when we deny ourselves

i admit it. there are some times when i am not my biggest fan.

some moments that shame me are those when i am reminded of my lack of courage. courage to fight for myself, courage to fight for others, and courage to just be.

so it is with a little bit, a wee bit, of courage that i write this.

i do not know why many discriminate amongst ourselves. i include myself in this category, though i prefer to think i am not the most homophobic gay man out there.

"yuck, ka bayot niya! (yuck, how gay of him!)" - from a 'discreet' man who has sex with other men.

i smell a hint of self-loathing with a base of delusion and a whiff of self-importance in this common street fragrance.

perhaps when one is drowned in this stench, it becomes like perfume.

spay it. don't spray it, sister.

cause i think i still have that stink on me.