two girls, a guy, and a coffee shop

i happened to meet two girl friends within 24 hours.

one was a friend from high school who married an ex-officemate of mine, without me knowing about it until a chance conversation. she was conditioned to see life negatively, and it just pains me to see her so down on herself.

we happened to talk about relationships, and she proposed that perhaps i was commitment phobic.

and perhaps it is true. i am afraid of falling.

i told this to my bestest friend. we had a grand old time catching up, dissecting ourselves and dreaming of travails and travels.

ah. lovely walks in paris, lunch in greece, and tea in london.

then our phones rang and we got back to our real world.

wandering thoughts

pregnant women freak me out. i always think they're about to give birth in front me, and i have to help them give birth.

the fact that i actually know the words to some sappy tagalog love songs (bakit nga ba mahal kita, kahit di pinapansin ang damdamin ko, di mo man ako mahal, eto parin ako nagmamahal nang tapat sa yo?) has me totally rolling on the floor laughing...

irritations:

women with their long hair free who sit beside me in jeepneys or stand near me, tossing their stiff rebonded manes like they're starring in shampoo commercials. in reality, they look more like insecure aswangs in the daylight. i wish i always brought a pair of scissors with me. all the time.

fat women who think they're not fat and squeeze in with you. don't you find that a little claustrophobic?

or trannies who brush up against you. it's not that i don't like trannies. i just don't like people i'm not attracted to, to be touching me. i end up dusting myself involuntarily. it's a mental thing. i might need a shrink.

copycats. from the most obvious pinoy movies/telenovelas (think: desperadas) to the remakers of hit sappy love songs (think: crazy for you/especially for you/love moves in mysterious ways). though i get it. remakes can be hot. just don't overdo it. fyi... loving darren haye's cover of madonna's dress you up in my love.

salespeople who tell me this celebrity wears this item and uses this product. say those magic words, and you'll have lost me. good bye.

women who think they deserve special service just because they exist as women. listen. you wanted equal rights. you can't have it both ways. you can't wear pants and expect people to treat you as if you were wearing gowns. of course, i can be a gentleman to ladies i like. just not to delusional ragdolls with diva attitudes. i can be one too, you know. (LOL)

i just thought of this. late, flaky, disrespectful narcissists.

disappointments:

the series moonlight. i hate it. the story is so scattered, the dialogue is so predictable, and the characters are so boring. i sooo regret buying it.

inspirations:

the beach. forests. animals. nature.

simplicity. ostentatiousness. luxury. opposites. yin and yang.

color. texture. smell. taste. music.

friends. creativity. humor. optimism.

fruits.

the occult. magic. spirituality.

food. food shows.

good furniture. design shows. appliances.

love/hate them:

clothing trends. however baduy they can be. some can be darling (skinny jeans). some are just plain crazy (bomber jackets in the philippines?).

fried food. chicken. ngohiong. bulaklak.

gadgets. i love the mac air. though sometimes i wish i weren't so techy. it can be hard and expensive to keep up.

nail biting - well, not really

i finished a draft of the story. yes! draft, because i constantly add, delete, and change the words.

i have decided to send the draft to several people in the hopes that they can provide valuable insights and critiques. i've already made up my mind that my writing is a little too flowery and too melodramatic. i guess i'll have to wait if others think so too. (lol)

i've already one big critique. tony from guam, who said that the names are too western. and asked if there would be any pinoys. yes. i'm going to make it a benetton world. doncha worry your pretty lil head about it.

b mentioned that it might be too graphic. it's meant to be. it's for adults. it's got words like cock, fuck, shit, and all the cusses we're probably used to. and of course, the sex is going to be there most of the time. it's going to cause discomfort to many, and maybe pleasure to some.

b's going to make his work a bit more family-friendly. i envy him. and i think his work's going to be funny too.

i've already mentioned how i am concerned that my work might be accused as plagiarized work, or become a plagiarized work. so for now, i don't think i'll be posting anything other than the occasional mention of ideas or names. besides, i don't think it would get that big an audience. and there must be dozens of other writers who are more talented than me. i'd just like to err on the side of caution.

i've already been inspired by several experiences, which i've yet to put down. i've discussed them with some people and so far they've found it amusing. which is what i need, since humor is not really injected too much (if at all) in what i've finished so far.

one problem i'm struggling with is how to get the lead out of the country and into the city. the transition story. that'll have to wait for inspiration to strike. then to the city he cometh!

the good thing about writing this story is that i'm more conscious of words. and how to arrange them as best as i can. i've even begun to put apostrophes (which i spell-checked and came out correct) in my sentences. now if only i'm not lazy enough to do upper cases in proper nouns and at the beginning of sentences.

yes. i was a spelling bee wannabe.

this story (and its consquent success, or most likely, the lack of it) is probably a dream, maybe a pipe dream. but at least i've done something about it. at least i won't sing the coulda-woulda-shoulda song.

yes, you!

i've always been in the belief that people usually show themselves not in their words, but by their actions. or lack of it.

commitment, or lack of it. if you can commit to something small, you can probably commit to the important stuff.

imagine this: you tell someone you'll meet them at so-and-so at this time, and you don't do it.

then, failing to realize that you were past the designated time, you send a reply to a barrage of where-are-you's.

you reply with "i'm watching excorcist on dvd, i'm not dressed yet."

when the other party is intentionally ignores you after you show up almost two hours later, you send your arsenal of calls and text messages. both styles ignored.

"where are you?" "sorry na." and you send it repeatedly, hoping to force that person to realize that you were being gracious by apologizing and forcing him to accept your "cute" way of doing so.

you write it, hoping that he thinks it's sincere.

you write it this way, sending him the subconscious message that everything was his fault, and you are the innocent victim.

what does it say about you? if you failed to respect a person's time and effort, wouldn't that make you disrespectful?

and you wonder why people don't really care for you much, if at all.

your stock has plummeted so much, it has to be mined. it barely made the stock market in the first place.

and yet, you still wonder why people avoid you.

let the madness begin!

i've started on something i've always wanted to do: write a story.

since the sixth grade, i've harbored a secret wish to write a book. in my mind, the story would blur the lines between reality and fantasy, thrown in with a good dose of my wishful desires, a dash of humor, and a wee bit of angst. some characters would be based on real life, and some would be fictional.

and of course, the main character would be based on me. it's so obviously a self-promoting story. (lol)

that wish laid dormant for years. until an exchange of ym's with b, who i discovered, also shared the same passion for fantasy works and graphic novels. the conversation triggered the longing, and we both agreed to share our ongoing works with each other via blogs.

that was about two weeks ago. from a simple story, it has evolved, in my mind, to be a complex one. i've already made up my mind who the character will look like, what he will experience, and all that. except it's come out longer than i expected.

the character is the result of a union between mortal and demon centuries ago, who has abilities he has yet to waken and understand. he is seemingly immortal, and has to find out and deal with his current situation.

i've already begun a draft of the first few chapters. i've also included a creation angle as an afterthought. hm. the wordings are a little dry. i guess i should try to use a few big words, like undulate (used) and enunciate (not yet, but will it ever be?).

i don't even have a good character name! i know it should be a simple name, yet strong and classic. i've decided on the name chase. pryce is a good contender.

i've also made some research on various studies on demonology and myths, which would be loosely used as basis for characters, settings, and beliefs.

i did post the creation story on multiply, though.

b's plan would be to form a group who would critique each other's works and provide assistance and guidance. i'm a little skeptic. but whatever. as long as it isn't accused as a plagiarized story, and won't be plagiarized, i'll be happy.

dexter's lab 3

we were almost inseparable at work, dexter and i.
i was thrilled whenever i teased him by touching him inappropriately.
his stubbled jawline, his broad chest, and his bubble butt were not immune to my inquisitive hands.

i wrestled with the idea of kissing him.
the angel in me won out easily.

i was young. i had experienced the joy of just recently.
i wasn't ready to have an office affair.
i wasn't ready to have it with a married man.
i wasn't emotionally ready.

i was afraid.

and so nothing happened.

fast forward to present year.

i am enjoying an overrated and overpriced frozen coffee drink, with friends.
bubz got me reminiscing as he brought up the topic of the one who got away.
of seemingly straight men who are curious.

i was reminded of dexter.

i told b about dexter in a spate of innane chatter revolving around relationships.

what would i have done differently?
would i have gone for it?
did i regret not acting on it?

i would like to say i regret it.
but knowing me then, i don't really regret it.
the affair would've been messy. or at least it would've messed me up.
and i wouldn't have liked it.

i do regret not pursuing him the moment i left the company though.

i did try to look for him though. old colleagues, the phone directory, even online.

a chance search on friendster produced a result.

upon closer look, it was obvious it was his wife who made his profile.

i learned that dexter was in dubai, due to arrive this yearend.

and to answer b's question, yes, i would go for it this time.

dexter's lab 2

over the next few weeks, dexter and i had gotten along well.

so well, in fact, that even officemates had begun commenting on it among themselves and to me.

"i've never seen him like this before."
"he usually is very aloof."
"dexter doesn't have a lot of friends."

i usually arrive early because we were on flexi hours, and i'd catch dexter early as well.

he would often put his arms around me, and bury his head in my neck, and then proclaim that i smell good.
then, we would have coffee, chat a little, and go to work.

sometimes i would receive a call from him, asking how i was doing, if i needed any more training.
looking back, maybe i should've taken him up on his offers. but i was innocent then. hehe.

eventually the calls turned naughty.

"lobton tika ron!" would be the first thing he'd say.
"gusto ka ana, no?" would be my laughing reply.
the calls would lass less than a minute, but would come regularly.

i started to notice him differently.

his chest was moulded firmly. he had a slight belly, which i would rub sometimes.

his bubble butt complemented his noticeably protruding bulge, which everyone commented on.

he was dark-skinned and had facial hair, both my weaknesses.

i started to like him sexually.

dexter would ask me to give him neck massages, and didn't seem to mind if i strayed a little farther.

he started to get a little physical too. he would sometimes squeeze my body parts, as if he was imagining something else.

and he wouldn't mind if i squeezed him back.

except i have a rule: don't shit in your own backyard.

dexter's lab 1

years ago, i had just started at an engineering plant, and was designated to work under a large account for our team.
assigned to train me was dexter, who was leaving his post for another spot in another team.

for the past few days, he taught me everything he knew.
i guess i was too excited to work to notice dexter right away.

he was slightly older, with a stubbled beard, broad shoulders, and was extremely masculine.
his deep voice would reverberate during our one-on-one training, asking me if i understood anything.

sometimes what he taught was too technical, so i would just nod yes, hoping that it would soon be over.
after a month, he felt i was ready to take his place.

i sat in his chair, trying to dig in on the work left.
dexter would sometimes sit with me to check on my work if he had the time.

another month passed, and we became good friends.
it was after work, and almost everyone had gone home early because of the monday blues.

i had just finished, and was clicking on personal mails when i became aware of someone standing behind me.

"what's that?" i heard dexter ask.
shit! i hurriedly minimized the teensy-sized browser.
"er, nothing." i heard myself reply.
"did i just see a...?"
double shit! that mail had gay porn attached.
"you saw nothing." i smiled confidently and stood up.
"i'm sure i saw something. let's open your browser."

he started to reach for the mouse.
"noooooo!" i grabbed the mouse and kept on clicking while dexter tried to wrestle it from behind me.
we grappled for a few seconds before i realized how silly we looked, and i started laughing.
he joined in, and soon i was sitting back down on the chair, winded down from horsing around.

"so what was it that you were trying to hide?"
i saw that i had managed to close the browser.
i looked up and saw that dexter was grinning at me while he sat on my table.

"like i said, nothing."
he gave me a strange look.
"what?" i asked.
"nothing. never mind."
"good. let's go home. i hate mondays."

teenage love affair

while aboard a jeepney, a gaggle of giggling, barely-legal girls in skintight short shorts got on with a couple of older ladies.

it was obvious they just came from an internet cafe.

girl1: it was fun!
lady1: yeah, you liked it?
girl1 and girl2 (chorus): yes!
lady1: you want him for a boyfriend? i can give him to you instead of girl 4.
girl3: i want one too! i've never had one before!
lady2: yes, but we'll have to find another one for you, he thought you were too young.
lady1: yes, he'll have a problem with visa, that's what he said.
girl1: the guy was strange.
girl2: that's what happens when the guy is old.
girl4: i don't want to live in the states. i want japanese men! they seem rich.
lady2: japanese men are difficult. they require a meet up before you marry.
lady1: yes, unlike americans. they can process everything even before you meet.

my stop came and i left the girls while they argued on who's getting the next international vict - er, i meant, man.

and here i thought romance was dead.

the way

one of my close friend's sister recently got married.
i'm no fan of weddings, specially when i know the crowd it brings.

nothing really wrong with the people, it's just that being a gay fil-chi is a bit harder in cebu's chinese society, where everybody knows everybody.

and being gay used to be such a big scandalous taboo for most traditional families.

thank god mine isn't that close-minded. not anymore.
i know of several gay fil-chi guys who were forced to get married by their family.
revisiting the traditional fil-chi world was much needed though.
i sat with some friends and began catching up.

it made me remember my high school days (and nights).
our clique at high school was a little strange for many, but it made sense to us.

there was the geek, the socialite, the bugoy, the couple, the jock, the bitch, the crush, the brat, and more.
it was so varied, and we all were in different classrooms.

the teachers all tried to separate us each year, but we still stuck through all four years - and even until now.

anyway, our group at the wedding was now a little incestuous.
bb, one of my high school crushes, was now married.
his wife is the sister-in-law of another mutual close friend, who happens to be a younger sister of my sister's best friend.
bb was a part of a group of rich bugoys, two of which were brothers, who were my crushes too.
one of the brothers is married to another friend's ex.
yes, incestuous.

come to think of it, most of my crushes were the bugoys, and i used to hang with them too.
it was pretty cool. they were all these straight guys who would talk about who had nailed which girl.
they were the ones who gave me my first porn, my first drink, and my first wet dream.

and then there was that one guy, gary.
he wasn't my type at all, even though he was big and bearish. but boy, did he pamper me.
i like to think he secretly liked me.
i mean, he used to ask me if he could drive me home after going out.
and he would hold my hand while talking to me and making me lean my back against him.
on second thought, i think he did like me.

i know this happens in an all-boys' school, but it's extremely rare in a co-ed high school.
anyway, graduation came and i left high school a virgin in every sense of the word.
i guess it's just one of those phases where people experiment.

the clapping of the parishioners brought me back to the present.
i went to kiss the bride happiness, and i went out to find bb in his new luxury pick-up.

"hey trey, you want me to drop you off at your place after i bring the girls home?"
"nah, it's okay. my place is just a five-minute walk away."
"are you sure?"
"yep!"
i grinned and left.

don't call me baby

i love this song... specially for the post-breakup times - which i've yet to experience!

(lol)

you had me

1 missed call.

i checked the number.

hm, strange.

it's not saved.

i sent a text message.

"hi, who are you?"

the phone rang within a few seconds, same number.

i answered with "hello."

"trey?"

"yes?"

"i miss you."

before i could ask who he was, he had hung up.

anatani aitakute

i still haven't found what i've been looking for

since i was nearing bankruptcy, i tried applying as a technical writer for a multinational company.

there were three of us that day.
two girls, a guy, and an it park.

when we finished, the three of us made small talk.
one of the girls worked as a call center agent, and the other one resigned from one.
the current call girl was telling us all about her account and such, how the salary was big, that the company was good.

and the inevitable question came.

"why don't you apply as an agent?"
"wait, why are you here if you love your work?"
she blinked.
"um, i just wanted to check it out. i don't even know what this company does."

then she went on a dialogue that it's the money, the opportunity, the learning, the challenge.
i doubt if it was for our benefit.
i think she was still trying to convince herself.
i could tell from her eyes.
i began tuning her out.

"so, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?"
the question jerked me back to reality.
i was about to tell her that a true lady never reveals her age, but i decided to be nice.
"how old do you think i am?"
they both guessed wrong, and of course, i took it as a compliment.

the call girl, it turned out, was near mid 20's.
oh my god. i was shocked.
i could've mistaken her for late 20's to early 30's.
thank god i didn't say that night shift work gives me a haggard and wizened countenance.
well, in my case, it was more like haggard and bloated. (lol)

if i get that job, i think it'd be interesting.
sounds like a routine, non-challenging, low pressure day job. perfect!
plus, there was that cute engineer guy who kept looking over at me.
too bad he was always with his friends.

all we could do was stare at each other.