Thursday, August 21, 2008

dexter's lab 3

we were almost inseparable at work, dexter and i.
i was thrilled whenever i teased him by touching him inappropriately.
his stubbled jawline, his broad chest, and his bubble butt were not immune to my inquisitive hands.

i wrestled with the idea of kissing him.
the angel in me won out easily.

i was young. i had experienced the joy of just recently.
i wasn't ready to have an office affair.
i wasn't ready to have it with a married man.
i wasn't emotionally ready.

i was afraid.

and so nothing happened.

fast forward to present year.

i am enjoying an overrated and overpriced frozen coffee drink, with friends.
bubz got me reminiscing as he brought up the topic of the one who got away.
of seemingly straight men who are curious.

i was reminded of dexter.

i told b about dexter in a spate of innane chatter revolving around relationships.

what would i have done differently?
would i have gone for it?
did i regret not acting on it?

i would like to say i regret it.
but knowing me then, i don't really regret it.
the affair would've been messy. or at least it would've messed me up.
and i wouldn't have liked it.

i do regret not pursuing him the moment i left the company though.

i did try to look for him though. old colleagues, the phone directory, even online.

a chance search on friendster produced a result.

upon closer look, it was obvious it was his wife who made his profile.

i learned that dexter was in dubai, due to arrive this yearend.

and to answer b's question, yes, i would go for it this time.

Friday, August 15, 2008

dexter's lab 2

over the next few weeks, dexter and i had gotten along well.

so well, in fact, that even officemates had begun commenting on it among themselves and to me.

"i've never seen him like this before."
"he usually is very aloof."
"dexter doesn't have a lot of friends."

i usually arrive early because we were on flexi hours, and i'd catch dexter early as well.

he would often put his arms around me, and bury his head in my neck, and then proclaim that i smell good.
then, we would have coffee, chat a little, and go to work.

sometimes i would receive a call from him, asking how i was doing, if i needed any more training.
looking back, maybe i should've taken him up on his offers. but i was innocent then. hehe.

eventually the calls turned naughty.

"lobton tika ron!" would be the first thing he'd say.
"gusto ka ana, no?" would be my laughing reply.
the calls would lass less than a minute, but would come regularly.

i started to notice him differently.

his chest was moulded firmly. he had a slight belly, which i would rub sometimes.

his bubble butt complemented his noticeably protruding bulge, which everyone commented on.

he was dark-skinned and had facial hair, both my weaknesses.

i started to like him sexually.

dexter would ask me to give him neck massages, and didn't seem to mind if i strayed a little farther.

he started to get a little physical too. he would sometimes squeeze my body parts, as if he was imagining something else.

and he wouldn't mind if i squeezed him back.

except i have a rule: don't shit in your own backyard.

Monday, August 11, 2008

dexter's lab 1

years ago, i had just started at an engineering plant, and was designated to work under a large account for our team.
assigned to train me was dexter, who was leaving his post for another spot in another team.

for the past few days, he taught me everything he knew.
i guess i was too excited to work to notice dexter right away.

he was slightly older, with a stubbled beard, broad shoulders, and was extremely masculine.
his deep voice would reverberate during our one-on-one training, asking me if i understood anything.

sometimes what he taught was too technical, so i would just nod yes, hoping that it would soon be over.
after a month, he felt i was ready to take his place.

i sat in his chair, trying to dig in on the work left.
dexter would sometimes sit with me to check on my work if he had the time.

another month passed, and we became good friends.
it was after work, and almost everyone had gone home early because of the monday blues.

i had just finished, and was clicking on personal mails when i became aware of someone standing behind me.

"what's that?" i heard dexter ask.
shit! i hurriedly minimized the teensy-sized browser.
"er, nothing." i heard myself reply.
"did i just see a...?"
double shit! that mail had gay porn attached.
"you saw nothing." i smiled confidently and stood up.
"i'm sure i saw something. let's open your browser."

he started to reach for the mouse.
"noooooo!" i grabbed the mouse and kept on clicking while dexter tried to wrestle it from behind me.
we grappled for a few seconds before i realized how silly we looked, and i started laughing.
he joined in, and soon i was sitting back down on the chair, winded down from horsing around.

"so what was it that you were trying to hide?"
i saw that i had managed to close the browser.
i looked up and saw that dexter was grinning at me while he sat on my table.

"like i said, nothing."
he gave me a strange look.
"what?" i asked.
"nothing. never mind."
"good. let's go home. i hate mondays."

Thursday, August 7, 2008

teenage love affair

while aboard a jeepney, a gaggle of giggling, barely-legal girls in skintight short shorts got on with a couple of older ladies.

it was obvious they just came from an internet cafe.

girl1: it was fun!
lady1: yeah, you liked it?
girl1 and girl2 (chorus): yes!
lady1: you want him for a boyfriend? i can give him to you instead of girl 4.
girl3: i want one too! i've never had one before!
lady2: yes, but we'll have to find another one for you, he thought you were too young.
lady1: yes, he'll have a problem with visa, that's what he said.
girl1: the guy was strange.
girl2: that's what happens when the guy is old.
girl4: i don't want to live in the states. i want japanese men! they seem rich.
lady2: japanese men are difficult. they require a meet up before you marry.
lady1: yes, unlike americans. they can process everything even before you meet.

my stop came and i left the girls while they argued on who's getting the next international vict - er, i meant, man.

and here i thought romance was dead.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

the way

one of my close friend's sister recently got married.
i'm no fan of weddings, specially when i know the crowd it brings.

nothing really wrong with the people, it's just that being a gay fil-chi is a bit harder in cebu's chinese society, where everybody knows everybody.

and being gay used to be such a big scandalous taboo for most traditional families.

thank god mine isn't that close-minded. not anymore.
i know of several gay fil-chi guys who were forced to get married by their family.
revisiting the traditional fil-chi world was much needed though.
i sat with some friends and began catching up.

it made me remember my high school days (and nights).
our clique at high school was a little strange for many, but it made sense to us.

there was the geek, the socialite, the bugoy, the couple, the jock, the bitch, the crush, the brat, and more.
it was so varied, and we all were in different classrooms.

the teachers all tried to separate us each year, but we still stuck through all four years - and even until now.

anyway, our group at the wedding was now a little incestuous.
bb, one of my high school crushes, was now married.
his wife is the sister-in-law of another mutual close friend, who happens to be a younger sister of my sister's best friend.
bb was a part of a group of rich bugoys, two of which were brothers, who were my crushes too.
one of the brothers is married to another friend's ex.
yes, incestuous.

come to think of it, most of my crushes were the bugoys, and i used to hang with them too.
it was pretty cool. they were all these straight guys who would talk about who had nailed which girl.
they were the ones who gave me my first porn, my first drink, and my first wet dream.

and then there was that one guy, gary.
he wasn't my type at all, even though he was big and bearish. but boy, did he pamper me.
i like to think he secretly liked me.
i mean, he used to ask me if he could drive me home after going out.
and he would hold my hand while talking to me and making me lean my back against him.
on second thought, i think he did like me.

i know this happens in an all-boys' school, but it's extremely rare in a co-ed high school.
anyway, graduation came and i left high school a virgin in every sense of the word.
i guess it's just one of those phases where people experiment.

the clapping of the parishioners brought me back to the present.
i went to kiss the bride happiness, and i went out to find bb in his new luxury pick-up.

"hey trey, you want me to drop you off at your place after i bring the girls home?"
"nah, it's okay. my place is just a five-minute walk away."
"are you sure?"
"yep!"
i grinned and left.

don't call me baby



i love this song... specially for the post-breakup times - which i've yet to experience!

(lol)

Saturday, August 2, 2008

you had me

1 missed call.

i checked the number.

hm, strange.

it's not saved.

i sent a text message.

"hi, who are you?"

the phone rang within a few seconds, same number.

i answered with "hello."

"trey?"

"yes?"

"i miss you."

before i could ask who he was, he had hung up.

anatani aitakute

i still haven't found what i've been looking for


since i was nearing bankruptcy, i tried applying as a technical writer for a multinational company.

there were three of us that day.
two girls, a guy, and an it park.

when we finished, the three of us made small talk.
one of the girls worked as a call center agent, and the other one resigned from one.
the current call girl was telling us all about her account and such, how the salary was big, that the company was good.

and the inevitable question came.

"why don't you apply as an agent?"
"wait, why are you here if you love your work?"
she blinked.
"um, i just wanted to check it out. i don't even know what this company does."

then she went on a dialogue that it's the money, the opportunity, the learning, the challenge.
i doubt if it was for our benefit.
i think she was still trying to convince herself.
i could tell from her eyes.
i began tuning her out.

"so, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?"
the question jerked me back to reality.
i was about to tell her that a true lady never reveals her age, but i decided to be nice.
"how old do you think i am?"
they both guessed wrong, and of course, i took it as a compliment.

the call girl, it turned out, was near mid 20's.
oh my god. i was shocked.
i could've mistaken her for late 20's to early 30's.
thank god i didn't say that night shift work gives me a haggard and wizened countenance.
well, in my case, it was more like haggard and bloated. (lol)

if i get that job, i think it'd be interesting.
sounds like a routine, non-challenging, low pressure day job. perfect!
plus, there was that cute engineer guy who kept looking over at me.
too bad he was always with his friends.

all we could do was stare at each other.

touch my body

i recently received a text message from an unknown number last week.

it turned out to be a masseur-turned-friend who had lost his phone a month ago, and who was now using his sister's phone and a new number.

i was pleasantly surprised to hear from him.

"pst. musta?"
"who are you?"
"si ron ni, musta naman? dugay naka wala ni anhi diri."
"aw, mingaw diay ka namo?"
"mingaw sab."

the flirty messages continued.
like a sexually confused teenage boy, i went to sleep smiling after a barrage of messages from him, ending with a "sweetdreams" message.

as b would put it, nihumok akong ilong.

and so i made an appointment a few days later.
he had gotten even beefier.
and was it an interesting massage!

i mean, there was no hanky panky. well. i guess it depends on the definition of hanky panky.
but wow.

i guess he did miss me. (lol)

the rose



what can i say?
brokeback mountain meets the divine miss bette midler.

the rose

some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
some say love it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed

some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
i say love it is a flower
and you its only seed

it's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
it's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance

it's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live

when the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong

just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love

in the spring
becomes the rose