obsessed

masseur-crush finally did it.

let me begin at the very start.

it was sunday. i had planned a massage at one of my haunts days ago. and i wanted that massage because the last one i had was not as i had expected. and it would be masseur-crush who would handle me this time.

so there i was on my stomach, naked as the day i was born except for a flimsy piece of towel covering my ass. masseur-crush came in, smiled, and began the massage.

we've always had very wholesome - though playful - treatments, so i felt myself relax and gave up my body to his expert hands.

"whew. it's hot here." masseur-crush commented. he took off his shirt, and he looked better than i saw him last. he smiled again when he saw me glance at him. then it was blissful wholesome massage as usual.

suddenly, towards the end, it became playful. just like old times. hands everywhere, touching, groping, rubbing, kneading, squeezing, fondling. and without warning, his hands were between my legs. in my hazy state of arousal, i was a bit surprised.

without a word, he continued to touch me, and then his hands slowly but deliberately ran up and down my hard-on. it excited me more, and even more so when he positioned himself on top of me. the excitement was just too much, and i came without warning and without delay - which would have been normally difficult since i'd already jerked off several times that day.

he smiled and handed me the towel. and in my startled daze, i scrambled to give him a huge tip, even though we've never talked about rates before.

and now i wonder. will my future massages be like that?

i'm sure many will find it the most perfect situation. hot masseur, free extra, and good massage.

but i'd always categorized him under wholesome. then he is no more. and then i am confused - though sated.

i came, we saw, he conquered.

kiss me

i ran errands yesterday, and it was very hot and muggy in the downtown streets, so i took refuge at the coldness of emall.

while perusing the grocery market, i happened to see an ex-fb. one that i have never seen in ages, and it made me remember the first time we hooked up.

his name is mark. we had met years ago, while pic-link was one of the more popular online social networking and friendster was still in the start-up stage. we exchanged messages, sent each other our cellphone numbers, and we started to text.

we decided to meet up. he is tall, almost six feet tall. athletic.

we went to a local motel. mark was a good kisser, and he had no inhibitions about showing his passion. we kissed, our tongues played against and with each other as warm water coursed over our slippery bodies in the shower.

"what are you into?" i asked him while he held me in his arms and pressed me against his hardness.
mark paused from kissing my neck. "i'm open to anything."
"okay. rim me."
he looked at me. "rim?"
"yep."
"what's that?"
i was in a very QAF moment.

i smiled and said nothing. we soaped each other down, and i made sure he was thoroughly clean before we got out and headed to the bed. one thing i liked about mark was that he was not... typical.

he knelt on top of the bed and motioned me to come to him. and we kissed again, this time long and slow kisses.

"suck me. please." mark begged.

i obliged him. my mouth closed over his hard-on, and he gasped as i took it whole and leisurely. when i ran my tongue over his balls, he almost cried out.

"open your legs." i told him.
he spread his legs wide, panting and hard.
"no. wider." i grinned.
"what are you going to do to me?" his eyes were glazed from our kisses.
i didn't say anything. instead, i ran my tongue down his crack. he cried out, loudly.
"now you know what rimming is." i smiled. "get on your knees and down on all fours."

the rest of the night passed by too quickly.
we had a lot of fun, and we did a lot more than rim.
(grin)

i have to say that mark is still one of the more uninhibited guys i've been with. damn. in hindsight (no pun intended), i should've gotten his number at emall. except that he didn't see me at all since he was with his girlfriend. damn!

but all in all, our first hook-up was indeed, a very good friday on a week that most would consider holy.

yeah, i'm bad.

hungry like the wolf

abover contacted me again. i had previously posted about abover before, but under a different name. i just can't recall, for the life of me, what name i had posted him under. so abover it is for now.

he wanted to meet. i love abover's body, but i just can't really get over his face. not that i would call him ugly. i don't think he is. he has a great body, very muscular. he also has a good dick, with a beautifully-formed bulbuous head. he loves to fuck. yet there is something about him that makes me hesitate.

maybe it's because i'm inherently not attracted to his category of beauty. on paper, he seems good. i know for a fact there are many admirers of his. there's just something off about him to me.

so, for the meantime, i still long for mt.

without you

i think it's time to post about mt.

mt is a bodybuilder who i mistook for someone else i know. it was a rather embarrassing experience, but it did make us acquaintances, and dare i say, friends.

he is tall, very muscular, and unconventionally attractive. i also find him charming and funny. and he has one of the biggest dick i've ever seen in real life. unfortunately, i suspect he is married with a child, though he did not confirm anything. he gave me my first hickey. well, it was a series of hickeys. i hated that. i didn't know he did it until i saw them.

"just so that i'll know if you have someone who'll get jealous if he sees them." this was what he said when i confronted him. i must confess, it did make me a little tingly in certain places.

yet we've never gone past anything farther than touching.

strange, isn't it? it has been over a year since we've been together. two years even, i think.

he's been busy working as a personal trainer.

oh, how i miss him.

trey's basic marinara sauce

the marinara sauce, for me, is one of the most multi-function sauces ever.

it can serve as pasta sauce, as dipping sauce, as pizza sauce, and as a base for soups and rice dishes.

so here's my take on the classic homemade marinara.

fresh tomatoes, seeded and peeled
garlic
onion
salt and pepper to taste

1. in a pot of boiling water, gently throw in the tomatoes for 30 to 45 seconds, then scoop them out into cool ice water.

2. peel off the skin, and remove the seeds.

3. sautee garlic and onions, salt and pepper to taste.

4. add deseeded and peeled tomatoes, simmer for 10 minutes.

5. pour mixture in processor or blender, then puree.

6. cool and store mixture in the refrigerator (or freezer) if not needed immediately. for the best taste, consume within a week.

of course, this is the homemade artsy fartsy version for those who have the time to do this. there is a very quick version of the sauce, specially if meant for pasta, which i will post another time. i only make the drawn-out version when i have the time to do so. otherwise, i always use the quickie marinara cheat sauce.

trey's salacious seasonal salad

cucumber, seeded and sliced (or cubed)
carrots, cubed
potatoes, cubed
fresh apple, cubed
fresh pineapple, cubed
bacon bits, crisped
chicken, cubed
cheese, cubed
yoghurt, chilled
1 clove garlic, minced
1 large onion, minced
salt and pepper to taste

1. boil chicken meat for 15 minutes, then add potatoes and carrots. boil for another 10 minutes. this will also give you chicken stock, which you can later use by itself or in other dishes.

2. while boiling the chicken and vegetables, crisp the bacon bits until golden brown.

3. mince the garlic and onion, then stir into chilled yoghurt with salt and pepper to taste, which is to be separated from the salad until serving time. place seasoned yoghurt in the refrigerator to chill.

4. cut and core the apples and pineapples into cubes. combine both immediately, so that the acid in the pineapple juices prevent the apple from browning.

5. combine the cheese cubes, bacon bits, chicken meat, carrots, potatoes, and cucumber into the fresh apples and pineapple, mix, and then chill if you're serving it later.

6. when serving, pour chilled yoghurt over the salad.

7. enjoy.

notes:

cucumbers - i like them seeded, but not peeled. or go for seedless if you can. just wash them carefully if you want to retain their skins.

potatoes - i also like to leave the skin on. just make sure they are thoroughly washed. you can also substitute yams for a different take on the salad.

apples - i like them seeded with the skins still on. they make fantastic visuals against the green of the cucumber, the orange of the carrots, the yellow of the pineapples, and the brown of the potatoes.

of course, this is a basic recipe, and you may choose to alter it to suit your taste. but basically it's figure-friendly with mostly fresh and homemade ingredients, with little or no msg. you control what goes in. you can even make it totally vegetarian.

other ingredients you may choose to add or substitute:
fresh seafood, steamed (or buttered)
turkey, cubed
cauliflower
broccoli (my favorite)
roasted eggplant, cubed or sliced
cooked beans, drained
olives, pitted
fresh corn bits, steamed (or sauteed lightly in butter)
bulgur pilaf, cooked
tabasco sauce or rubbed chili flakes, for that spicy kick
citrus fruits, sliced
ginger, minced
vinaigrette (olive oil and balsamic vinegar, seasoned)
fruit dressings (olive oil and citrus juice, seasoned)
cebuano dressing (olive oil and pure tuba vinegar)
asian dressing (soy sauce, vinegar or citrus juice, sesame oil, with or without honey)

what i love about this salad is that you can make it as summery or as hearty as the seasons (and moods) change. i made my first one in the summer, so it was pretty light. i soon tried different dressings, and i discovered that each one created a different mood. the cheese choice also influence the overall taste. blue cheese, goat cheese, even your common cheddar cheese at the grocery. add spice for that middle eastern flavor, or olives for that mediterranean feel. the choices are endless.

bon appetit!

the name of the game

few days past, i happened to see married guy with a much older guy, probably twice his age. i passed by their table accidentally, and married guy and i made a nanosecond eye contact. i sensed that he didn't want me to say hi to him, which was fine, as i was in a hurry to get to the supermarket for some groceries. beetroot juice, yum.

less than a minute, i received a text message from married guy.

"sorry, i can't talk to you while i'm with my boyfriend."

i didn't mind the people who were staring at the insane person who suddenly burst into hysterical laughter after reading the text message on his cell phone.

let me see if i get this straight-bi-gay. married guy is cheating on his wife with another man.

i wonder, does the other man know that he is being cheated on with other men?

dirty little secrets

i thought this would make a fabulous entry. everyone has at least one dirty little secret. sometimes they're big, sometimes they're irrelevant. but mostly, they're insights into our inner selves when we think no one is watching us.

the following are dirty little secrets - some of which are mine, and some of which are not!

- i secretly cut off a part of a girl's hair with a pair of school scissors while riding a jeepney because her hair kept flying in my face
- i like to pick my nose
- i sometimes like to pay for sex
- i terrorized three kittens as a child, and when one died from fright, i laughed really hard when rigor mortis set in
- i sometimes wish i had a vagina
- i peed in a perfume bottle that belonged to someone i did not like
- i faked orgasms just to get it over with, and i'm not a woman
- i spat in someone's tea just to get even with them
- i find it difficult to cum when having sex
- i cheated on a few questions during an entrance exam to a prestigious school, and it may have caused me to get accepted
- i kept my father's smelly underwear to sniff on
- i made up a story that i submitted as a true story, and it became famous in school because my religious education teacher read it to all classes
- i have performance anxiety in bed
- i pooped in my pants while walking in a mall

there you have it! compiled and written down. dirty little secrets.

what are yours?

wandering thoughts

pregnant women freak me out. i always think they're about to give birth in front me, and i have to help them give birth.

the fact that i actually know the words to some sappy tagalog love songs (bakit nga ba mahal kita, kahit di pinapansin ang damdamin ko, di mo man ako mahal, eto parin ako nagmamahal nang tapat sa yo?) has me totally rolling on the floor laughing...

irritations:

women with their long hair free who sit beside me in jeepneys or stand near me, tossing their stiff rebonded manes like they're starring in shampoo commercials. in reality, they look more like insecure aswangs in the daylight. i wish i always brought a pair of scissors with me. all the time.

fat women who think they're not fat and squeeze in with you. don't you find that a little claustrophobic?

or trannies who brush up against you. it's not that i don't like trannies. i just don't like people i'm not attracted to, to be touching me. i end up dusting myself involuntarily. it's a mental thing. i might need a shrink.

copycats. from the most obvious pinoy movies/telenovelas (think: desperadas) to the remakers of hit sappy love songs (think: crazy for you/especially for you/love moves in mysterious ways). though i get it. remakes can be hot. just don't overdo it. fyi... loving darren haye's cover of madonna's dress you up in my love.

salespeople who tell me this celebrity wears this item and uses this product. say those magic words, and you'll have lost me. good bye.

women who think they deserve special service just because they exist as women. listen. you wanted equal rights. you can't have it both ways. you can't wear pants and expect people to treat you as if you were wearing gowns. of course, i can be a gentleman to ladies i like. just not to delusional ragdolls with diva attitudes. i can be one too, you know. (LOL)

i just thought of this. late, flaky, disrespectful narcissists.

disappointments:

the series moonlight. i hate it. the story is so scattered, the dialogue is so predictable, and the characters are so boring. i sooo regret buying it.

inspirations:

the beach. forests. animals. nature.

simplicity. ostentatiousness. luxury. opposites. yin and yang.

color. texture. smell. taste. music.

friends. creativity. humor. optimism.

fruits.

the occult. magic. spirituality.

food. food shows.

good furniture. design shows. appliances.

love/hate them:

clothing trends. however baduy they can be. some can be darling (skinny jeans). some are just plain crazy (bomber jackets in the philippines?).

fried food. chicken. ngohiong. bulaklak.

gadgets. i love the mac air. though sometimes i wish i weren't so techy. it can be hard and expensive to keep up.

let's hear it for the boy

i'm not looking for the perfect guy.

the first time i really liked a guy was a good friend of mine.
next was another good friend who happened to be a friend of my first crush.
incestuous! i can just imagine how it would've been.

then there was the first guy.
i was 21. he was 27.
he was almost everything i was looking for.
except he didn't live in cebu.
and i don't believe in long distance relationships.
never have.

he was my first kiss, my first suck, and my first fuck.
i smile as i think about that.

now, back to the present.

so what am i looking for in a guy?

that we're physically attracted to each other.
that i don't scare him.
that he's secure of himself because he knows who he is and where he stands.
that we're open and honest because we have the chemistry.
that we inspire each other to become better persons.
and that through it all, we have enough love, strength, wisdom, and humor to stand by each other.

tubthumping

"pwede mo join?"

he didn't wait for a reply.

vic got inside the shower and started soaping up.

i turned around and he smiled.

"sabonay ta na."

i agreed.

i pushed him against the wall and i started soaping up his chest, with the warm water from the overhead shower cascading down my back.

he closed his eyes and guided my hands lower, past his six-pack and between his muscled thighs.

it was at full mast, rock hard and ready to play.

and so i started to play with his favorite toy.

he came within minutes, opened his eyes, and grinned.

"ikaw na sad."

he turned me around and lathered my back.

warm water flowed down my head as i allowed him to spread my legs.

one hand slowly crept forward while the other glided across the crack.

"lami?"

i could only nod as he started stroking.

i threw back my head and he started licking the insides of my ear.

i moaned.

his finger found my secret opening and slid in.

"shit!"

and then i came.

deep inside of you

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disconnected child

it's been 3 days now.
i've managed the addiction so far.

the cravings, the restlessness, the stress.
i know i can do it. but i don't want to.

it occupies my mind.
i need to have it.

i terminated the internet subscription.

and now i blog off-line.

this is what probably caused the big zit on my cheek.

work it

oz and i had a tour of fitness first on tuesday.

mainly, because we were bored and had nothing to do.
the facilities were excellent.

well, it was expected, since i have been toured there several times (lol!).

i spotted several hot guys working out.
stares were sent and exchanged.

interesting.

mt was there.
but i didn't look his way, though i felt him look at me.

probably thought oz and i were a couple.
oz should be so lucky. lol!

the locker room yielded at least 3 hot guys.

one with the most perfect upper torso i've ever seen.
talking with his equally stunning friend.
another set of stares.

this is probably the cruisiest gym i've ever been in.

and to think it was still at 3 in the afternoon.

let me get this straight

yes, i'm also turned on by straight porn.

but i think it has to do more with the guy than the girl.
hell.
it has to do with the guy than the girl.

the guy is julian, and the girl is barbie dahl.
yes, barbie dahl.
and i have the video.

this does not make me bisexual though.

i'd probably get grossed out if a girl starts doing her nasty stuff on me.
i've tried groping a girl. well, at least, i think she was.
nada.
didn't get hard.
and didn't find it exciting at all.
i just kept thinking, what's all the fuss about girlie parts?
while she was moaning and writhing on my lap.

but i do want to watch a guy and girl fuck in front of me.
as well as have two guys fuck in front of me.
just to satisfy my voyeuristic side.

volunteers anyone?

on relationships and lobotomies

yes, i admit it.
i slept with serkan to forget about captain's unrequited feelings.

it did work. i've mostly gotten over captain.

and it got me thinking. is there a way to forget your crush?

i quickly typed in "how to forget a crush" on the handy google search bar of my firefox.

the first entry was from wikihow. intriguing. and so i clicked.

various how-to's were listed.

avoid your crush.
accept that you were rejected by your crush. ouch.
look for his negative traits.
meet new friends.

i think i took the last option.

do i regret it? not really.
serkan is a nice guy.

i went out with some friends saturday night and hit the clubs.
well, one club in particular. it was packed.
lovers of friends were there.
and friends of lovers as well.

it was fun for a while. some cute guys. some danced with me. some rubbed up against me.

the euphoria didn't last long.
i'm not really the bar-hopping type.
or maybe i've just evolved past being a regular bar-resident.

or maybe i'm looking for something more solid than a one night stand.
the bars aren't the best places to look for those kind of relationships.

or is it just that i'm too old-fashioned to want that?

or maybe we've all gotten too spoiled by the availability of (hot) men, that we are incapable of deciding and settling?
because once we do decide to settle, we might miss a better one.
is this it?

in a world where options are everywhere, is it safe to settle?

or should we forget the relationship part and instead, just enjoy and have fun?

bottoms up

since i usually take challenges head on, i revisited serkan.

lying on his bed, a little sleepy, a little bored, and a little frisky.

and this time, the pain was minimal.

i managed to enjoy it.

i still smell of him.

gotta shower.

serkan: re-deflowering trey

it was dusk.
he was waiting for me, just like he said.
he motioned for me to follow him.
and through a labyrinthine route we took.

he led me into his den.
it was humid.
i was sleepy, a little feverish.
i slept a little, curled up beside him on his bed.

i woke up later with a leg wrapped around me and my hand trapped under him.

he teased me with his heavy leg, hairy and thick.
i tried to release my hand, but it only served to make him hard.
he smelled of overnight perfume, stale cigarette smoke, and light sweat.

we started going at it like a couple of teenage boys after a liquor-filled party.
clothes came off - skin touched skin - and his hairy, beefy body inflamed my senses.
he placed me on top of him as his stubble grazed my nape while i licked his ear.

his finger slowly crept into my crevice while he pushed me down to his engorged cock.
it was huge, thick, big, and hard.
so thick, my fingers couldn't meet.
so big i nearly choked from sucking it.
and he was aggressive.

"shhh, we can't make any noise. the walls are thin."

he suddenly turned me over to my side.

"let me fuck you."
"no, wait, i don't do that."
"please, i'll be gentle."
"i'm not letting anything that big get inside me."
"come on, just the head please?"

i didn't have much choice as he grabbed my hands and inserted his monster meat in me.
i felt as if my whole being was torn in two.
he muffled my cries as he slowly pushed the big, bloated head in.
we were sweating bullets by this time.

he moaned as the head popped in.
and he started his dance, moving and writhing and pulling me with him into his sensual rhythm.
on our side, with me on top, him on top, and me on all fours.
pushing, shoving, trying to get it in.
it was too painful.
only the head ever got in.

i must've lost track of time.
it's almost 45 minutes.
he's about to come.
but for the life of me, i couldn't get hard.
the pain obliterated the pleasure.
i bit the pillow to keep from screaming.

and then he came, splashing all over me.
the slickness of our sweat mixed with his expelled seed.

my hands shook as i wiped myself dry.

and cursed myself for allowing my beloved cherry to get popped again after being intact for more than 10 years.

a different sunday

i woke up very early today.
i haven't had much sleep, yet i don't feel tired.
strange.

it must be from that fantastic massage i had last night.

definitely worth the trip.

i must go back soon.

*smile*

it's mother's day.
my mom passed away 11 years ago.

we were not very close, she and i.
it was a very complicated relationship.
although, i must admit, i inherited many of her characteristics - both good and bad.

i received a message from captain.
his mother has been admitted to the hospital.
again.

in a decidedly uncharacteristic act, i told him i would light a candle for his mom's health.
and even stranger, i did.
at cebu cathedral.
along with a candlelit prayer for my mom as well.

am i liking him too much?
will i end up getting hurt?
most likely yes to both.

but life's too short to be restrained.

i smile

oh, captain.
you make me smile when i think of you.

you bring me back to my teens.

giggling, blushing, grinning for no reason.

and in my deluded mind, we might be meant to be.

when i saw you online after posting about you, i knew it.

we were meant to be.

never mind that i might be hallucinating that you feel the same way about me.

never mind that friendship is all you have to offer at the moment.

never mind that you like a girl.

i still like you, despite, in spite of, and because of.

i like you.