Thursday, April 30, 2009

disturbia

i've often wondered what death would look like. i've run its images through my imagination thousands of times.

haven't we all?

when i was little, i used to think death as a huge monstrous beast. dark, hairy, menacing. growling through sharp teeth, its dank breath issuing poisonous fumes as its beady red eyes glowed at me in the dark. i imagined it would hide and scurry in the shadows, afraid of the light. a creature of the dark, a hound from hell. persephone's pet. i imagined it tore the soul of the very being it was sent to kill, shredding its victim's soul to pieces before it allowed the bits to drift down into the dark earth, where it would eventually be swallowed into a pit of wailing souls.

when i was able to read, i imagined death as the familiar hooded and cloaked figure, silent and grim, and as merciless as the scythe it wielded. this time, i imagined death walked among the living, neither seen or heard, but always felt. it did not fear sun or shade, but welcomed it. i figured it saw into every person it met, and it waited for a visit until the person was deemed to die.

as an adult, i began to think of death not as an enemy, but a partner of life. it was not merciless, but only performed a function that we all needed to go through. be it a death of a relationship, a pet, or even a flower. death is not grim. it is not a monster. death shakes our comfortable lives and allows us to remember that we must live as if we were about to die.

suddenly, i rethought all i knew about death yesterday. passing by a funeral procession, i strangely associated death as a woman. as a woman, death could be very heartbreakingly seductive and alluring. she could also be beautifully clothed in scorn and fury. yet she could also be merciful and excruciatingly kind as she tells brutal truths and menacing lies. doing all this while wearing 4-inch heels or fashionable flats.

she breathed life to her children,
for sisterhood among the brethren.
smooth and supple, her old skin could be.
aged and wise, her blind eyes will see.
her cold lips, luscious and red,
warmly speak of nothing but our death.

so, why not death as a woman?

Monday, April 27, 2009

eat me

at the top of my head...

i love dark chocolate. the bittersweet kind. i've always loved them, back when everyone wanted the light brown sweet milk chocolate. dark chocolate for me all the way.

i love coconut oil, either way it's extracted. some may wrinkle their noses at its strong smell, but for me the earthy scent is very seductive. specially when it's used for massages. (grin) actually it is quite good for massages, even if it doesn't have a happy ending. while i was in manila for several months and several years ago, i remember having my massages using carica cold-pressed coconut oil, and my then suki masseusse commented that the oil i was using smelled too strong. i didn't care, because it wasn't greasy, and i ended up with really moisturized skin. so, ha! take that, joy.

i love brewed coffee, the local ones. somehow, there's nothing better than having home-brewed local barako coffee in the morning. i'm currently enjoying cafe de lipa, which i love because of its smooth taste. i have one other favorite local coffee, except that i forgot the name. but it's not really hard to find it, as it's often in stock in local groceries. all filipino, all good.

i just realized that i also love cooking. but i don't like so much to eat what i've cooked. strange. and i've got tons of recipes in my head which i've to translate into words. i think i'll write down some of them later on. at least if i forget them, i'll have my blog for reference. they're quite eclectic, some very continental, some very asian, and some just fusion.

i think i would've made a good chef.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

you learn

recurring experience has one aim: to teach you what you do not want to learn.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

choices

it's always up to you on how you're going to run your life.

run it for good, or ruin it that bad - yes, people will care and try to shift you back to the right track.

but at the end of the day, it's still your choice that matters.

choose what you love, and then love your choice.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

bittersweet symphony

the most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you - it is when you don't understand yourself.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

seussism

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Dr. Seuss

Friday, April 17, 2009

to be or not to be

Love is the answer, but while waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Woody Allen

Thursday, April 16, 2009

prayer for serenity

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

the law of unattachment

don't cling to anything that needs to go.

everything in this world is not permanent.

you just have to love it while you have it.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

reflections

As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape - with any degree of success - is the person in the mirror.

Kerry Patterson

Monday, April 13, 2009

the three enemies of personal peace

regret over yesterday's mistakes

inattention over today's blessings

anxiety over tomorrow's problems

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

gold digger

we know the type. usually belonging to the lower strata of society, whose favorite past time is bettering themselves by leeching onto decrepit old men who can provide them with fake louis vuitton purses.

but i'm not talking about whores in the strictest sense of the word, who simply spread their legs once they receive cash.

i'm talking about the new breed of bitches, who study english or nihonggo and caregiving in the hopes of meeting that foreigner gullible enough to sully their hands with such vermin.

profile:

age: teens to early 30's

physical features: usually dark skinned to attract caucasian (and some asian) men, although there are rare cases of heavily bleached skin ones, with long rebonded hair which they toss in the air to appear seductive to their victims

tell-tale signs: fashion victim, or more appropriately, fashion roadkill usually sporting garish make-up and imitation designer bags to go with their version of the latest trends

where to find them: online chats, the french baker (sm city cebu)

usual story: poor provincial lass in the harsh city making a living to support her large family depending on her, looking to find someone she can exploi - oops, i meant love, who can support her dreams of a better life.

usual outcome: she lives with and marries the foreigner, supporting her extended family, but eventually gets dropped by the foreigner when he discovers she has been keeping and supporting a not-so-rich but virile male lover, who can satisfy her sexually, on the side who eventually lives with her in squallor and shame.

i spotted the latest specie yesterday, and i wonder what her problem is with me. she seemed to want to attract my attention by constantly going out of her way to irritate me.

either she likes me or envies me. fortunately, i don't care for her that much. it just amazed me that i seemed to bring out the claws of insecure women everywhere without doing anything much at all.

one thing i realized though. in a world where women think they rule, these rabid gold diggers ought to be rounded up and put to sleep forever by their own genders.

let the hunt begin.