help.

'be careful of someone you will meet. he is very attractive. but he may be bad news as well.'

oh, great. just when i've met someone hot, he turns out to be bad for me. story of my life.

'there is affection directed at you.'

great. would they come out and say it already?

then eloy catches me totally off-guard with a question.

'are you sure you're gay?'

i nearly fell off my chair. what made him say that?

'your energy is very masculine, and clothed in some feminine energy. which is very opposite of most gay men. gay men usually have strong feminine energy clothed in masculine energy. are you sure you're gay?'

i'm gobsmacked. of course i am.

'well, if you do decide to switch teams, you'd make a great straight guy.'

and i silently think, is he telling me that i'm bound to end up with women?

i ask him, okay, will i find my mister right, or at least a boyfriend?

'not in the philippines. you're bound to meet him outside of the country.'

silence.

'i see you will make good outside the country. you should plan on it.'

*sigh*

something new

watching several pinoy gay-themed movie trailers, indie and studio-produced, made me wonder for a bit.

they seemed to be categorized into:
a. tragic love story
b. melodramedy
c. gayrishly "funny"

i admit, i don't see a lot of pinoy films. gay-themed or not.

because i end up thinking:

will the sad, tragic, and violent brokeback-inspired movies never end?
will the seemingly hilarious but over-the-top stereotyped gaymedies ever stop?
when will the endless overacting and underacting stop?

when will i see a sweet, heart-warming, and light story?
will i never hear a simple but moving and poignant dialogue?
will i ever get to watch a slice of non-overly-hyped real current life happening in a movie?

duda/doubt and bathhouse were very qaf. i love qaf.
bilog/circle was very crash. i love crash.
ang pagdadalaga ni oliveros was very charming. i loved it. loved it.
sibak was tragic. considered a breakthrough at the time. but still tragic. about a macho dancer.
i watched burlesk king mainly for tonio ortigas. as a macho dancer.
twilight dancers sort of flew past my memory. yet another macho dancer story?
parola... um, what was the story again? i just remember lots of gratuitous nudity. yum.
roxxxane... too late on the cell phone scandal theme.
selda seemed interesting. i'll probably watch it one of these days.
ang lihim ni antonio beckoned, but i didn't go.
daybreak seemed promising. i still didn't go.
hugot seems to be about men... in underwear. mostly tighty-whities.
manay po? er. i'll pass commenting on this one.

i do admit i haven't watched a lot of pinoy digiqueer movies. within the first 15 minutes, i get to see how the film is made. and within that 15 minutes, my attention has either been gripped or has been lost. like what happened to moreno - quickly ejected within 2 minutes from the dvd player.

the sudden rush of gay-themed movies have yet to inspire me to watch them at the movies. but i know i will eventually watch them. just not right away.

unless someone hot asks me out to watch it.

*grin*

la-la-lies

i'm a straight tripper, looking to hook up with other straight trippers only.

i'm bisexual and curious.

i'm very discreet and extremely straight acting.

i got a gym-toned body, lean and sexy.

i'm 5'8 tall, fair, and cute.

i'm sexy, fit, and hung.

i'm a pure top, but i can bottom for the right guy.

i'm not gay; i just never had sex with a girl because i believe marital sex is sacred.

***

which ones have you used?

and which ones have been used on you?