the color purple

apparently, purple is the in color for the country - when it should've been in two years ago.

ugh.

what's new?

manjam

i opened an account with manjam last week, i think. and then i have the most stupid questions asked of me. i guess it's only telling of the kind of people who populate the site. including me. LOL!

i do love a lot of the members there, mainly because they have very funny and witty profiles. i'm just going to note down the non-lovable ones.

anyway, i got this account because g4m has long since died and joined planetromeo in the nether regions of cyberspace. and planetromeo sucks. i don't know why, but it does.

there's also pinoy g4m for those who miss the original g4m. it's admirable in the sense that they wish to keep the functionality of g4m.

i guess that it just proves that, regardless of the sites, questions and demands of moronic proportions persist. and here are some of them:

top or bottom?
answer i'd like to write: it's in my profile, you lazy illiterate fucktard.
answer i gave: it's in my profile.

pics.
answer i'd like to write: if i had more, they'd be there, wouldn't they?
answer i gave: none, sorry.

friendster.
answer i'd like to write: then why the hell are you in manjam?
answer i gave: none, sorry.

game?
answer i'd like to write: card, online, or word?
answer i gave: for what?

sup?
answer i'd like to write: 7, surf's, bottoms
answer i gave: hello too.

email?
answer i'd like to write: whose?
answer i gave: what?

discreet?
answer i'd like to write: shhh.
answer i gave: what?

i guess i really am too sarcastic, but at least i've kept it in check now.

thank you, Lord.

yes, you!

i've always been in the belief that people usually show themselves not in their words, but by their actions. or lack of it.

commitment, or lack of it. if you can commit to something small, you can probably commit to the important stuff.

imagine this: you tell someone you'll meet them at so-and-so at this time, and you don't do it.

then, failing to realize that you were past the designated time, you send a reply to a barrage of where-are-you's.

you reply with "i'm watching excorcist on dvd, i'm not dressed yet."

when the other party is intentionally ignores you after you show up almost two hours later, you send your arsenal of calls and text messages. both styles ignored.

"where are you?" "sorry na." and you send it repeatedly, hoping to force that person to realize that you were being gracious by apologizing and forcing him to accept your "cute" way of doing so.

you write it, hoping that he thinks it's sincere.

you write it this way, sending him the subconscious message that everything was his fault, and you are the innocent victim.

what does it say about you? if you failed to respect a person's time and effort, wouldn't that make you disrespectful?

and you wonder why people don't really care for you much, if at all.

your stock has plummeted so much, it has to be mined. it barely made the stock market in the first place.

and yet, you still wonder why people avoid you.

teenage love affair

while aboard a jeepney, a gaggle of giggling, barely-legal girls in skintight short shorts got on with a couple of older ladies.

it was obvious they just came from an internet cafe.

girl1: it was fun!
lady1: yeah, you liked it?
girl1 and girl2 (chorus): yes!
lady1: you want him for a boyfriend? i can give him to you instead of girl 4.
girl3: i want one too! i've never had one before!
lady2: yes, but we'll have to find another one for you, he thought you were too young.
lady1: yes, he'll have a problem with visa, that's what he said.
girl1: the guy was strange.
girl2: that's what happens when the guy is old.
girl4: i don't want to live in the states. i want japanese men! they seem rich.
lady2: japanese men are difficult. they require a meet up before you marry.
lady1: yes, unlike americans. they can process everything even before you meet.

my stop came and i left the girls while they argued on who's getting the next international vict - er, i meant, man.

and here i thought romance was dead.

what goes around, comes around

12:48 pm, july 13 2008.

i have too much time to think, and the lack of sleep doesn't help.

soul searching helped me realize something.

that what i had experienced was just the universe telling me that i deserved it.

karma.

i was inconsiderate of others not too long ago. and now it's come back to haunt me.

i immediately knew i had to apologize for my overly dramatic reaction.

and i hope it was received well.

12: 50 pm, july 13 2008.

bitch

9:01 am, july 13 2008.

i think i'm about to get over the whole pissed-off thing.

i hope that it's not just the sleep deprivation thing going on.

still haven't slept a wink.

my head is throbbing. my heart is beating a mile a minute. my eyes are droopy.

my hands and feet are cold. the rest of me is feverish.

i'm drinking strongly brewed coffee.

i hope it helps.

my hands are shaking, my body is vibrating, my breathing is shallow.

probably from exhaustion and caffeine.

i'm clean shaven today.

it's my small way of excorcising everything that happened.

making a new start.

okay, i get it.

people have needs.

there are some things that are bound to be forgotten in the heat of the moment.

and i just happened to become one of them.

no big deal. right?

i think i'll just keep telling myself that until i feel better.

here's hoping.

9:27 am, july 13 2008.

hung up

5:04 am, july 13 2008.

sitting at the curbside of mango square is not the way i intended to spend time.

waiting for someone to arrive from an illicit tryst is no problem for me.

hell, i introduced the two of them.

doesn't matter when they run off to play games.

it becomes a problem when that person does not have any courtesy or consideration to let me go early when clearly, i was just a landing dummy meant to cushion the afterglow of showersex.

i was expecting an earlier arrival to cap off the night.

but no.

instead, upon arrival of the said person from his tryst, i was told to go home.

after waiting for over two hours.

enduring possible theft and curious trannies and widemouthed yawns.

i was pissed off. fuck. i still am pissed off.

then i thought, am i being too selfish here?

isn't the night for him?

am i being too much of a drama queen?

a totally egocentric asshole?

but then again, another thought struck me. aren't we all selfish at the core?

self-preservation is, after all, the name of the game.

why should friends be any different?

just because i waited for nothing, i shouldn't expect a medal for doing so, right?

was it because i expected too much from someone that i ended up getting emotionally hurt?

no, i'm not pissed because i'm cranky from being sleepy and hungry waiting.

i'm pissed because there was no consideration coming to me.

i'm not some groupie, waiting for some rock star to finish fucking just to be told to go home.

god. maybe i am. am i that pathetic?

is there any gay rule when it comes to these kinds of scenarios?

i never should've let my guard down.

the ones who usually hit the hardest are the ones dear to you.

perhaps i should go back to being my former skeptical self, where emotions are rare and should be ignored.

at least i won't feel anything.

i'm pissed.
i'm tired.

maybe i was right all those years. keep people out of your heart.

that way, they'll never have the power to hurt or disappoint you.

and not to expect anything from people at all. most of all your loved ones.

i haven't slept yet.

being pissed off really does give you more energy.

i haven't slept much lately.

i think i sacrificed too much of myself lately.

i hope i'll mend. i know i will.

but the scar will always be there, burning a reminder to myself.

and for this, i am glad.

i always try to look at things for lessons learned.

this is one of the bigger lessons.

5:27 am, july 13 2008.

a little respect

once upon a time, there were three friends who went to a farm.

their names were ox, bear, and tick.

they were at the farm to enjoy each other's company, as well as view the various wildlife present.

after the three friends had dinner, ox decided to have his fur trimmed.

and so the three went to the farmer's shop nearby where ox would be pruned.

but bear and tick got bored just sitting around waiting for ox, so they decided to walk around the farm.

after bidding ox temporary leave, the two went around looking for new clothes.

bear was in a shopping mood, and since tick was broke, he had to content himself with just looking and trying the freebies.

a loud bellow was heard. it was tick's cell phone.

ox had finished his cut. where were bear and tick?

tick replied, we are at the herd collection.

ox answered, where is that?

tick replied, never mind - we'll go to where the farmer's shop where you are.

when they arrived, there was no sign of ox.

the farmer already had closed shop.

tick got worried and tried to contact ox.

no reply.

bear tried to call ox, but his calls were cancelled.

when bear and tick were tired of worrying and waiting for long, they decided to leave.

and that's when bear received a message from ox, that ox decided to leave because he was tired of waiting for them, and that he needed to take a bath.

that's when tick got ticked off - pun intended.

ox had a history of the attacks of the prima donna. bear and tick were used to it.

tick was the one more exposed to ox's theatrics than bear.

there was the time where ox walked out on tick because a shepherd dog wouldn't allow ox inside a shop with his saddlebag.

there was also the time where ox messaged tick he was depressed and suicidal.

there was the time where ox would make a scene in public.

tick was used to it.

after all, ox frequently made complaints of the littlest things.

he would become a completely different animal with eyes that glared, nostrils that flared, and teeth that bared.

what is wrong with your customer service?
is this how you treat people?
what is wrong with your product?
where is the manager?
i would like to make a complaint.
you people are stupid.

his tirades would go on.

sometimes tick would feel embarrassed. most of the time, tick would just roll his eyes.

and there were those complaints about ox's life:

i'm bored.
i have no money.
would you treat me the same if i were poor?
i have so many problems you know nothing about.
i'm such a loser.
you don't care about other people

and tick would usually reply:

get a job or run a business. true moguls are never complacent.
how can you drain down $500 in a month? where does it all go?
simplify your life, stop spending unnecessarily. i mean, for a start, do you really need all 4 phones?
you have to stop creating drama in your life. if you did, you'd have more peace.
stop making excuses for not doing anything and do something.
there are people poorer than you, and they would be glad to have at least some of what you spend in a month.
stop complaining. people have problems all the time. what makes you different?
you get too involved in other people's lives. and you try to fix them - except you haven't fixed your own problems.
true wealth is reflected in a person's character, in how he treats other people.

tick was usually patient with ox.

ox was, at most times, fun to be with.
but there was just no excusing the rudeness of leaving bear and tick at the farm without any notice, when it was ox's idea to go to the farm in the first place.

this time, tick was tired.

and he didn't care anymore.

tick was not into taking care of nutcases.
tick did not like too much drama in his life.
tick respected himself too much.

and that's how tick became and transformed into trey.

it's only words

thank god the blog returned!

i wonder what happened.

one minute it was there - the next, gone!

i made a date on saturday night.
he seemed nice, sweet, and attractive.
we set the time at 10pm.
actually, he set the time.
i set the place.

after all, i was meeting bubz and the guys at 11.
so it seemed to work out just fine.

a quarter past 10, he messaged me that he will be 20 minutes late.
he had just come from a dinner at his boss's place and will be dropping off his colleague.
quarter to 11, he messaged that he can't make it on time.
at least i managed not to look like a fool just sitting alone.

and i think i gave up right there and then.

it wasn't the fact that he was late that bothered me.
it was that he seemed unconcerned at being not able to keep his word that did it for me.

if one has trouble keeping one's word, what does it say about the person?

can this be a symptom of how one may act in a relationship?

he caught up at the bar just as i was leaving.
i went over and said hi to him before i left.
he probably felt i wasn't too happy because i haven't heard from him after.

serkan did send a message. but i was asleep by then.
and jerome sent one too.

too bad i was asleep!

paid like the whore that i am

after airing our my grievances.

after writing an email and demanding a correct figure.

after more than four months, i finally got my last salary.

i find out many have resigned.

and more are resigning.

too bad i wasn't able to get the contact number of that hot security guy.

la-la-lies

i'm a straight tripper, looking to hook up with other straight trippers only.

i'm bisexual and curious.

i'm very discreet and extremely straight acting.

i got a gym-toned body, lean and sexy.

i'm 5'8 tall, fair, and cute.

i'm sexy, fit, and hung.

i'm a pure top, but i can bottom for the right guy.

i'm not gay; i just never had sex with a girl because i believe marital sex is sacred.

***

which ones have you used?

and which ones have been used on you?

an ex-employee rants out

this is an email sent to a company trey used to work for.

understandably, particulars will be edited, and some terms and phrases will have to be changed or omitted to protect both parties from further exposure.

Dear Paymaster,

"Likewise, on the incentive you were asking, i asked (Name) of audit and confirmed that no incentive was computed nor given."

Thank you for the quick response to my request.

I am extremely disappointed, terribly shocked, and deeply upset that the (ValueS) incentives were not included. We, as a department, had done so much effort to sell this particular promotional package for 2007. If this is the case of no incentives ever, were we being misled? Is this on one instance or has this never been implemented at all? What happened?

I would like to request electronic copies of all my pay slips to see if there was ever any incentive bonuses as well during my period of working at (Said Hotel). From day one to my last day, please.

Never mind that the incentive dropped from P1000 pesos down to only P75 per night stayed under (ValueS). I basically made 100 nights' worth of reservations for December alone. The calculation should not be that difficult to make.

Our incentive followed this guideline: for each month that we hit the target number of nights, we were informed to forward a copy of all our reservations made under the Value Vacations promo. For each night a guest stays under the (ValueS) promo, the reservations agent who sold and made the reservation gets P75. Per room per night. We were able to hit the target several times during 2007. Or so we were told.

I expect that a timely resolution and a concise explanation be given for this situation, and within a few days, as we have been reminded and promised of this incentive plan for months on end. I can speak for myself that I have been encouraged to sell the promo due to the incentive promised from day one. Kindly inform the responsible people and department to forward any resolutions and explanations to my former colleagues at Reservations as well. I prefer them to know what the truth is so that any extra effort on their part would not be further wasted.

Reading about this new information has made me highly distrustful of the company as a whole. What other things have been kept from us? Were we being blatantly lied to? Or is it just for my case alone? If so, is it because I was an exiting employee on the way out from this 5-star resort? Please explain.

It would be very unfair practice if a promise was made to me and/or my colleagues at Reservations, and to find out that delivery of the promise was inconsistent or never made at all, well, that just makes me shake my head in disbelief.

I know that (Said Hotel) represents fantastic delivery of value-added services intended to delight its paying customers. I also hope that the same applies to its working employees as well, whether present or previous. I appreciate all honesty and transparency regarding (Said Hotel)'s decision - to whether honor its promise or not.

If I am entitled to the incentives, kindly help me understand what really happened.
If I am not entitled to receive the incentive, kindly help me understand the guidelines, the fine print, and the loopholes for the lack of entitlement. I deserve at least the dignity of an explanation. At least future exiting employees would not also feel the way I do.

And, regarding the processing of my last pay, HR informed me that they sent the clearance February. The exact date escapes my mind at the moment. To inform me that Accounting received it March 13 makes me raise my eyebrows even higher. Which department is telling the truth?

I feel so seriously betrayed and manipulated, specially when I trusted so much on (Said Hotel)'s competency as a 5-star company with 5-star service with an aim to honor its 5-star delivery of a promise.

I hope you will not confirm all my fears, as I believe (Said Hotel) to be a wonderful brand and an excellent group of company to work for. I certainly hope that this incident does not further tarnish my perception of (Said Hotel) and other properties connected to it. That would be a shame.

I know that the Paymaster's Office is just one of the few departments which need to be involved. I would appreciate if all responsible departments and persons can quickly coordinate and efficiently resolve this situation, explain everything to me and to the untiring, unrecognized, and extremely stressed-out Reservations Agents who have made the extra effort to help increase revenue for (Said Hotel).

Thank you for your time and effort.

Kind regards,
Trey

the battle of the oc's

i don't know if to cry or to be brave.

work has never been more challenging. meetings take hours to start. and to think this is my fourth day. it's difficult to work in an unstructured and fluid environment. such a new situation for someone who craves limits and scopes like me.

on the other hand, the project is a big one. it helps a lot of people get empowered. helps society. i hope it does. it seems promising. but there are still doubts. there is something off. i can't pinpoint it. but there is.

and if only the people involved would be a bit... time-conscious. no, that's not the word. or maybe it is.

i think i shall go crazy eventually if this keeps up.

according to rona, i baptized someone with my acid tongue.

i was slightly cranky from lack of sleep. sleep debt is now 8 hours from last week. yes, dear reader. i count my sleep debt. and a chirpy over 30-year old woman i was just introduced to plunked down beside me and proceeds to dull my ears with inane chatter. and managed to finagle my phone from my hands and play with it.

trey loves order.

trey loves to help.

but trey can't have both at the same time.

what would trey do?

excerpts from my escape

warning: conversations may be condensed and/or edited for privacy and relevance.

after filling out the employee exit survey, hr reviews it and asks follow up questions. below is a part of the follow-up.

hr: why do you think that management decisions aren't fair?
trey: (smiles) there are too many people who should be promoted, but are not. instead, those who are promoted tend to be lazy and pretentious.

hr: what do you mean?
trey: promotion means a reward for a work well done. in our department, promotion tends to be how much of a suck-up and backbiter you are.

hr: who are you referring to?
trey: (laughs) come on. everyone knows who he is. it's *****.

hr: (smiles) alright, i just wanted to confirm it. why do you think everyone dislikes him?
trey: (smiles) he says the right things to the people who make the decision, whether it's to advance himself at the expense of others, or to just present a negative impression of the person to everyone. he is very good at politics, i have to hand him that.

hr: mar is resigning. you know that?
trey: (laughs) yes, and i believe she has the same reasons as me. and she won't be the last. she is one of his backbiting victims.

hr: i have a feeling she won't be as well. what do you think is the problem in your department?
trey: i think it's the inability to be open to ideas, to acknowledge that there are problems, and that big decisions should not be hurried. the inability to distance personal and professional ties. the inability to be humble. the inability to be humane.

hr: would you say that there is a lack of communication?
trey: um, if not lack of, then it's the lack of the right form of communication. this is what is important. acknowledging the strengths of people and helping them overcome their weaknesses. not highlighting the mistakes and ignoring the achievements. it demoralizes employees.

hr: should we ask you to return, would you?
trey: (smiles) you know, i really like the job. if circumstances were changed and different, probably. otherwise, i would not want to be supervised by a stupid asshole.

hr looks visibly shocked.

hr: really?
trey: (laughs) would you? this guy is obviously unqualified. it's just that hr doesn't have a choice because all the qualified people have resigned. you know, it's sad to see this company go down like that because the culture is so pervasive on personal relations rather than on merits and achievements.

hr: (laughs) that's true. we don't have anyone else. but what do you recommend we do?
trey: you don't have a choice. that's just it. i believe that our department is not the only one suffering from the following: overwork, stress, pressure, unqualified power-hungry ass kissers - one of them or any combinations. am i right?

hr nods.

trey: to change the company's culture would be like trying to change a tree. it may need a big change such as massive uprooting, or you may continue to treat the symptoms rather than treating the cause. you may be left with undeserving people while good people continue to leave the company in droves.

hr: what do you think is the cause?
trey: complacency. the fear of change. how change would affect the people and the profit. the reluctance to let go of the familiar and to embrace the new. people are often afraid to challenge and improve themselves.

hr asks trey more questions. then after a while, the interview ends.

a day in paradise

i went to visit my ex-company yesterday. and was i surprised to see how many new people have come in because of the number of employees that left. and to hear that there are more leaving is just sad. such a shame to see an international luxury brand go down.

i did my exit interview. and aired out my concerns. i doubt much will be done about my concerns. which can be frustrating. i know i won't be the last one to voice the same concerns. mar is staying until the 31st. with the same concerns.

and i went to visit my old office. half were new people. my god! amidst shouts of "oh my god!", "you're here!", "we miss you!", and "you're looking good!" (ahem), i realized how much i missed most of the lovely people i used to work with.

beso here, beso there. my god. i miss them. we'll probably go out this friday for coffee and chika. although i did catch up much of the office goings-on with liza and mar. mid and top management have really gone power-mad.

and then there was red. the guy i constantly tease to make chula with me. tall, dark, and hard. ahem! he looked good, albeit a bit haggard. i used to think he wasn't my type. but he could be. could i possibly turn him?

and i couldn't believe they haven't processed my last pay yet. it's been more than 2 months.

i don't know why i'm excited today. is it a spillover of my high from yesterday? or is the universe telling me something else?

maybe i'll find out later. if not, i'll find out soon enough!