Friday, February 29, 2008

friday!

celebrating a leap day.

what will i be doing today?

curling up in bed?

luxuriating in spa treatments?

going for coffee?

hitting the bars?

i don't know yet.

but they all sound like a good plan. and in order!

ah, the perks of being unemployed.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

cherry pop

he and i got to know each other when chatting was still new. heck, the internet was not yet mainstream.

he was in manila. flying in a few days to cebu from singapore.

finally the day came.

charming. suave. intelligent. attractive. and elite. 6 years older.

mutual attraction. but he was with someone at the time. we remained friends. flirted outrageously all throughout.

fast forward more than a year.

he was still attached, this time with a well-known personality in cebu.

he suspected he was cheated on. i heard he was.

invited me up to his hotel room.

i sat on the bed. he sat behind me. gave me a little neck massage. i tensed.

i could feel lips on my neck. warm breath. grazing my ear.

i turned around.

somehow we kissed. hot, wet, long kisses. hands all over each other. frantically exploring. stiff. touching. firm. groping. hard. squeezing.

our clothes came off. panting heavily. drugged with lust. skin and hair intertwine. i tasted him. embraced him. took all of him.

it came upon us. groaning and moaning. slick with sweat.

trying to catch our breaths.

he looked at me.

are you sure that was your first?

i glanced at him.

why do you ask?

he smiled.

you were too good to have it as your first time.

jailbait

i foresaw fantasia's win.

i predicted carrie underwood. she won, and now she's the darling of country music.

i rooted for chris daughtry. he got booted. and came out better than the winner.

where are grandpa hick and catherine mc-phew now?

david archuleta, if he doesn't win the american idol, is going to be a bigger star than the american idol of his batch.

hottie alert!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

of phobias and promises

i admit it. i have a fear of dentists. and heights. and drowning.

dentists, because the first dentist i knew put his whole hand in my mouth, sans the gloves. i could taste the disinfectant. and he had a tendency to smack his assistant on the ass. to his credit, many of today's dentists admire his skill. may his soul rest in peace.

i think i am beginning to recover from dentists. finally had a good dentist. we were introduced a long time ago, but i never did go see him. because i was scared and lazy.

i've always been scared of heights. i get weak in the knees. and not in a good way. i remember going to this building in manila. they found me sprawled on the floor - freaking out - when i got a view from the floor-length glass wall. which faced directly down to the traffic. 30 stories below. or the cable cars in ocean park. with the glass bottom. hanging on a ravine. rocking to and fro because of the high winds. i am gripping the keyboard as i type.

recent solution to fear of heights and drowning: parasailing.

and who doesn't have a fear of drowning? i went scuba-diving one time. below 20 feet. heart pounding furiously. suspended in sea water. neither treading or swimming. merely floating. but it was the sea creatures that made me forget my fear. fish-feeding in a marine sanctuary was definitely fun, and such a great situation to confront my fear.

it sure feels great to face fears.

old age. hurt. loneliness. emptiness. sadness. just some of my other fears. it feels good to list them down. because i don't want them to dwell in me. someone told me once that to list things down is a way to let them go. to free one's mind and soul.

i strive to let go. and i see them off not with resentment, but with gratefulness. because i have learned to accept them and free them. life is meant to live with joy.

i commit to find joy wherever and whenever i am.

Monday, February 25, 2008

sobriety

i've noticed something. i'm not as fond of alcohol as before. i used to love vodka. i think i still do. but lately, it has been an effort to down alcohol involuntarily. even if it's free. hehe!

and an aversion to smoke. well, i've always not liked cigarette smoke. i used to be with someone who smoked. the nice thing about him was that he knew i didn't smoke, so he did it outside. and he came back smelling of cigarette. and it was kinda sexy. but that's beside the point.

have i experienced permanent sobriety from my experience during feb 6?

and if i did, is it a good thing?

Saturday, February 23, 2008

6 interviews and a bar

friday. what an interesting day.

interview 1
subject: bz

bz was a serial dater with a penchant for flings and one-night-stands. then he met polo. bz found polo potentially great for a serious relationship.

they both had a relationship. they both had a different definition of a relationship. they lasted a week. bz had to work out of the country anyway. they broke it off prior to bz leaving.

enter nick. he meets polo. they liked each other. they go in the same circles as bz's friends. bz's friends find out. he finds out about it. but it's history. so says bz.

enter trey. nosy. went ahead and asked bz about the whole thing. and that's interview 1.

interview 2
subject: mel

mel is a former officemate of trey. taray. and suspected of being fabulously in denial. became friends, and the two hung out with other officemates, who turn out to be really really great intelligent people. rumors persist.

a year passes. everyone has left the company and now work for other companies, yet still keep in touch with everyone. that's how strong the bond is. mel, haze, and trey hung out while unemployed. all 3 got employed approximately the same time. mel in manila. haze and trey in cebu.

out of the blue, trey found a message in his friendster. from haze. mel has a bf. ahem! nosy trey immediately messages mel. he and bf live together in leyte, while mel's family is in manila. his bf is young at 22. and mel, in his mid twenties, finally gets to experience the joys of male sexual bonding.

interview 3
subject: oz

oz had a relationship that lasted almost a year. and that's all that was said. short interview.

interview 4
subject: jay12

trey is at a bar with bub. trey was alone for a moment. offered a drink. trey refuses. insists. trey downs the shot and thanks jay with a smile. boyfriend? indicates bub. no. jay smiles. continues dancing.

after 15 minutes, jay offers another shot. trey declines.

after 30 minutes, jay offers again another shot. last one, according to him. thanks.

5 minutes later, jay's friend asks for trey's number. jay texts trey the minute trey leaves the bar. invites him to visit jay. trey declines. end of interview.

interview 5
subject: bes12

bes12 came in with a white geeky guy. trey immediately checks out white geeky guy. likes what he sees. unfortunately, bes12 thinks trey was looking at him. came over after a few minutes.

asks if trey is alone. no, i'm with him. trey points to bub. oh, bf? bes12 is curious. no. do you come here a lot? nope. trey asks if white geeky guy is his bf. nope. hm. interesting.

awkward silent for a few minutes, then he leaves.

interview 6
subject: white geeky guy

he was taller than trey. geeky glasses. indie rocker pose with the beer bottle held at a 90-degree angle across his stomach. dancing around. endearing, because he danced like a geek.

suddenly, he was dancing beside trey. trey takes the opportunity to ask him some questions.

why are you dancing alone?
what happened to your boyfriend?
i see, so you're just best friends.
it's not that wild yet. do you wanna make it wilder?
oh, a bf.
okay, it was nice to meet you.

Friday, February 22, 2008

the desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

keeping the pretty

hm, where shall i start?

d still hasn't responded. which probably means it's the wifey making the profile.

got a call from jun. one of the personal trainers at a gym. super gorgeous body. and seems interested. i hope he is!

i'm still listening to hairspray. i mean, come on. it's such a great musical. i think the only drawback is that john travolta doesn't sound very good. is it because he's trying to sing in a woman's voice?

this musical is bringing out the romantic optimist in me. *sigh*

bought one of the most unexpected book. the undomestic goddess. campy! can't wait to turn the page.

and bought paulo c with it. like the flowing river. and soon the devil and miss prym. but i'm not yet in the mood to read them yet. i still have to finish blink.

my biggest splurge this past few days have been shirts. 5 new shirts. my god. but they're so cool. and updated. at least i have an updated closet. hahaha! which means i need to get rid of a lot of old stuff.

omitted a comment from another blogger. it didn't seem very relevant to me or to my life. but i do respect his choice. it is after all, a free world.

i need to eat healthier. summer is coming!

i know, it's shallow. but i need the shallowness to appreciate it and the depths.

*hands resting on chin, singing to "without love"*

Friday, February 15, 2008

a new day has begun

with all the fuss about yesterday, i decided to contemplate my so-called love life.

yes, i once fell in love and lust. but i think it had to do more with lust. i was too young to know what to do about it. it was consummated, but i knew it wouldn't work. because he was from another place. should i have pursued it? i think i should have made the effort.

once again i fell in love and lust. with a married officemate. he trained me on my first few months. he was dark, bearded, and broad. he was very friendly and he flirted with me most of the time. never consummated. should i have pursued it? yes yes yes! and now i don't know where he is. i've tried calling my ex officemates if they know where he is. nada.

shit! i've just searched for him in friendster and now he has a profile!

i am so fucking kilig over it. maybe we can finally...

Monday, February 11, 2008

a long survey

21 things about trey... and more

1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?
a) definitely single

2) Are you happy with where you are?
a) not really

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
a) i think i would (which is scary!)

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
a) haven't, thank god!

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
a) it wouldn't be called cheating if it were okay...

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
a) most probably not... it's a deal breaker specially if they lied about it in the first place

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
a) nope

8) Do you want children? How many?
a) maybe a dog or two, but no children

9) Would you consider adoption?
a) it's an option, but right now it's not in the picture

10) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
a) a simple hi to ask me out on a date would be nice...

11) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
a) only if i know the guy enjoys the chase

12) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
a) playing the field? as long as the dates are harmless and no one's getting hurt, why not?

13) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
a) that's possible... rare, but possible

14) Are you romantic?
a) my mind says no... but i know i am

15) Do you believe that you can change someone?
a) no, you can't change a person... a person will change only if he wants to, whether for the best or not

16) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object where would it be?
a) definitely a beach wedding, not very particular where, as long as the beach is a terrific one!

17) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
a) no, not yet

18) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
a) who hasn't?

19) Have you ever broken a heart?
a) i don't think so... i hope i haven't!

20) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
a) i believe everyone has his own battles to fight, but it sure helps if you have allies!

21)What would you say about your last ex?
a) never had an ex!


On relationships...


What sort of people do you like, as far as what their interests are in life?
* people with light baggage in their lives

What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?
* preferably taller and bulkier and athletic

What kind of fashion-sense attracts you?
* casual!

What kind of hair style do you find attractive on a potential mate?
* short short hair

What is the usual age range you look at?
* probably 20 to 40

What traits turn you off?
* dishonesty and disrespect

Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?
* i think it's fine to date around as long as it's light and harmless

Are you afraid to ask people out on dates?
* yes, and i need to work on that

If you're single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?
* yes

What are the positive points about being single?
* you're free to do whatever you want to without thinking about someone else's feelings

What are the negative points about being single?
* that you're all alone in the end... but aren't we all going to be?

When single, do you often find yourself longing for companionship?
* not really

How well do you handle rejection?
* pretty good

Do you miss your last sweetie?
* i miss my ex-colleague D, who i really liked

Do you think it's better to look for love or let it find you?
* i'm starting to see that if you start to look for love, it will also look for you

Do you think couples should spend a very large amount of time together or space things out a tad?
* i think there should be a balance of both

When involved with a person, do you try to think about the here and now or do you often think of the future?
* a bit of both

How do you prefer to handle disagreements?
* talk it out after both have cooled off

How do you feel when your mate is mad at you and won't tell you why?
* frustrating, but i guess i need to wait it out... but i would definitely appreciate knowing about it

Do you have a crush right now? Do they know?
* no, and no

What's the longest period of time you've ever had a crush?
* geez! years.

Have you ever confessed your feelings to a crush?
* once, to this guy from
bacolod

Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?
* not really... just a few

Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?
* no, he let it go around some people who told me about it

How do you feel about long-distance relationships?
* does not and will not ever work

Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?
* i would think about it

Would you get involved with someone if they were previously married?
* probably

How big of an issue is religion to your compatibility?
* not very, as long as it's not forced on me

How big of an issue to you is your mate's ethnicity?
* not very, as long as we're attracted to and compatible with each other

In a potential mate, how important is intelligence to you?
* as long as he's not a moron, that should be fine

In a potential mate, how important is a sense of humor to you?
* totally important!

What was your first kiss like?
* exciting, scary, and beautiful

What part of a person's body do you find most attractive?
* the upper torso

What's the first thing you look at when you look at someone you're attracted to?
* the whole package

How important are the looks of a mate's face to you?
* i'd say important, except that beauty is so subjective... beautiful to me is not beautiful for everyone

How important are the looks of a mate's body to you?
* pretty important...

Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren't seriously involved with?
* yes, but just a kiss

Were you single at the time?
* yes

What do you most like about making out?
* everything!

Are you a virgin?
* not anymore

If not, would you consider your first time to have been a good one?
* yes, it was a good one

Have you ever turned down an offer for sex?
* yes... who hasn't?

How much do you think sex changes a relationship?
* it's pretty important to have a healthy sexual relationship with the person you love

On a scale from 1 to 10 [10 being the highest] how would you rate your sexual attractiveness?
* 7, but i would like to think 8

How do you feel about casual sex?
* as long as you're not hurting anyone, it's fine

Would you stay with a lover if the love stopped but the sex was still enjoyable?
* that's probably the time when an open relationship is recommended!

Would you stay with a lover if the sex stopped/got boring but there was still love?
* probably...

Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?
* monogamy over open relationships

How do you feel about marriage?
* it's fine for those who feel they are ready for it

If you're currently not married, do you foresee yourself ever tying the knot?
* if i am ready and am with someone who feels the same way, why not?

Have you ever had an emotional pain so bad it made you sick or physically hurt?
* no, you can't let negative emotions hurt you that much or else you'd be a slave to them

Have you ever learned an important lesson as a result of a break up?
* from my friends, yes... it's important to leave it with closure and be amicable with exes, if possible

Do you believe there's hope for people after they get back together or do you think the same problems that caused the initial break up will resurface?
* if there was a loss of trust and respect in the first place, then there's not much chance of having it work the second time around

"Now, if I was your boyfriend..."

how many times a day would you kiss me?
* as many times as i could

how many times a day would you fuck me?
* refer to above!

would we fuck everyday?
* hell yeah!

how many times a day would you just want to hold me?
* again, refer to first question

would you take me places?
* if i could afford them!

if we went out on a date would u have me pay for it?
* if you insist, otherwise we can go dutch

would you take me anywhere special?
* i think even the simplest place would be special if i were with someone special

If one a my friends tried to get with you what would you do?
* i wouldn't make a big deal about it

would u tell me?
* yeah

Would u introduce me to your mom/dad?
* yeah

Would you care about what i wore when we out ?
* not really

If your friend tried to get at me what would you do?
* drop that friend immediately

If someone tried to fight with me in front of you what would you do?
* drag you out of it, and kiss you for being so fucking brave!

If a guy tried to talk or dance with you at the club what would u do?
* it's just a dance, right? you know i would leave the club with you at the end

If i cheated on you would you take me back?
* most probably not

Would u give me your myspace password?
* no, and i wouldn't ask for yours either

If i gave you mine would you read all my mail?
* no, they're yours and i respect privacy

the object of my affection

what is it about a person that attracts us?

could it be the stare? the smile? the body?

a combination of two or more?

i remember an encounter with a bodybuilder before. beautifully muscled. dark skin. slightly taller than me. hipon material. but my god, he could go for hours. i heard he went into the escort service a few months after, then the massage service (with the extra service) and then he quit them altogether.

i remember another encounter with a retired pro bodybuilder. he was in his late 40's, but still with an impressive body. hard and muscled all over, and no mean feat for guys his age. he was so much taller than my boring 5'8, with a mustache and deliciously bronzed skin. and married with children. apparently he had a thing for chubs (or so he tells me). and it made me wonder. am i chubby???

sex was hot. did it in an empty apartment he was renting out. did it standing up against the wall because it was unfurnished and dirty. hurried and sweaty. it makes me miss manila.

mbn shares my penchant for these men. dark muscle gods. i wonder how he is already. mbn is so lucky to have met and experienced various dmg's. beginners, athletes, contestants, winners of bodybuilding. yum!

okay, enough erection and jerk off now.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

baby steps

i'm starting to figure out how to add items to the blog. yes. it took me some time to do so.

i bought a new bag. i really have to stop buying things i want and instead focus on having a lighter baggage. i really like the bag though.

i'm thinking of going celibate. well, partially. the antonym of celibacy is wantonness. so i am choosing to avoid wantonness.

my recent intoxication made me rethink my priorities. and made me realize how much in a limbo i am now.

do i think too much? yes. do i think too much that it paralyzes me? perhaps. should i not think too much? most likely.

these are some of the baby steps i am taking.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

streets

reading various posts and hearing of various relationships gone awry made me think. are relationships between straight couples easier than between gay couples?

and what happens when a gay relationship crosses with a straight relationship to create a bisexual situationship? who wins, and who loses?

would you leave your man if he suddenly chooses to be with a female lover too? what if he starts a family with his female lover? what would be your last straw?

what if your man goes out on dates? would you rather be lied to, or would you prefer to know the details?

to be the martyr or to be the traitor? to be the guide or the adventurer? to stay still or to take flight?

navigating through life is no easy task, specially when the road you take turns and twists. some with warning signs and cautionary tales. rarely do we get to see the overall directions for a particular area. when we walk, when we run, when we stroll, do we stop and admire the sights? or do we rush off to the nearest corner or street for a new beginning?

we hope we never get robbed in a dark alley. we hope to find comfort in the kindness of strangers if we do get robbed.

have we stayed too long at a street party? or have we never enjoyed one?

do we look at other people in the eye while walking?

do we smile? do we sing a song? what happens when it rains?

pedestrians in life. traveling through the maze of the city of life, sometimes alone or with other people. some stay with us shorter than we want them to, and some stay longer than we want them around.

either in the fast lane or along the meandering path, we continue to tread. where is the final destination? some may already know. most do not. not yet.

the answer lies in the questions we ask ourselves. what is important in life? love. respect. faith. and why? what great truth lies beyond our answers?

the path we travel, whether we like it or not, is almost always paved with the choices we make.

there are no right or wrong choices. because the result of the choices help us become who we are.

maybe, at the end of that journey, we will find something we never expected.

a mirror.

will we like what we see?

the snake in 2008 - part 2

The year of the Rat is a positive one for the Snake. This is year where you have the opportunity to act on your ideas and put your strengths to full use.

2008 is a year where relationships will be a prominent feature. Male snakes will need to spend more time with their partners though as neglect may lead to loss.

Opportunity for advancement in career is possible but it is up to you to take the initiative and then act upon it. You can be great with the ideas but no so good at putting them into action. The rat year calls for not only initiative but also action.

This can be a positive year financially as long as you watch your spending. It is also advisable to share your thoughts with those close to you and not be so closed and self reliant.

May and November require greater caution and patience for the Snake.

March, June, August and September - November can provide opportunity.

the snake in 2008 - part 1

Your health and well-being are in better fettle this year. All the physical ills you were suffering last year will dissipate in the salutary ambiance of the protective Rat.

Nevertheless, trouble will be afoot in your financial sector. Hide that checkbook, scissor your credit cards and politely refuse the over draught privilege at the bank. Although you will start the year with a sense of plenty and even continue it in ample sufficiency, you will stumble on some unexpected cracks in the sidewalk toward the end of the year. You should begin putting money away for the future and stop the buying frenzies. Shopping may be tranquilizing for you while it’s happening. But when those hair-raising credit card bills and excessive mortgage payments start avalanching into your mailbox, it will be bye bye to serenity and hello to all night nail-biting sessions.

In the professional sector, there will be no more obstacles to prevent you from making sudden huge strides.

Your talents and abilities will be more in demand than you ever dreamed was possible. You could even become an overnight star or experience a giant breakthrough in an area of expertise that you hitherto imagined was closed to you. As the Pig year was less than clement for most Snake people, the Rat year will come as a grand relief. Little by little you will feel renewed and energetic. With this new dynamic, you will be able to shed many of the preconceived notions you harbored about your entourage.

Too much emphasis has been put on your family situation for the past 12 months. Now it’s time to attack career goals and make them happen for you and your loved ones' benefit. The Rat is a nervy sort and that sizzling edginess which emanates from inside the very vector of this year, can cause you to occasionally doubt the loyalty of your partner. Not to worry. You are sufficiently loved and admired. This year, make no major purchases. Invest only in what you can actually afford. Otherwise, when next year rolls around, you will be paddling against the current for twelve long, frazzled months.

Friday, February 8, 2008

drunk

and not very proud of it.

started out as an ordinary wednesday. and meeting some mp's for a light dinner at a local grill.

wait. it's not an ordinay wednesday. it's the chinese new year. hello!

after dinner, went to mooon. two more guys came by. and another 2 so total of 11. no, 13. uh, 15? i think. no, 11. tequila shots all around. and how many rounds were there? sigh.

ah, the magic of alcohol. long ago have i sworn off you in excess. and that night i broke my promise to you. and i spent the night dancing in my own exquisite shiteousness.

and not just dancing. i have a vague memory of making out with someone. i do remember dancing with everyone though. but i am very sure of having made out with someone. how else would i have wound up with bite marks on my lower lip?

woke up with a horrible hang over. ugh! thursday passed like a blur. woke up at 9.30 am in a nearby pension house with 3 friends. left at 10.30 am. showered at 11 am. ate 2 apples, 5 oranges, and back to sleep til 5 pm.

and got the brilliant idea of drinking gatorade for the nagging nauseating feeling. and it worked! i needed only 2 liters of that beautiful brand to cure my ills.

changed sheets and everything for chinese new year. um, what a way to start off the lunar year huh?

Monday, February 4, 2008

cliches

what's the old phrase again? no man is an island.

watching justice league unlimited reminded me of this. totally corny. yet true. even the most remote person has to need someone, something, to live on.

how one surrounds oneself can be by choice or imposed on. thinking about it, it's mostly by choice. because no matter how much anything is imposed on us, we always have a choice to continue or change. life is full of choices. another cliche. as often repeated by a good friend.

my dad reminded me this wednesday is ash wednesday. hm. not that i really care. lost too much respect for the church to care anymore. born catholic, but agnostic by choice. i still believe in a divine force, god - if you will, who is primarily benevolent. i still believe in signs, omens, spirits, and things that are beyond our understanding.

and i cannot begin to understand how an organization can be so hypocritical to claim to be the vessel to clean people's homes when even their own homes are not that clean to begin with. i say, practice what you preach, and then you can judge me.

a friend once asked me, what my 'standards' in a man are. i would like to say simple, but that is so cliched. and too hypocritical if i say looks don't matter. let's face it, looks do matter. i would probably say i am normally attracted to darker-skinned guys than fair-skinned ones. taller than i am. and beefy. now that the physical is over, the most important asset in someone is the sense of humor. compatibility.

deal breakers, per the deliciously glam carrie, would be insecurity, which can be in the form of arrogance, bigotry, rudeness, superiority/inferiority complex, and overall negativity. no long distance relationships. they never ever work. well, i think they won't work.

smoking and drinking is fine, as long as it's not in the excess. i have no plans of becoming an enabler/sponsor/cause of an addiction.

chinese new year coming up! may it bring love to us all. we are in dire need of love, however form it comes in.

i saw an episode of extreme hollywood. they featured cosmetic surgery and other forms of enhancements. what was totally funny and tragic was that there were surgery addicts, yet the doctors who knew they were addicts continued to provide surgeries for them, at the risk of their body parts collapsing and other fatal complications.

what gripped my attention was not the surgical-looking barbie wanna-be, nor the labial surgery to enhance female sexual experience and female orgasms, but the anal bleaching treatment of a porn star. yes, ladies. anal bleaching. she had her rectal area waxed and bleached to match the skin tone of the rest of her body. holy shit. and that made me curious. i wonder if dr belo has that? yoohoo dokky! pwede looky my booty and make bleachy and make less costy?

i just remembered one of my former officemates asking me if i was sure i was gay. that was hilarious. i mean, hello. no straight guy would come out telling people he's gay unless there's a plot behind the whole thing. breasts and pussies probably look pretty. but it doesn't mean i want one nor want to play with one. no, i don't love to dress up in ladies' clothes either. the closest i've worn to make up was during grade one, when we were required to wear my teacher's garishly red lipstick for their 'classroom production'. ugh.

i love my dick, and i love other men's dicks too. i'm a dick-lover. and i don't plan to convert.

amen.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

gaydar

i took the test at ok cupid... and scored 70. twice. i think i suck at gaydar. but then again, it said i guessed better than 60% of those who took the test. calls for a celebration. i think. hehe.

anyway, finally had the guts to do the garage sale i've been planning for months. after getting harried and hassled to do an impromptu sale today. at least my beloved shirts and pants and accessories will find good homes. and my first sale was today. good omen. mj ran out of money. hahaha! and yehey!

my back's killing me. hello yoga thai! i miss you already.

and i got dvd's of justice league unlimited and elizabeth: the golden age. woohoo!

just spoke briefly with mj during his spree. big whore has been sexless for a week. and meanwhile, i'm sailing through months. and i had to hear him complaining of lack of sex. pwede ba? i just wanna smash his head in. forces of the universe, grant your humble servant the gift of hot hunks! hm. amen.

where do these men come from? or am i too picky? i know the answer already. yes, i am picky. sigh.

maybe because i've seen how gay couples work out? seen and heard it all. and always with the requisite cheating. am i so archaic to imagine monogamy still exists? or should i continue to shut my heart up and become emotionally unavailable and be jaded to the idea of fidelity? or are relationships a thing of the past? is it now situationships (thanks to corporate closet for the term)?

i remember a scene in qaf. michael found out that he'd been cheated on. and bryan tells him men cheat because they're men. i guess there is a point there.

we always want we can't have.

now i've become so serious. cheer up. it's the weekend!

now to shower and change.

Friday, February 1, 2008

2nd log

this has been a week of songs. i guess i've been so out of touch for so long that i've lost touch of many great songs. timbaland, onerepublic, mika. i heart mika.

i wonder how my ex-colleagues are doing. i heard that the situation has gotten worse. hmm. i can only hope they improve. if i know, ms consolacion has been doing the su-faux-viser role. as usual.

i've been putting off taking my last pay from the company. is there a reason why? or am i too lazy. mactan is pretty far from where i live. but then again, that is no excuse. i should go for clearance by next week. which is chinese new year on feb 7. whee!

i'm now at that stage where i think, did i plan my career well? or am i meant for greater things? i do envy some of the people who have focused on one field and have gotten ahead. maybe this is what buboy referred to as an extension of my fear of commitment.

vday is coming up. it leads me to wonder. how does one know if one has found the right one? how does one even know if that is the love they've searched for? and if they've found that love, does that mean there is no other love greater out there?

or am i getting too skeptical about love? deep down i know that love exists. is there such a thing as monogamy anymore? specially in the gay community? or is it a question of being a top, bottom, or versatile?

love. fact or fiction?

new years day

feb 1 is my new year's day. it means many things. my mom's birthday, may she rest in peace. it's also the start of the month of hearts, so to speak.

it's also the day i discovered a phenomenal blogger called corporate closet. i've always wanted to blog. i just never did. too lazy. this is probably my nth attempt to write down my thoughts, never mind how un-pc they are.

today has been quite interesting. i made a spell for true love. hehe. and i went to cathedral to light candles for my mom.

some cuties, but today, i am not in the mood for cruising. well maybe a little. if one chances by. i leave it to fate.

so many thoughts racing through my mind. but i think i shall leave them alone for now. enjoy the speed by which they run.

so funny. i'm hearing the song from carrie right now. i love that song. katie irving is the artist i think.

this marks the start of my blog.